good day

I love my hubby. My sister and I went out for a quick coffee last night and was bragging up our hubbies to eachother. It's amazing how we can be sitting in a pile of mud and every now and then, we'll fling some mud in their faces only to have them gently wipe their faces clean and say, "i love you, what do you need?"
My hubby has been so supportive, steady, and understanding.
He's hard working, selfless and puts his family in his utmost priority.
He's been so faithful in working in our basement, meeting our needs, putting in his all at work.....

Today was a good day. With the basement almost completed and in the finishing stages, the stress is easing off. As much as the pain of Caleb is rolling in, there is a definite healing behind the pain. I sat in His presence today, just pouring out my heart in worship. What a safe place. It was like I was carried to this place where no one could hurt me. Where, even tho I was hurting, I was in the highest level of care. That He was taking care of my hurt.

Before caleb passed, I was having a hard time "just being"
Just being the way I am before my God, my daddy, my father. I had a hard time recieving the unconditional love that God had for me. I've always struggled with having to "preform" "be good" If I'm sinning, he doesn't love me and if I'm "doing well" he loves me. It's been years that God has been trying to unravel this perverted way of thinking in my life.
Now that Caleb is gone, and I'm totally broken. I couldn't even force myself to be someone im not, even if i tried with all my might. I HAVE to be just me. So today, to sit in His presence and JUST BE, was so healing.
I love to praise God in the midst of trials. I love to declare that HE IS STILL WORTHY through hard times.....becuase I know he is.
I love that I can hide away in this "secret place" and know that I am in the hands of a mighty God. Today, I wanted him to know with my own lips that He is worthy, He is good, that I love him, that I trust Him. I really do trust him and his plans for me....for my family.

I know that there are days when I'm really down, sad, even depressed. But God is showing me that that's OKAY. He knows my heart. He knows I still love him and trust him and that it's okay to be sad and that doesn't mean that I'm not strong, or that I don't have a solid enough foundation in Him.
I want to follow him. I want His will.......
I want people to know........HE is WORTHY of our lives......still.....especially when things are dark and dim. Caleb would want that.

on the journey

I'm am starting to use my blog as a place to really get down my feelings.

I would have to say that the shock, the denial is definitly wearing off. I spent the first month after his death just not believing it. "this can't be happening" I would be driving, or doing dishes, or shopping....and just very vigoursly shake my head "NO" I would shake it just out of the blue. If my thoughts turned to Caleb, I would just start involuntary shaking "no".
They have a little display at Caleb's old school in the commons area. A place where they display all the children that have attendended John Dolan School that have passed away. There is a plaque with names and dates, there are pictures of students that have died...........Well, last month, I went there to drop off some things and they showed me this "display".
Caleb's picture was in there, his name was on the plaque (1997-2006) I thought, "what the heck is he in this display for???? with all these other dead kids?????" Why in the world does his name have two years instead of one?????????"
I just stood there, stared at it for a long time, had a tear or two, and shook my head "no" again.....

My friend lost a spouse 9 years ago. she said it took her 5 months to realize that he was never coming back. she shared this with me in my "shock state". I thought sheesh! how long am I going to be numb?? I felt guilty for feeling numb. I thought, maybe I didn't love him enough. Now I realize that i DID.....

The thing about caleb is that his whole life, I stuffed inside. I didn't deal with things, caleb's whole life. The pain and trials of taking care of a severely disabled child was too intense for me to face. As caleb got older, I ended up stuffing more and more. I just couldn't take the pain. I am NOT talking about him dying, getting sick, passing away, him dead now....
I am talking about HIS LIFE on earth.
So now that he's really for truly gone, not only do i have his death to deal with, the loss of him, but to work through 10 years of unresovled issues.......OUCH>>>>>>>>>>>>(insert much pain here)

Before caleb even got sick, 2 weeks before he was admitted to hospital, God started a work in my heart. I was at church and the speaker was talking about parts of your heart that you won't give to God. When God finally broke open that HUGE dam, I cryed about caleb like I never had before. I felt like it was the start of my healing, so therefore, i was very confused when caleb DID die, wondering the timing of God......

thats' it for today.....

Joe's blog

if you wanna picture update on our basement and how joe is doing, visit his blog and check out the progress here.

memories

I'm all mixed up inside as a whole. I'm used to being able to tell what I'm feeling, how I'm doing and pressing forward of the high calling in Jesus....
I know in my heart that God IS carrying me....

Something that is blessing me is the reunion with the Mcleod's. Both sister's commented on my last post and I was so encouraged inside. A light, I ray of hope, knowing I'm not alone....
It's so funny, I can't really describe how I'm feeling.

I was downstairs doing laundry today. for those that don't know, we took possesion of this house which we've been renting for 4 and half years and now own it as of October 6th! Being that we were on number 5, we knew we need to renovate our little 3 bedroom house. So contruction started right on the day the house became ours.
after Caleb passed the end of Oct, joe and I didn't want to even go downstairs. The framing was up and the time and we didn't care to finish it....
Our contractor, who happens to be an elder at our church, graciously backed off and gave a couple of weeks to breathe.
Now.....for 2 weeks solid, we've (I mean Joe) has been go go go with help from guys in the church trying to get it done before our contractor goes on vacation on Dec 15th.
The dry wall is up, the mudding and taping are almost done. It is close to the end......
I sat downstairs and cryed....
It should be a happy time, an exciting time, a good thing......
Looking at our new room, my big closet, our new bathroom......
But I'm so sad about it......
christmas is coming......
I'm sad about that too.
The kids and I made a gingerbread house from scratch yesterday and assembled it today. I should be such a joyous time. But something is missing........
Going through the motions......ballet, soccer, putting up the tree, baking......
it all seems empty
i miss the smell of his stinky little hands
rubbing the top of his head which was all stubbly
Taking his foot splints off after school
laying beside him when he's all tucked in bed
Mr. Caleb man

Picture post

I miss my flat tummy....but I will have one again. growin a baby.......

These girls will be close when they are older. there is so much love between them. My niece and Isaiah
They are inseparable.....

My boys............
This would have been our van.....we applied to the kinsmen and childrens' charity for funding for a wheelchair van. we were approved and were ready to drive it away. Caleb passed away 10 days sooner than we were to take possesion of it.
It was an overwhelming ceremony, recieving 20,000$ from children's charity
At canada day, we were all dressed up. we even had tatoos on our faces

Isaiah loves ballet. she's in the pinky tights
Faith loves......fingerpainting>........herself.........and not paper......
She also would love to learn to drive as soon as possible....
that's all i have in me for now.

