So what have I been doing?

1. Working really hard on my journey of losing weight. I have not missed a day since january 2nd in running on my parents treadmill. I go every second day for 30 minutes. I really enjoy that time to myself.

The problem is that you have to COMBINE diet and excercise to loose weight. I have been making some good changes during the day, but at night I really struggle. I want to snack on bad things, and alot of times, I give in. So I've only lost in 3 weeks, a meesly 3.5 pounds.

Trying to stay focused on not giving up and keeping my heart in check and in sync with the Lord. I've gotten rid of much of my music this week and replaced it with some praise worship techno. I trust that God will fill all that I need when it comes to my needs with music. (i'm kinda picky with the beat that I like to work out to)

2. Homeschool, of course! It was a nice december break, baking.....eating! :0 making crafts and enjoying family time. Right back into our schedule with a few more additions to the mix. Noah has a new social studies program that we started half way through the year, so the pressure is on to get caught up so he can finish the grade 3 package. Isaiah is determined to pick up cursive writing! It's so funny how they can be so different. I can still barely read noah's printing, but Isaiah is ready and we're going for it! She is still in the process of learning to read. But things will be much easier when she masters that.

3. This is lame.....but I have to say it....
I've changed my laundry schedule! YIPPEE! when you have a family of 6, laundry scheduling is top priority. You do NOT have the option to leave laundry to chance. So, for the last year, I've been doing it ONCE A WEEK! can you imagine? 9 loads all piled into a mountain calling to be conquered! All day to wash and all the next day to fold and put away.
The pro? I didn't ahve to look at it for the rest of the week!
The new schedule? One or two loads everyday. I was so sick of the mountain! I'm one of those pendulum swingers that need serious change to motivate me! Now there are 5 piles on the laundry room floor. Girls clothes, noah's clothes, socks and cloths, towels, and a pile for mine and joe's clothes.
So when Noah's pile builds up, his clothes go in and come out, he flods them and puts them away! EASY PEESY!
I can't stand to open the dryer and have things from every single room! this way, it's simplified and the kids can pick up the slack if it's their clothes coming out of the dryer.
Joe has appreciated not spending our weekends climbing mount laundrest.

4. Life group.
Joe and I have a life group at our home every tuesday. So much to say, but not free to. Other than we are being stretched, pulled, cooked, and being blessed beyond measure. it's a challenged being that we've never done this before, but are praying that God's will be done and His kingdom come. all it takes is faith the size of a mustard seed. I think where it's stretching us the most is our marriage. Learning to work as a team on a different game board. Staying in the word on a daily basis with 4 kids is a challenge, but is a must!!!!!

5. my mother..........
things still remain hard here. I have all these areas that I wish would change but they are out of my hands. The choices are up to my mom.....and most of the time, she chooses not to choose them. but how does god work? HE WORKS WITH YOU! what he wants YOU to do. MY attitude to it. And honestly, I fail it seems everytime! so hard to watch someone get sicker and sicker. If you feel led to pray for my mom and our family, your prayers would be wonderful.

well, that's some of what's going on, hope everyone is well, if you're still around and reading my blog, pop me a comment to say hi.
sarah/carbear

i'm still here

thanks nin, for speaking so clearly. Just exactly what I wanted to say!.....;) (in my comment box, she was so kind as to speak on my behalf....in her own words, that did not match mine AT ALL!!!!)

Just so happens that my hubby's blog and mine are on the same password, and he has a CRAZY password!
I haven't been able to log on!

Taking a blogger break has been nice tho.
On the contrary of what nin says I'm doing....school is busy and our life group is keeping us on our toes.

Not much else to say, then "i'm back"
i think that's the longest i've gone without posting!

PLEASE PRAY!

All you lovers of God, I call out the voices that God has given us to use!

Whether your faith feels shaky, strong, whether you are a long time prayer warrior or wonder if there's a God at all.....
I ask you to muster up the faith that God has given you even if as small as a mustard seed, God will hear it, use it, and be glorified....

Our dear friends Holly and Darcy just gave birth to their 6th child, Ethan Issac. Beautiful boy with tons of hair! You can see some pictures on Darcy's blog here.
Ethan was admitted to hospital last night. He was losing weight and there were a few signs that something just wasn't quite right. Since then, the doctors have done a few tests. The reports are not complete yet, they are still testing, but so far they have found these things. His heart is not as big as they would like. They have found some irregular beating going on and will do some futher tests. They are also going to test his thyroid and possibly do a ct scan.

