Okay, so last night sucked ass!
After supper, heart burn started even before bed. after drinking 4 doses of pepto, was able to fall asleep till 4:30am
Drinking another 3 doses of pepto, sleeping SITTING UP on my couch till 7:30. I try everything. I'm on meds that are for people with ulcers and reflux disease.....
It's just so discouraging that for once in my life I am pursuing health and fitness. Beginning my very first career in fitness training and i feel like my body is falling apart. I'm supposed to see a specialist about this and my Dr. seems to think I'm going to need surgery!
Who woulda thunk that those years of bulimia would cause such extreme health problems! So strange that my problems started AFTER I stopped throwing up. makes no sense to me. It will be 2 years on February 5 since I have had an episode WHICH IS FRIGGEN AMAZING! but.....I have to live with such pain now :(
I told Joe and my sis the other day that I would rather gain some weight again, then go back to that life!!! And I know myself well enough to know that if I throw up JUST ONCE.....that's it....it's game over for me, i'll be back to where I was, throwing up everyday.... YUCK!
But in the meantime.....I can't help thinking that by the time I'm 50, what kind of problems will i have then with my liver? my stomach, my bowels??? People that are 50 have my kind of problems, not 30 year olds....
I just wish I could go back and 'figure it out' sooner.....but some people have to learn the hard way :( There's this one line of a song that says, "make something beautiful out of all this suffering" I wish I could see a purpose in all this.....
5 comments:
maybe so you can warn other teens not to start/get into the same trap?
It seems so unfair that this all hit after you got healthy. I guess you could wonder though how bad it would have been if you'd kept throwing up? Love you, sending big hugs.
I'm praying hard for you right now. I feel for you so much. Wish I could do more. Hugs..
that totally friggin sucks. I'm so sorry you gotta be sick and feel SOOO not yourself. :(:(
One lesson learned, I suppose. Sucks that we never think before we do something. But any hoo sorry you were in so much pain :( Ranya
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