THANK YOU

I am sincerely grateful for all you in blog land. even tho it seems kinda unpersonal at times becuase we've never met, I have been so uplifted by your comments.....thank you so much for regularly visiting me to see how i'm doing and my sister's blog too. all the same people comment and it is so nice to know that you have been consistently there for me.....
I don't really feel like "coffee" anyway. i haven't really felt like going out and socializing other than with close family, so this way, i can have the best of both worlds. again i say thank you.
i feel bad that i can't get onto certain private blogs. Jenny, amber, janelle, kim, connie and anyone else that i have missed. I go around to crystal, tanya's, heather's and tina's regulary, but haven't really commented much.
of course, i visit my church family, but they aren't blogging much these days, so i keep checking for updates.
I have been cleaning all day, finished my laundry, bathed my kids, vacuumed and am looking forward to making some christmas tea and relaxing to some intrumental christmas music infront of my nice white christmas tree when the kids are in bed......
one last room to clean........the kitchen.......groan........
i turned my heart towards worship today. it brought me peace.
i really love you guys. I really do appreciate you. thanks for being there. even tho you don't always know what to say, you go that extra mile to let me know you here and your thinking of me. i know many of you pray for us.
i still sometimes, can't believe this really happened.........
i miss him so much.......

kinda grumpy, kinda not, kinda...don't know what!

I am sick of blogging, but not really. i want to go out with friends, but kinda not.
I am excited for christmas, but totally not.
I am totally confused, but sometimes think i have it all together
I care what people think of me. i could give two shits what people are thinking....

I am angry, sad, happy, confused, depressed, excited, numb, annoyed, hyper, all at the same time. I don't really know what else to say. I feel like people think i should just move on. talk about seomthing else. "it's been a whole month you know!...." I wonder what's really in people's hearts. there's this girl at homecare, she took care of Caleb for about 2 years on and off. she's apparently going around homecare saying that "I knew Caleb was sick....I tried to tell her, but I guess she didn't listen to me"........What is her problem anyway, how could she be so shallow? that she would stick such a blame on me to make herself feel better?

I really should n't care....but i do. i wonder how many people think i could have done better, paid more attention.....

Yesterday, today....and forever...Our God never changes

Wow, what up and down days! one day, I feel great, like right now! My house is somewhat in order (more than 2 rooms clean at a time) I am drinking a morning cup of coffee...which is the first time since Caleb. Tastes good! I BOUGHT A WHITE CHRISTMAS TREE!!!!! comes complete with 700 prewired lights! If you know me well, don't fall down....but they are white lights...not rainbow....>GASP!!
I'm ready for change today, ready for God, ready to make room....
Yesterday was another story...

Yesterday morning, I got a call from Sask Abilities council. They said that they had a truck in the area and were on their way to pick up our wheelchair lift in our backyard! I was not prepared for them to take that so soon. In our backyard we have a lift to get Caleb in and out of the house. It was a huge thing...it was so part of Caleb and part of our lives. If that thing ever broke down....we were stuck. Our backyard looks so empty now.....I'm keeping the back blinds closed for now. I don't want to face that today.....I was so sad yesterday.....getting sad writing about this....

Well, without any furthur details on my horrible day yesterday...that was yesterday.
Today is today. I want to put up my tree asap. The kids and I are going to the library. I want to feel normal today. I pray by God's help, that the pain will be replaced by his joy just for today....

I'm getting so big! my belly is sure popping out now. Baby moves so much. I love that. I love being pregnant. I thank God that He has given me the gift of bearing many children.
My kids are so great. Noah is being "noah" these days. (which to those who don't know, that means, bouncy, spinny and unattentive...all backup with a great heart and good intentions) I've had a lot of compassion for him lately. He tries so hard. He has such a good heart. He is such a servant to this family.




We have bugs. We are feeling better, but still contagious. Hopefully, the flu will not show it's ugly face in anyone else. it's been through me, isaiah and faith. if you feel the urge to pray, please do for our health.
blessings all.

every journey is beautifully different

God made us in His image...but with never ending creative possibilities!!
In my family's journey of greif, it's very interesting to see how one of us is here and the other is there. but we are still together walking it together. People have been forever telling us that that everyone is different and nothing is wrong. Very very good advice. People try to "make themselves "feel" what we MAY be feeling"....but there's too many variables to really try to relate. People in love and compassion are trying so hard to figure out what we are thinking, feeling, going through....
but they never had a handicapped child.
they didn't get married in highschool.
they didn't have 3 other kids besides the handicapped child
they weren't pregnant with one child at the same time as losing another
and God made us totally different....so even if the same thing happened to them....they would go through it differently.
I'm okay with all this. I know that people don't understand, and that's okay. I am blessed to have Joe, the kids, my parents, nin and chris to go through this with.

Please please don't hear me wrong....all my other friends, I TOTALLY APPRECIATE THEM. I know they love me and they are there. I couldn't do this without them. I think I'm just coming to the realization that my journey is MY journey. It's different than joe's, different than nin's, my kids.....we are all grieving differently.
I am at a place where I am JUST OK with where I'm at and who I am in this time.

Does this all make sense, probably not. My mind is very mushy these days.
thanks to all my blogger friends for walking this with me. all your comments mean alot to me and God uses alot of them to speak to me.

Peace

i hope caleb is eating cake and icecream!

Up before everyone else. The toilet called me, since last night, I ate Saskatoon Asian food and my buiscuits are burnin. my friend is coming to take me out for breakfast. I'm looking forward to it. Since Caleb has been in hospital, I once again have fallen off the food wagon. I'm sure alot of you are thinking that it's not important right now to worry about that. But in my case, eating for emotional comfort and using food as a drug is very distructive. I know that it will only make things worse. I still feel called to walk in all circumstances. During the crisis of it all, I didn't worry about it. But I just feel a little nudge to take care of me.

This week has been up and down. Monday and Tuesday were brutal. I thought I was going to go into depression...which scared me, cause I've been there and it's not fun. But I'm pressing through, trying to think of all the good things about this. Walking with the Lord and with Joe. It's hard when he's at work.

I've had several moments this week where i've wanted to just sit and cry, there were a couple of times that I decided I was just going to sit in Caleb's room and cry for a while. Of course, Faith had to join me, sit on my lap and kiss me through it all. But I always find that when I just want to sit and cry and grieve, life goes on and calls me all too quickly. THe phone rings. The doorbell goes, the kids need something. Time to go somewhere........better dry those tears and carry on.....
There is such a hole in my heart where Caleb was. Such an emptiness....I miss him.....

I can't really think of what else to say
Joe is amazing! We had our `10th anniversary on the 9th of november. we knew it would be a different year, but had no idea it would be this for our family. Something that i've already shared with him is that I'm so glad that we are foundationally at a place to "just BE" with eachother. no more striving, trying to talk, trying to be close....we just are. It flows naturally. we are just so much in love. I thank God for this, he is really carrying us through.
God is still good, he is still just and he is still worthy to be worshipped.
I feel that with all my being
signing off

update

today was our "first" day trying to be back to normal....whatever that means.
Joe went back to work. I tried to have my routine. This is harder than I thought. I have so many feelings, so many thoughts. they are all over the place. I'm afraid that I may go into depression, i'm jsut so sad. I just can't seem to see past what happened. I don't have TIME to get depressed. I can't afford to get depressed. I don't even know the difference between depression and grief.
My kids want life to go on. I don't want to go on without Caleb. It just seems wrong.

Today, I didn't have to be home by 4 pm for Caleb to get off the bus. Today, I didn't have to get up super early to put him on the bus.......but I WANTED TO BE. I want to do all the things that I would complain about. like bathing him, lifting him, feeding him, changing him, even suctioning him. I just can't believe that none of us on earth will ever see him again.

we only have one chance....one shot. you never know when that time is up.
signing off.