As most of you know, they do have 6 kids. Their oldest has been left in charge of more responsiblities now that Holly and Darcy will be going back and forth to the hospital. Please pray for all their children, including Joshuah.
Pray as the Lord leads
Thank you for praying, for taking a leap of faith and lifting up this amazing family.

wow

Something to think about in the busyness of Christmas

no wonder i'm so screwed up

my parents as elves!

click here

my cry

Calloused and bruised/ dazed and confused
My Spirit is left wanting something more
Than my selfish hopes/ and my selfish dreams
I’m lying with my face down to the floor
I’m crying out for more

Give me Words to speak
Don’t let my Spirit sleep
Cause I can’t think of anything worth saying
But I know that I owe You my life
So give me Words to speak
Don’t let my Spirit sleep

Every night, every day/ I find that I have nothing left to say
So I stand here in silence awaiting Your guidance
I’m wanting only Your voice to be heard
Let them be Your Words
I just don’t understand this life that I’ve been living
I just don’t understand
I just don’t understand these lies I’ve been believing
I just don’t understand


In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand

In Christ alone, who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless babe
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones He came to save
'Till on that cross as Jesus died
The wrath of God was satisfied
For every sin on Him was laid
Here in the death of Christ I live

There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave He rose again
And as He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost it's grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Brought with the precious blood of Christ

No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life's first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
'Till He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand

A new baby!

Our very good friends had their 6th child!
Beautiful! Click here

Blessings y'all

Questionare....join in if you want and do your own!

1. What kind of soap is in your bathtub right now?
Johnsons vapor bath, Lavender grins and giggles, Aussie shampoo and phisoderm.

2. Do you have any watermelon in your refrigerator?
Are you kidding? How much are those things in the winter and they are the size of an orange!

3. What would you change about your living room?
The whole thing!!! New furniture, new pictures, new paint, new windows, new blinds or curtains, I haven't decided, and way down the road, new carpet......I know I should be content with what I have...and for now, it's great with my xmas tree and candles.
.
4. Are the dishes in your dishwasher clean or dirty?
Clean

5. What is in your fridge?
Pretty much all the basics, nothin fancy, exept for some xmas cookie dough waiting to be baked, icing to decorate our gingerbread house....and...OH, I put frank's red hot (XXXhot) sauce in my favorite salad dressing! Asian sesame!

6. White or wheat bread?
Both, I wonder if you can guess who eats the white and who eat the brown???

7. What is on top of your refrigerator?
The gingerbread house we just made from scratch (ready to put on the candies!)and the blinds I took down from the kitchen window to paint it and they're still there!

8. What color or design is on your shower curtain?
Right now, it is currently red because my bathroom is currently Christmas themed! Usually it's got a ton of cool fishies on it.

9. How many plants are in your home?
I just threw the last 2 out 2 weeks ago! I used to have like 12 or so! No time to tend to them, and to be honest, I lost my interest, which I believe someday will come back.

10. Is your bed made right now?
Never.....(blush)

11. Comet or Soft Scrub?
Soft for sure. Comet is for my mom that may have OCD

12. Is your closet organized?
Which one? Mine-yes, Hall- yes, Coats- yes, Girls-no, noah's-doesn't have a closet, elishah's-no (hers is the worst)

13. Can you describe your flashlight?
Don't have one....need one

14. Do you drink out of glass or plastic more at home?
Usually at home, I fill a plastic squirt bottle with a drop of essential oil lemon....yummy

15. Do you have iced tea made in a pitcher right now?
no....we never have juice or sugary drinks. (except, I promised Faith apple juice, because she's sick right now)

16. If you have garage, is it cluttered?
no garage, no clutter

17. Curtains or blinds?
10 year old 500 dollar blinds that do the job, but are outdated and would love to re do our living room! (did I say that already?)

18. How many pillows do you sleep with?
2 one for my head, one to hug

19. Do you sleep with any lights on at night?
i wouldn't, but I need to get up once a night for elishah, so I don't want to trip. the bathroom light stays on. My girls have colored bulbs in their rooms. Elishah has an orange bulb, noah has green and isaiah has red.