Caleb went to be with our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ yesterday morning at 6:30am. Even though his condition seemed stable, he was not improving and it would seem that he was just tired of fighting.
I am so thankful that he now has a new body, and for the first time he is able to talk and walk.
Caleb's life celebration will be Wednesday November 1, 2pm at Hope Fellowship Church. All are welcome.

Caleb

I am writting on behalf of Carebear to let you know what is going on so that you can pray.

Caleb went into the hospital Monday which has really thrown us for a tizzy. He has a really bad pneumonia in both his lungs and possibly in his blood. We are going through a roller coaster of emotions as the doctors will tell us that he might not make it, then they tell us that he may pull through. The fact of the matter is that only God knows as this point.

Our breif moment of encouragement came yesterday in the form of Caleb opening his eyes and looking around for about 15 minutes or so. He got to see all of his family and extended family and made us all smile.

We are spending the majority of our time at the hospital and other kids are completely out a whack from the hospital visits and sleep overs at relatives and church family.

Last night as Caleb's blood\oxygen saturation levels continue to drop to an all time low, the doctors took us aside for the second time and told us to make sure to say our goodbye's to Caleb. We had intended to stay the night just in case he passed in the night, but by 10 o'clock, his levels were back up to normal.

Please pray for Caleb, the kids and us as we are struggling through this time.

here's a post with some substance

Baby and weight gain:

I went to my doctor today to find out that I have gained 10 pounds in one month!!!!!!! YIKES. I'm not totally shocked at this news since I have been eating whatever I want whenever I want it. I told my doctor that for the year that I was on weight watchers, I NEVER ordered fries with my meals, never ate the kids left overs, didn't really eat before bed...(you know, old habits that I've had) And since I've been pregnant, I just have been lazy with my eating habits. She gave me strict orders not to eat anymore fries.....etc....
As soon as I got home, I told Joe that I need his help and told the kids that I'm not allowed to eat their food.
As far as my throwing up issues, I still do that occasionally. I definitly do it less because I feel guilty that I'm pregnant. My doctor knows about it and she says that the amount of occurances will not affect the baby. (considering that i gained 10 pounds....im sure the baby is fine!!) I have never completely stopped the binging and purging for 14 years, but it slows down in my pregnancies in fear that I could hurt the baby.

The baby's heart beat couldn't be found today, but neither my doctor or I are worried and since I've felt the baby move lots since I've been home, everything is okay. She thinks my placenta is in the front of my belly. Never had that before. So I get to go for an ultrasound tomorrow to make sure everything's good.

Renovations:

The activity is never ending around here. Whether someone is pounding nails, cutting windows out in our house, unloading lumber.....The frames are up and it's starting to look like our new house.

Joe and I:

Joe and I are doing really well. We are at a real growth period in our walk together. We are close to eachother and feel very blessed to have one another.

Homeschool and kids:

Homeschool has been hard with all the reno's. We plug away and do what we can, when we can. With all the extra appointments and reno inturruptions, I feel off schedule. I love our schedule tho. It's easy to follow and my house is at an organized point to really get our acedemics done. We have a special spot for:
Library books, cd's, videos
Math blocks
Piano practising cd's and books
Arts and crafts
Pens, pencils, paper, school books and supplies
The kids are doing well, except I'm feeling with Noah that the heart issues are not getting through. we are learning about obedience right now and when we read out of the bible, he just doesn't seem interested. He'll gobble his math, his reading and all the other stuff, but these heart issues are hard to get through.

House work:
SIGH Because we are ALL upstairs and one child has NO room, our laundry is always the issue. If I can figure out the laundry, I would be pretty much on top of the rest. My new kitchen is still awesome with my new built in dishwasher. Our table is now super long and with the back bench, there is always enough room for school books, crafts and meals.

That is my update for now.

You want to see our new van and pics???

Joe has posted pictures of our new van and the 20,000$ presentation ceremony of president's choice children's charity grant! Please check it out, since then I don't have to blog it twice of course!
Let me know what you think!!!!

the shower was a great success!

Thanks to all who came to bless ninette and daniel.........and chris........
of course, we couldn't keep him away, even if we tried! LOL He was the only guy at the shower, apart from Llo calling me 30 minutes before it started to ask if her hubby could come. I told her that if he came, chris wouldn't be the only guy. LOL

I collected enough money from people to buy them the fanciest swing, a stereo for Daniel's room and enough on a gift card for them to buy a baby monitor! So many people gave generously! THANK YOU for making those gifts a reality! And of course, all the other gifts were sooooooo cute!!!

My hubby was on "inventory duty" last night. apparently it's once a year....He got home at 3 am! So of course, he's still in bed! It's nice to plan our school around Joe's hours. If Joe starts at 12:30 pm, then our school goes from 1 to 6ish. if he starts at 9, then we go regular hours 9-3. this week, he works tuesday-saturday. so that will be our school week.

I'm having a ton of fun with this KONOS curriculum! it's a blast. every week, i go to the library and gather my materials, cd's, dvd's, books, crafts......and plan our week.
Our new unit is on OBEDIENCE!! I think I need this one for me!
Definition: To do what it asked of you with a submissive heart
How to obey: Immediately
Unconditionally
Cheerfully
Thouroughly
We will be studying lighthouses, light, crime and punishement and many many bible stories! I'm super excited!

Well, today we are cleaning out our basement to get ready for those reno's. Gotta change a poopy bum.....

Baby shower!!!

To celebrate and rejoice the life of Daniel David Moore.....

This Saturday, September 30, 2006
3pm
my mom's house (those that don't know where that is, email me and I'll tell you!)

If you are interested in going in for a great bigger ticket item, let me know as soon as possible

Bring words of encouragement, prophecy, and love for Daniel, Nin, Chris or Jonah if the Lord gives you something.

updates

can feel the little one kick inside me now. it's the best feeling ever.

joe is laying on the couch exhasted from moving things out of the basement

i finally got rid of a headache from all the crying i did in church. (bitter sweet cry of course)

my kids are trying to be helpful in the pile of mess that we're trying to sort through.

baby faithfulness met little Daniel today. her reaction blessed me. she was excited and treated him so gently

she wasn't jealous that her kookum was holding him. and she cried when he had to leave.

well, better start folding this mountain of laundry. i can hear noah bringing up another clean load to fold.....sigh......

blessings to all.

another lazy post

super busy with homschool and having a blast. while the kids clean my kitchen, i have a few minutes to type something. jonah is here having school with us, since her mom and dad are at the hospital. she is such a joy! she definitly adds allot of umphff to our school and home.
joe has typed up a little update that was more carefully writen than what i have time to do. so please, go read our praise report on joe's blog.

take care everyone.

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I have a brand new kitchen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, I'm SUPER excited!!!!!!!!!

My hubby is a genius! I complain about him being implusive and "hyperfocused", but I tell ya, he gets the jobs done around here!
I need to let my hubby really grow and be who God made him to be.....and something that's new, is he is discovering the "homeowner" in him.
Last weekend, I was annoyed that he decided to take on a job that I didn't have the mental energy to face....painting the kitchen wall. (this wall was the most abused, with huge screw holes, tape marks, and peeled paint from all our school projects.) But within 36 hours, we had a spankin new wall!
To go with our wall, he has painted our new bench to go with our super LONG table to go with our super big family!
He decided to build in the dishwasher last night. He did an amazing job! I had to laugh as he ripped apart our cupboard, and the outside of our portable dishwasher. There were parts of the house and the d/w all over the kitchen!
Okay, get this........
I CAN USE MY TAP THE SAME TIME AS MY DISHWASHER IS RUNNING!
that is a HUGE bonus! It's been so annoying to have the tap hooked up to the d/w and you can't get any water. not to mention to have that thing in the middle of the kitchen half the time. not to mention that when it's "put away" it's in the corner of the kitchen the takes up a whole lot of room!
I have brand new appliances!
A brand new bench for the kids (the seat lifts up and you can put books and craft tubs in it!)
A brand new dishwasher!
I am a happy camper today!
God is so good
And so is my hubby!

PS im looking for my camera and can't find it right now. I wanted to go and take some pics to show y'all, but can't right now, so maybe tomorrow.

School starts tomorrow! I hope and pray I can do the best for my kids this year.
I won't have much time to blog. so my posting and comments will be sparce.

Hope everyone has a great year!

questions, questions, too many questions, if you want a shard....here....

1. What bill do you hate paying the most?
Homecare

2. What's the best place to eat a romantic dinner?
Mr. Rizo's (our anniversary place we go once a year)

3. Last time you puked from drinking?
I was probably 16 or so.

4. When is the last time you got drunk and danced on a bar?
no comment

5. Name of your first grade teacher?
Mrs. Simple....she used to pull my ear when i was bad

6. What do you really want to be doing right now?
Eating a chocolate covered cherries blizzard

7. What did you want to be when you were growing up?
A marine biologist

8. How many colleges did you attend?
zero. zip. nadda.

9. Why did you wear the shirt that you have on right now?
cause it goes with my froggie pj pants

10. GAS PRICES?
might as well fill at canadian tire where you get 3 bucks of canadian tire money

11. If you could move anywhere and take someone with you?
I honestly wouldn't move

12. First thought when the alarm went off this morning?
I get to feel my uterus over my full bladder again!!

13. Last thought before going to sleep last night?
Praying praying praying tons for a couple that is being serverly hurt right now

14. Favorite style of underwear?
that's kinda personal

15. Favorite style of underwear for the opposite/same sex?
personal

16. What errand/chore do you despise?
AGGGHHH.....laundry.......puke.....

17. If you didn't have to work, would you volunteer at an art gallery?
No, I love being with my kids all day! (most days)

18. Get up early or sleep in?
Got up early, got caleb off for his first day of school!

19. What is your favorite cartoon character?
Definitly sylvester! I love when he tip toes around and sneeks

20. Favorite NON sexual thing to do at night with a girl/guy?
watch a movie, eat popcorn

21. A secret that you wouldn't mind everyone knowing?
I know how to fart without making a sound!!! everytime!

24. Your favorite lunch meat?
baloney

25. What do you get every time you go into Costco?
frustrated.....with how big everything is sold......like who needs 5 tubes of toothpaste at a time? and where would you store it all???

26. Beach or lake?
for sure for sure beach!!! tan, build sand castles AND get to swim!

27. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual that was invented by people who died at 20?
No, it was designed by the God of this universe to display His love for us! It's the most wonderful holy thing ever...and I thank him that I get to be a helper!!!

28. Who do you stalk on MySpace?
What???????

29. Favorite guilty pleasure?
eating when i'm not hungry..although, it's not my favorite thing.

30. Favorite movie you wouldn't want anyone to find out about?
8 mile

31. What's your drink?
coffee for now

32. Cowboys or Indians?
indians!!

33. Cops or Robbers?
cops

34. Do you cheer for the bad guy?
not normally, but if a movie like the fugitive, then yeah....

35. What Hollywood star do you think resembles you best?
I would hope that I don't resemble anyone in hollywood!!!

36. If you had to pick one, which cast member of "Lost" would you be?
don't know the movie? someone fill me in

37. What do you want when you are sick?
drugs, a bed and a quiet room

38. Who from high school would you like to run into?
no one....i would like to leave my past in the past....

39. What radio station is your car radio tuned to right now?
no radio, just cd's a lullaby one that's just awesome

42. Norm or Cliff?
sam

43. The Cosby Show or the Simpsons?
cosby....simpsons are so bad! i can't stand that show

44. Worst relationship mistake that you wish you could take back?
Every single guy before joe and even joe before we were married. By walking immorally, I have stolen good things from my marriage and husband. (Which God redeems back after your consequences have been dished out and you repent)

45. Do you like the person who sits directly across from you at work?
my kids? of course, they are cool little humans!

46. If you could get away with it, who would you kill?
ummmm. what kind of questions are these??? no one....

47. What famous person would you like to have dinner with?
amy grant

48. What famous person would you like to sleep with?
sheesh....

49. Have you ever had to use a fire extinguisher for its intended purpose?
no! I realized that last year when the kids and I were learning about fire saftey and never did get one

50. Last book you read for real?
the konos compass (a biblical curriculum we are using for school this year)

51. Do you have a teddy bear?
no, just a feather pillow to hug

52. Strangest place you have ever brushed your teeth?
at my mom's maybe using her toothbrush

53. Somewhere in California you've never been and would like to go?
to see joe's uncle and aunt's in temecula

54. Number of texts in a day?
i don't know

55. At this point in your life would you rather start a new career or relationship?
neither, I am planted where I need to be!

56. Do you go to church?
Yes, and love my family!

57. Pencil or pen?
Pen

59. How many jobs have you had?
one, got fired for stealing in grade 10

60. What do you want to achieve in life?
To know, love and experience God, to make disciples(priority in my kids right now), to love the world as christ would.

WE HAVE A ROOM

Just so that everyone is all clear. When we got pregnant with Faith, Joe and I decided to move our bed and dresser downstairs to an unfinished basement, while our kids had the nicely finished rooms upstairs. So for the past 2 years, Joe and I have been sleeping in our "room" with our bed in the corner of an unfinished basement with no door, no walls, and spiders in the fall.

Last night, I was getting up for my usual pregnany bathroom break and turned on the light. On my pillow was a HUGE spider crawling right where my head was resting!!!! HELLO!!! (This spider here is the breed that I found on my pillow.)
Like I'm sleeping there ever again. I woke up my hubby and said, "THERE WAS A SPIDER RIGHT ON MY PILLOW!"
He didn't believe me....again
Just like the time I felt something between my legs and pulled a beattle from under the covers!
Just like the time there was an ant crawling up my leg under the covers.....He didn't believe me.
Well, this time, I had the evidence! "LOOK>>>>>IT"S RIGHT THERE!!"
He leaned over, skeptical and saw the big guy crawl towards the night table.
Needless to say, he also came upstairs to sleep....
Today, he moved our whole room into Noah's room. Noah into Isaiah's room and Faith at the moment has no room.....Might as well prepare for the reno's now....then later.
I know God is faithful and will take care of each one of us. Even tho, I'm alttle panicked with the order of our home shaken up a bit, I know that I can trust God to give each of us what we need in this transition. Noah and Isaiah are just thrilled that they can have a "sleepover" EVERY SINGLE NIGHT!
Faith will sleep between Caleb's room and in our room. She will be put to bed in either room, depending on the circumstances. She's a good girl and will adjust to where ever we tell her to go to sleep, so that's a blessing.
THat's a little update for you for now

His words are TRUSTWORTHY
2nd Samuel 7:28
By these words, I am comforted today

Time is precious

Even though from our perspective and our own circumstances, it seems that life can halt for you, IT DOESN"T. God is still moving, working and wanting you to join him.