20. How often do you vacuum?
almost everyday.....only because my carpet shows everything, we have guinea pigs and 4 children.

21. Standard toothbrush or electric? standard...electric is a gimick


23. Do you have welcome mat on your front porch?
it doesn't say welcome, but we have a mat. We assume you know you're welcome, if you don't know you're welcome, then your not! HAHA

24. What is in your oven right now?
Nothin, it's 9 in the morning! But it's been busy bakin cookies, gingerbread, shortbread and christmas ornament dough!

25. Is there anything under your bed?
dust

26. Chore you hate the most?
cleaning the bathrooms!!!!!!!


28. Do you have separate room you use an an office?
It used to be caleb's room.....:(

29. How many mirrors are in your home?
4

30. Do you have any hidden emergency money around your home?
I'm not telling you that! besides, we have none...
.
31. What color are your walls?
orange, green, blue, periwinkle, yellow, olive green wine red, beige, white

32. What does your home smell like right now?
Fresh coffee french vanilla...yum, going for my second cup now

33. Favorite candle scent?
cranberry in the winter.....such an atmosphere! ( I have those glade ones where the candle melts into a pool of wax, smells so nice!)

34. What kind of pickles are in your refrigerator right now?
dill chips, and pickled beets

35. Ever been on your roof?
yes! it's my job to put up the lights and i love it everyear!!! i change our colors every year. this year is green red and white


36. Do you own a stereo?
too many! My hubby loves electronics. which hubby doesn't? mine doesn't like a single sport, but we have the top of the edge technology (as much as our wallets can handle) I love it! He wants to buy a snow blower this year!! sheesh, for those of you that know how much sidewalk we own will figure out that he just wants another "toy" LOL


37. How many TV’s do you have?
3 Blush One big !@# TV downstairs, Our old one upstairs and a little half broken one in the girls room that isn't hooked up to cable. We went as a family for 8 years NO TV! Now that Joe's with Shaw, we're all sooped up.


39. Do you have a housekeeper?
HAHAHAHA ME!!!!

40. What style do you decorate in?
???whatever mood I'm in still tying to find my style...Hopefully my sis doesn't mind, but I rely on her for style...for clothes and home.

41. Do you like solid colors in furniture or prints?
I love solid, but that is a disaster with 4 kids! We'll have to wait

42. Is there a smoke detector in your home?
yep, isn't that regulation?

Sick kids and laundry

Don't forget to catch up on pics on my last post! There's some good ones....

Well, a different flu has suddenly hit our home again....this has been my last 24 hours...

5am: Changing Elishah's bedding from a bottle leaking all over her and the crib

6am: Changing Faith's bedding and washing a pillow because she threw up all over

8am: Changing Faith out of her Pj's that were covered in runny poop all up her back

9am: Scrubbing our new carpet, because Faith puked all over our basement stairs

10am: Washing our brand new brown comforter because Faith went diareaha all over it

10:30am Cleaning up 2 cups of spilled coffee, courtesy of Elishah's busy cruisin

11:30am Washing another pair of poopy pj's
Do I dare go on?

I has mount washmore in my laundry room that I need to conquer
I have our Lifegroup Christmas potluck that I need to prepare for
I have my niece's birthday tomorrow
And I'm still not done my Christmas shopping and baking!

If you have a burden, Please, I covet your prayers for us. Pray for complete healing and revelation. That God would show us anything that we need to do. Last year IM NOT KIDDING OR EXAGGERATING> (nin could testify) Our home was sick for 3 months straight!!! 12 weeks of fevers, flus and coughs. I have been wounded and have become intimitated of sickness even tho the word says that Christ is our healer. I have my doubts. (God forgive my unbelief!)

I'm still up and it's 12:30 am Pics....Finally!

Sometimes I stay up really late just to enjoy my house when it's quiet. Tonight Joe sold a computer which gave us some extra cash to do some more shopping. Got a babysitter, cleaned my house, came home to a clean house and kids in bed.

I lit my candles, turned on channel 419 "holiday instrumentals" (Galaxy audio listening) Comes complete with all our extras with Joe working at Shaw! I wrapped most of the presents and feeling a bit more prepared for Christmas.