I've been getting my home ready for the next season of our life, which are some big things...as you know. Baby, reno's, new home and school.
Everyday is an oppurtunity to grow or not grow. we all have the same amount of time on this earth. 24 hours a day and we live in the present. we can't live in the past or the future, so all we have is right now. Some of us may only have a few years left, some may have a lifetime. But I know that me, and only me will be held accountable for the way that I spent my time. I've just been convicted of this time thing.
It's so precious. It only comes once. Once it passes, it never comes back. Once you say mean words, sleep in too long, stay on the phone too long(which i do too often) you can never get that time back. But investing it in the word of God, learning who He is, will be invaluable to you the rest of your life.
A few years back, I was going through the Bible on CD. going through the books and made it up to 2nd Samuel. Last Sunday, as Dale was talking about the endtimes, and what's going on in Israel, I was totally convicted that I haven't even finished reading the old testament! I really really desire to know His word. The more I know, the more I realize HOW CRUTIAL it is that I know it and believe it.
I also know that a desire is great and all, but desire doesn't make it when the rubber meets the road. The desire is a start, but only that. a start. Then you need commitment, discipline and perseverance. And constant prayer for power and grace.
I refuse to let this precious time pass without the eternal things being sown into. I look back at the last 10 years and realize that in that smae amount of time,
Noah will be 17! Isaiah will be 15! Caleb will be 20!!!
The baby will be 10! 2 Of my kids will be driving, near graduation and making choices of where God will lead them as adults! Joe and I will be 38 and 40! We will have been married 20 years!

It just has me all thinking that's all. God has given us free will...THANK YOU FOR IT! Cause you can CHOSE him, which is so beautiful!

For a friend that needs the truth of God's goodness

I was talking to a friend earlier and God played this song.....I felt that my friend needed to hear these lyrics
Avalon/The dreams I have for you

You taste the tears
Your lost in sorrow
you see your yesterdays
I see tomorrow
you see the darkness
I see a spark
you know your failures
but I know your heart

the dreams I dream for you
are deeper than the ones your clinging to
more precious than the finest things you do
and truer than the treasures you pursue
let the old dreams die
like stars that fade from view
and take the cup i offer
and drink deeply of the dreams i dream for you

you see your shame
but I see your glory
you read one page
but I know the story
I hold a vision
that you'll become
as you grow in truth
as you learn to walk in love


The dreams I dream for you
are deeper than the ones your clinging to
more precious than the finest things you do
truer than the tresures you pursue
let the old dreams die
like stars that fade from view
and take the cup I offer
and drink deeply of the dreams i dream for you

bragging on joe again

super quick, before I nod off to sleep in front of this screen, I just wanted to say how happy I am with the hubby God gave me.
He doesn't point out my faults, like I do to him. He has true faith in the God that lives in me that I'm going to fulfill my purposes and callings. He doesn't doubt me. He trusts me, loves me and takes care of me. He works hard at providing for us, leading us and playing with us.
Tonight, he went off to work for the evening and came home to help me finish my work. With a sincere heart of servanthood, he helped me plug away at a job that I've been avoiding for weeks now. The hall closet...(aarrrgghhh, puke, barff...) I've been wanting to reorganize it before our homeschool starts, but dreading going through all the puzzles, the paints, the endless markers, playdoh tubs.....
As I type and blink lots here, Joe is upstairs, finishing the job that I just couldn't look at anymore. He will come to bed, kiss me goodnight and he never forgets to say I love you beofre we fall asleep.

I am so thankful for him. These days, there hasn't been a day that goes by that I am not amazed at his heart, his attitude, his love for me and the kids. He gave me the cheque book today and said, "we are now going to mark in the back of this book when and how much..."
I gave him a funny look and with humor, I sarcasticly nodded. He's really a totally different person than when we met 11 years ago.
Well, goodnight. My sis moves in 2 sleeps!!!!!!!!! soon to be 1 sleep, right next to me!!!!!

3 things....

3 Things that scare me:
1. Getting cancer.
2. Not raising my kids to be responsible, selfless, productive, God fearing worshippers.
3. Being somewhere really high up with no railings

3 People who make me laugh:
1. My sister who I can do "instant replays" with
2. My kids, who do and say the craziest things sometimes, like when Noah said, "mom, i'm a big helper! I help you eat ALL the food!"
3. Anyone who gets hurt and it looks super funny

3 Things I Love:
1. Hot and spicy food...anything that burns my tongue off.
2. Joe having the day off and spending time just walking, or going to the mall, hanging out together
3. Getting out with my friends, usually spending it in the saskatoon asian resturant, eating deep fried vietnamese rolls dipped in super spicy hot sauce (I must be craving this or something!!)
4. And of course I LOVE being pregnant!

3 Things I Hate:
1. I hate when my house is super messy and I don't know where to start
2. Feeling really hot or really cold
3. people who aren't honest

3 Things I don't Understand:
1. Most history, higher level math, higher level science....well, pretty much anything past grade 8, I probably don't understand it!
2. Where malaysia is, I just know it's far
3. How we can get so self focused and foget about our purpose so easily

3 Things on my Floor:
Only 3!...
1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9... Clothes, toys, a bowl and spoon, spilled baby powder, pony tails, a winter boot, a suitcase, books, a christmas wreath, a make up pencil, a popcorn seed, a safety pin....nufff said....

3 Things I'm doing right now:
1. Listening to my darling children play so nicely together (they are playing "farm")
2. drinking my coffee, so that I can be kick started into today
3. hoping that Faith actually fell asleep

3 Things I want to do before I die:
1. Go on a rollercoaster tour around the world, riding the world's craziest most daring most scariest rollercoasters!
2. Travel to nature's most beautiful breath taking places with Joe and be all in love
3. Be a cross country runner and do the splits

3 Things I can do:
1. I can clean a super dirty big huge basement in 15 minutes flat!
2. I can multi task a ton of things in my home with many kids, chores, phonecalls...etc..
3. can love my kids more than anyone else in this world! (other than God)

3 Ways to describe my personality:
Sanguine through and through
1. Energized by people
2. Discouraged when disorganized
3. Love to be in the lime light

3 Things I Think you should listen to:
1. The holy spirit that lives in you, the only source of truth and life and will tell you the heart of God for you
2. My sister's cd
3. to a baby laugh especailly faith!

3 Things I Don't think you should listen to:
1. Those voices around you that tell you you're no good, not good enough and that you're never going to make it
2. Any kind of heavy, hard, metal which has many gross messages that go against God's will and way or bad rap that swears and talks about rape, racism, woman discrimination, sex, drugs...
3. Gossip, slander, foul talk....we need to learn to just say, "please, I don't want to hear that, can we talk about something else, more uplifting"

3 Favorite Foods:
1. HOT SPICY, onions, peppers, garlic anything to enhance flavour
2. Mc donalds big macs (blush)
3. bean burritos from taco time

3 Beverages I drink regularly:
1. Caffiene drinks (tea, coffee, diet coke...)
2. milk
3. crystal light

3 Shows I watch:
1. Borrowed the dvd set of "24" with keifer sutherland....oh my gosh...good show!
2. I like to watch AFV (America's funniest home videos)and watch people get hurt like fall off trampolines, trip on things....
3. worship videos as I clean (hillsongs mostly)


Join in if you have the time! it was fun!

I've been imprisioned by my own opinion.....of me e e....

Saw my sister's house today....inside is so beautiful. All she could say is, "i'm changing this, I'm changing that, I CAN change this IF I WANT TO,....." She even pointed to a square mirror in her bathroom and said, "I can change this!" Of course, I wondered, what on earth for....it's a mirror!

The joys of renting for our childhood throughout our married life! Not able to paint a drop, or change a knob. I think it's so neat that my sister and I are in the same stages of life. Buying a house, having a baby, finishing a basement, living on the same street....but yet spending time with God this morning, He was reminding me of how different we really are. I look up to my little sister alot and sometimes it's hard to remmeber that God made me to be different than her. Our whole lives, we were unseperable...for the most part. I was like her mother hen, I practically raised her in some ways! I convinced myself that we were the same, we thought the same, acted the same and when someone would ask me what would ninette do, I would just tell them what I would do, cause for sure she would pick the same thing as me! Till one day several years back, ninette said to me that she was a melancholy and I was a sanguine.....long pause, in shock, I couldn't believe she would be different. I'm so thankful that God showed her who he made her. And she continues to grow THE WAY GOD MADE HER.

God's been trying to talk to me about embracing me for me for years. To love who He made ME to be. This morning as God was talking to me about how unique and special I am and how the purposes He has for me can only be fulfilled by me, I am heart broken. I am broken that I still am not confident in who I am in Jesus. That I am special and there's no one in the world like me. No one will homeschool my kids like me, no one will renovate my house like I will. No one will handle and raise 5 kids like I can. No one will witness like me, pray like me, worship exactly like me. These words, I need to think of these things. I have spent most of my life trying to be like people I look up to and then miss the special things that only me can do.

This next year is a huge one for me.

I am buying my first home
I am having a new baby
I am renovating our basement
I am homeschooling a grade 2, a kindergartener, and a toddler
I am going to be a new auntie
I am going to grow in Christ

A song my sister wrote for me still plays in my head:
Well I am headed for the unknown
Sometimes it feels like im walking this road alone
this is the most bitter-sweet road I've known
This road I'm headin for I know will come with trials
To fully understand why I know will take a while
Still I will trust you for many unknown miles
And I'll do it all with my own unique bent and style
For You lead out the prisoners into prosperity
I've been imprisoned by my own opinion of me

Well, I've been called to go against the raging flow
This means I need to let go of everything I think I know
Cause I know I'll never walk this road on my own
You will never forsake or leave me alone
I will fix my eyes on you and you will give me strenght for what I need to do
for You lead out the prisoners into prosperity
I've been imprisoned by my own opinion of me

Written by Ninette Moore



Pray for me if God leads you. Love you all!

owning our first home! THE ONE WE"RE IN!!

my hubby said it mostly, so i'm going to be lazy and guide you to his blog for you to find out!
don't feel like typing much these days, so this way, just read his for this post.

The older training the younger

In a few months, I will be trying to nurse a baby, school an older child, and my little dearest Faith will be getting into trouble, and I will need the help of one of her siblings to keep her safe and follwing the rules of our home.....What will this all look like????

Our little baby is now entered into "toddlerhood".....SIGH......

Her new word is "no" although she doesn't use it to defy her authorities, she uses it to defy her silblings.
Ever since birth, Joe and I have been diligent in loving her will under our authority. We have trained her where she is generally a very pleasant happy camper. She comes when she's called. She mostly stays in her toddler bed, she doesn't touch forbidden things and compared to my other kids, she is very obedient and delightful.

But I realize with another baby coming, I am going to need some more help.....from my older children. When I talk to the bigger families (you know those with 6 to 8 kids) I ask how do you do it??? And the most common response is that the older help train the younger.
That gets me thinking about Faith's direct relationship with Noah and Isaiah. Unfortunatly, these relationships are not set up properly for the older to train the younger. I do notice that there are some good foundations laid, but more work needs to be done in order for our home to run smoothly when our baby comes.
Faith knows to submit to adults. (as long as the adult asserts their authority) She does not generally battle with mom, dad, aunts, and grandparents. Her silblings are a different story.

Faith and Isaiah share a room together. And I have been paying close attenetion to the way Isaiah talks to faith and the way she is "training her" Just because Isaiah is only 5, by her actions with faith, she is developing the kind of relationship they will have. They have a very good realtionship. Isaiah plays with her and tries to "take care of her"....if Faith will allow it. Both Noah and Isaiah are very kind hearted towards her. I have never seen them be mean to her....rough with her, yes, but never mean.
These foundations I am thankful for, becuase without this love that they have for her, the following wouldn't be able to happen.

I'm excited about this because this next season will be character building for the older kids. They will have to learn to grow in being patient, leading a younger child, having unconditional love, and serving. That part I see more fun to work along side of them and teach them how to train Faith. But Faith.......sheesh, that's going to be a challenge....
She is so defiant towards them. She doesn't even want them to push her in the stroller! If they say "come" she runs the other way. If they say "no" she says no right back.
I will not allow my older children to spank her, so Joe and I will be praying this one out as to how to teach Faith to respect and follow her older silblings.
If you have any thoughts on this, please share. I know God is faithful and will reveal His plan for this family.
These are my thoughts...blessings

By the way, my hubby posted a good post. sometimes, I feel bad for him that no one comments on his blog...that just my protective self coming out...

my niece

This morning I had the priveldge of taking my niece out for breakfast. Just her and I. I gave her the option of anywhere in the city to go for breakfast. She listed off a few of her favorites, "well, we could go to denny's where my mommy alicia worked, or the red rock...(the red rock is this dumpy old place on 22nd st.) I'm glad she picked denny's!

Her pancakes came with cherries and whipped cream and of course, I let her get a chocolate milk! I can't believe that I've waited this long to spend one on one time with her. I'm trying not to beat myself up about the past, but I'm glad that it's something I can start now. I guess for me and my sister, I've always had all the kids and she always had just one. But I'm very excited to start building a real close relationship with her...just one on one. I know that she knows I love her, and she sees me like everyday, but I want to be able to talk to her when she's going through preteen and teen stuff. I want her to feel like she can call me and say, "hey auntie, I really need to talk to you about something, can we go for coffee?" I desire to have all the doors open to speak into her life, and that only comes with many strings tied. I thank God that he can do anything with a willing heart to give and serve, and my niece is well worth the investments!
We talked about her 2 new sblings coming to the world in a month. We talked about her becoming my neighbour in a few weeks, about Caleb not being able to talk or walk, about my new baby and where it's going to sleep, and she learned how to play hang man at the restaurant...but she calls it "hang girl" LOL

May God bless our relationship and thank you for giving me such a wonderful niece, she really is a treat if you really get to know her!!!

my theme song for the next season of my life

Casting crowns/ Voice of truth


Oh What I Would Do To Have
The Kind Of Faith It Takes
To CLimb Out Of This Boat
And Then
On To The Crashing Wave
To Step Out Of My Comfort Zone
Into The Rhelms Of The Unknown
Where Jesus Is
And He's holding out his hand

But The Waves Are Calling Out My Name
And They Laugh At Me
Reminding Me Of All The Times
Ive Tried Before and Failed
The Waves They keep On Telling me
Time and Time Again
Boy You'll Never
No You'll Never Win

Oh What I Would Do To Have
The Kind Of Strength It Takes To Stand Before
A Giant
With Just A Sling And A Stone
Surrounded By The Sound
Of A Thousand Warriors
Shaking In Their Armor
Wishing They Had Had The Strength To Stand
But The Giant's Calling out My Name
And He Laughs At Me
Reminding Me Of All the Times
I've tried Before and Failed
The Giant Keeps on Telling Me

But The Voice Of Truth
Tells Me A Different Story
The Voice Of Truth
Says Do Not Be Afraid
And The Voice of Truth
Says This Is For My Glory
Out Of All The Voices Calling out To Me
I will Choose To Listen and Believe
The Voice Of Truth

chore update

It's always nice to stroke things off your list


organize kids books by subject (this was done once already, but has to be re done cause they're all messy again)
organize noah's toys (this was also done, but got messy)
organize Isaiah's toys (ditto)
De clutter toys (give away half of them!!)
Go through all the kids clothes ( did the girls' clothes last night the boys tonight)
make a pile for baby
make a give away pile
Plan Noah's school year
Plan Isaiah's school year
Organize school books
Organize hall closet (all the puzzle pieces from about 20 puzzles are all in the same box!!!AAAHHH)
Organize baby stuff
Renovate our basement (put 2 rooms and a bathroom downstairs)
Paint

I was so very encouraged by all the comments...thank you thank you thank you.
All of you spoke truth that I needed to hear. I really appreciate you all and the wisdom from those that have gone before was great.

Well, it is one task at a time, going on the right source of strentgh and the rest is up to God.

As a side note....we are hoping to buy this house....and yesterday, the hot water tank busted! And our landlord agreed to have it replaced and to upgrade the chimney!!! So when and if we buy the house, our hotwater tank will be brand new, new chimney, and our furnace was replaced 2 years ago. What a blessing.
God is so good, what can I say.

The nesting stage starts already

I remeber being pregnant with Faith and the whole time, I was getting my home ready for a new human. I nested so bad that the home was MORE than ready by the time I was about 6 or 7 months pregnant. Which looking back, was a very good thing since you're so big and tired at the end to do anything anyway.
There's always something that comes over me when I'm pregnant that pushes me to new heights of character. I don't take being a parent lightly. I know that God will hold me accountable for the way I'm raising His kids that he's given me to care for. I struggle with doubting myself alot. When I should be trusting the God in me to do His work by His grace. Having 5 kids will be no lazy picnic. It will be a huslting, bustling busy tizzy whirl of go go go. Being that I am lazy by nature scares me. My friend told me to look at how far I've come, but I feel like it's doesn't really matter how far I've come when I have so far to go....
I guess if you've been to my house at all, you'll probably never see me sit down, which I hope people understand that sometimes I just can't.

So now I've made up my list for next baby:

organize kids books by subject (this was done once already, but has to be re done cause they're all messy again)
organize noah's toys (this was also done, but got messy)
organize Isaiah's toys (ditto)
De clutter toys (give away half of them!!)
Go through all the kids clothes ( did the girls' clothes tonight)
make a pile for baby
make a give away pile
Plan Noah's school year
Plan Isaiah's school year
Organize school books
Organize hall closet (all the puzzle pieces from about 20 puzzles are all in the same box!!!AAAHHH)
Organize baby stuff
Renovate our basement (put 2 rooms and a bathroom downstairs)
Paint

Needless to say, I'm a little overwhelmed. I need to cling to him more desperately than I am. I believe, i know, I believe that His grace is sufficent. But like my sister said, "there's a difference between knowing the path, and walking the path"

Please pray for me and us if God puts us on your heart. Being that this is #5, there has also been different responses to our pregnancy. When we told some of our family, there was just silence and then someone changed the subject. Also, a very close family member said when we told him, "i don't know whether to congradulate you or feel sorry for you..." My neighbour said that she thought of a name for this next one, "hope.....hope there's no more"

Thank you for your support here in blogger ville. I know I shouldn't let others opinions get to me. I really pray that I can be set free from that. The fear of God should come beofre the fear of man....

Blessings and thanks for walking with me and staying in touch.

Baby #5

So if most of you didn't figure it our by my baby counter, I am pregnant again! Baby # 5 on the way....I still can't believe it, but yet I am so sincerely grateful that God has chosen me to have many children! The thought that our family was destined to be a larger one gives me joy and hope.

I rememebr getting pregnant with faith (my 4th) I was so scared. We named her faith because that exactly what she meant to us. We needed much faith of the unseen to have her....and God have truly come through in EVERY way! We have MORE than enough of what we need to raise these kids. The word says that grace will abound to you for you to EVERYTHING he has called you to do.

I will keep you undated. I get my second ultra sound on thursday to find out the exact due date. I also have the best Doctor in the world! For the last 4 babies, I have been seeing a FAR too busy obstetrician who doesn't really see me as a person, but maybe a pay cheque....I switched back to my family Doctor (the one that has been seeing me since i've been 4 years old, is delivering my sister's baby, delivered Jonah (her first born) knows my mom well and my family)
Well, I'm signing off for now. hopefully will have more to type later....it seems i never have time to do some really good blogs lately, so this will have to do.....sorry....

you'll never guess who lost their wallet.....again...

ME! again....blush....I haven't seen it in about 3 or 4 days now. Usually i just trust that it's going to turn up and it always has up to this point. Well, it hasn't, and i thought i'd ask for some prayer. I really need to find it....since I NEED my health card these days!
anywho. we are leaving for winnipeg in a couple of days. caleb will be staying at Parkridge and anyone is free to go give him a visit if they have time. He gets dropped off tomorrow and stays till the 20TH!
to lazy to type more, tired, hot and a little sick.....
so signing off for a while!
blessings.

Summer is so great

I'm starting to look like a different race. My skin is now a dark brown and I am happy....even tho I will look like a leather shoe before I'm 35.....
Oh well, soak up the rays now....look old and wrinkled later.....
Yesterday, I fell asleep in the sun to my children giving me a back massage....how cool is that!

We are waiting to hear if we can buy the house we are in now. We have applied, and just waiting.
God led me to Luke 12 this morning in tieing in with Ecclesiasties 5. The parable of the rich sower and in Ecc it talks about riches being meaningless. I find it interesting, yet totally a God thing that he is leading me here just as we are on the verge of prosperity.

Well, I'd better do my chores before my house turns into a sauna. My kids are awaiting breakfast, and I'm excited to work in my yard again today!
God is good. In Ecclesiasties, one thing, I felt the spirit teaching me was that contentment of the heart and being able to enjoy all that God has given you is also a bonus gift of a blessing! Your riches come from him, but the gratefulness and contentment also come from him. In verse 5 (i think) it said that those who love wealth will never be sastified with his income and whoever loves money will never have enough. In Luke God calls you a fool if you think that you will be happy when you are rich....and your life may be taken from you on this very night if you do not find your riches in God.

Well, that's it for now...
peace of God be with you....(and no one say, "and also with you" in my comment box!! LOL)

Pics of Noah's 7th birthday

Noah's 7th birthday was a huge hit! We took him to earl's just mom and dad alone. He was allowed to get anything he wanted.....so of course he ordered a chocolate milkshake!!!
Dad and Noah....waiting for thier chicken fingers and fries

after our supper we took him to the movie "cars" it was a good lesson for him to see that winning isn't the purpose to playing. That you can be a "winner" by doing the right thing!
Noah is such a great kid. I love that God gave him to us!

A great friend

Me and Ranya after a laugh attack...we usually cry we laugh so hard....

I went out tonight with someone who becomes more and more meaningful to me. As I sat on the deck of Jerry's eating icecream, I realized just how blessed I really am to have such a great friend in my life. I was just filled with a total sense of joy. A joy that God gave me someone that some people look for their whole lives....a true friend.

My friend Ranya and I have been through everything you could think of. Cat scraps to laugh attacks. From tears to laughter. From heart ache to unspeakable joy. She blessed me to be there for the birth of 2 of her children. She's seen me on my worst days and my good days and vice versa. We hang out, chill out, freak out together. We talk on the phone everyday about parenting, life, God, crazy people in waiting rooms....

Through all these memories, I have bonded to this amazing woman. Her strength to carry on is a testimony of God's power. She is open and as honest as she can be. She knows when she gets confused and asks for help. She desires more than anything to hear God's voice. I look at all she's been through and know there is a God. Many testimonies have come forward about this girl....and believe me, these words of prophecy that have been spoken over her are .... WOW .... She doesn't see it right now, but one day, when she is speaking into people with great authority, she'll understand. She has the testimony. She has the experience. She will have all the victory in Jesus. God's a busy bee, working and laying foundations. As a friend, I see small breakthoughs. As I walk along side her, I witness her spirit draw near to the Father. I see potential. I see a child of God. I see a sister in Christ. I see my friend.

Ranya, I hope you never doubt how much I love you. There is a bond between us that God has made. I pray that God continues to protect our friendship, and our walk towards righteousness. Know that I am here for you no matter what. Through thick, through thin...(up till now it's been pretty thick! soon I'm sure we'll see some blue skies.....
I'm comitted to you, not out of duty, but out of passionate love to see freedom in your life. I'm so thankful to say that you re my friend. I thank God he put you in my life. I'm so blessed to have you.
Love, Carebear...(hugs)

family planning

i think it's funny how we are all commenting on joe's post in my blog!!

This is so encouraging guys! thank you all for sharing! I love how we encourage one another to follow christ and submit to his plan for our lives. Both camille and tanya, your story adds to how God works.
It's such a journey. As long as we all keep looking up, God will direct us all

I can't believe that i've spent 10 years of my marriage in confusion to this issue. I wish that I would have listened sooner to God's leasing on this area. I do believe tho that He is and will be glorified, regardless of when i 'get it'.

These last few days, God has been directing me in being a good steward of what he gives us. If we had a million dollars, would we just spend it like crazy? no, we would use the money wisely. And seek God to how he wanted us to use it.
Same goes with our fertility. I want to listen to God as to when he wants us to have more babies....if any at all. I think both Joe and I know there is at least one more on the horizon....but we will keep our ears and eyes open to God and His will.

I really feel at peace with this serena stuff because it really is taking care of your body. I haven't started it yet, still reading the material. Thanks ya'll for sharing in this journey.
let's keep the lines of communication open and pray that God's heart will be heard in these issues.

The first book that was written by mary pride, (i've only read 4 chapters so far)
I felt like she missed someof the blessings in marriage. She puts alot of emphasis on having babies, making babies, bearing babies, bearing fruit.......she also (in my opinion down plays the joy and blessing of romance and companionship) for the sake of making babies. I am very much for the fact that we are called to multiply...if God has blessed us with fertility, but to miss the romance....i don't know.
As far as the romance goes, I believe that God uses the parallel of a wedding and the bride and bride groom for a reason. he wants to have a romance with us. It's totally biblical! So I feel like she is missing this amazing piece to the mystery as the bible calls it.
that's it for now
blessings

Family Planning

Firestarter has posted on family planning....it's a gooder. click here to read it!

A story about my son Noah

Lately I've been feeling at a loss for my son. Noah is going to be 7 in one week. Lately he's been going through some tough stuff. As all kids grow up, they make mistakes. and being human....they always find ways to minimize their sins. Just like adults (they probably learn it from us) they make excuses for what they did wrong. The problem with that is that you can never turn from your sin if you don't admit to it. By justifying it, your heart never changes. By blaming others, you can never have the freedom of repentance.

The last few months have become increasingly more difficult in this area with Noah. Each week, he gets more and more reasons to why he disobeys.

I've cryed out to the Lord regarding this many times. Praying for Noah and asking God to reveal any sin in my life as well. I knew that if I didn't get to his heart, no spank or consequence would matter. Last week, he actually slapped Isaiah in the face!!!!!! Warning bells flashed all around me. Sirens, horns and red flags! This child needs a break through in his spirit!!
God has been faithful once again to help us over come lies and reach into our hearts.
The bible is sharper than any two edged sword and it can penetrate any bone and fibre. It goes straight into the places that need surgery. My son recieved that today.
He was broken of a sin and cried for the seriousness of it. My heart wept for his pain, but was joyful becuase I could see him being set free.
(Of course, this is our walk with the Lord...)
There is a lie out there that says that "it's normal, don't worry about it" "kids will be kids"
Someone said to me today, earlier this morning that by the time Noah is a teenager, he will hate me!!!!!!!
WHAT???
Why do we curse our youth with such a life!
God has given me children that will rise up and call me blessed someday and that's a promise. If i train up my children in the way they should go....They will not depart from the way!
I will not accept that my children have to suffer the 'teenage curse of rebellion" We can get through this life wihtout having the enemy nearly taking out my family first.
THat's what happened to me and my sister. Our testimony....as exciting and amazing as it is.....came at a GREAT COST!!!!!!!! And we still talk about how we are reaping what we have sown years ago.

I want to believe God for more, trust him for more and ask him for more. I want to enjoy my kids when they are "little adults" (teens) I want to reap a harvest that will be glorious to the Kingdom of God!