I hate the pressure of buying gifts. Spending a ton of money when you don't need to. I wish it were just a time to be with family, eat turkey and hang mistletoe. Joe and I give our kids one gift each and that's it. This year they are getting two, one is their first bible! We got Noah this "super heroes of the Bible" Isaiah's is in the International Children's Version (which I'm super excited to read out loud to the kids! I am excited for me to hear it in a plainer version.

Tomorrow is our busy day, Library, story time, Piano Lessons, and Tae Kwon Do. We used to have an art class and a music class for the girls in there too! One of which I taught! (for me...that was WAY too busy!) But I did it....I made it to the end...for me it was good to see me stick out that commitment. Glad those classes are over....even tho they were a blast. Here is a picture of our little class. These are the faithful kids that came every week, I gave them each a framed picture at the end.

I should get some sleep. My kids will need a rested mom in the morning.
Noah said to me tonight when I was putting on some makeup..."mom, why do you always put on makeup? You are pretty all the time, even when you first get up and you walk around with your eyes closed....like this....(then he proceeded to demonstrate my morning face!)" Here's few pics to catch y'all up (I used that word just for your pleasure Corey!


Twinkle, twinkle little Elishah....How we wonder how your siblings could use you as a sticker board!



Our new Christmas Idol and our old one. "and the stockings were hung by the chimney with care...."



Daniel's first finger painting! And I got to be the one to do it with him!

My best friends baby and mine. they are 3 weeks apart. So adorable!





RRRRRRRRR We are smugglin diamonds!




We are the pirates who don't do anything, we just stay at home and lie around and if you ask us to do anything....we'll just tell you.....we don't do anything....


We are the sisters who have big laugh attacks, we just make fools of ourselves. And if you come out in public with us.....we'll make a fool.....out of you too!!!


HA...(evil voice) I'm Darth maul, I am on my way to finish the last of the jedi. I have sent out my prodo droids, it won't be long now....my very cool double light saber is in my back pocket.....Nah....(faith's voice) I'm just going around the block for some candy!

Ooompa Loompa....doopidee doo. I've got a head that's too big for my shoe.....oompa loompa doopadeedee....If you are a wise, you will listen to me (cause I have such a big brain...in my skull)



Faithfulness at the fun factory


The bestest picture of Daniel ever! How many pics do I have of daniel in this picture post anyway??? Hmmmm, obsess much???



Time to play outside.....then come in for hotchocolate and marshmellows. Faith made her first snow angel that day!

Paaaaaseeecohhhhhh!!!
Paaaaaseeeecohhhhhh!

(that's her cree name, and I'm singing it while I type it.) Those of you that know, I'm sure you can hear the little song in your head.

That's all folks.
Okkiee dokiee Cora lee!!

The reasons why

Convicted yet again over my reasons for loosing weight. I went out for coffee with a friend the other night and we talked about where our hearts were. I was very upfront and honest. I knew the reasons why. Mostly to be thin and to feel good about myself. What happened to being obedient to my Lord and Savior? What happened to being passionately sick of the sin of gluttony? Over time, my heart turned from right motives to wrong ones. Not to say that my heart went from holy to evil, but sliding off track in my desires. Deep down, I desire right relationship with my Daddy in heaven, it's so easy to get distracted.

God is shedding light on parts of me that need unconditional love. We all do as humans, we were created that way, so that we could find that unconditional love in Him, the one who created us. Our creator put it deep down to search for it. And most of us search for it in the wrong place. For me, He has opened my eyes to show that I am hoping to gain that acceptance from being thin. It's sad, I know.....Shallow even. Well, honestly, I don't see it that way. It's just a misplaced need that needs correction and healing.

I just pray that relationship will be restored, doing this for Him and no one else.

I've still been running, and having a blast on my parents new treadmill. I am being faithful to the walk, but there's a huge thing missing. My passion for righteousness. To say no to that extra cookie, not because I ran out of points, but because I'm full and want to submit my flesh to God. I want to die to self so He may live in me....

I want to run with that picture of Jesus at the end of the finish line cheering me on, teaching my along the way of faithfulness, steadfastness and trusting in Him. Not to run with a thin me in my head to keep me going!

These are my thoughts. I pray that God can do a change in my heart. One that lasts, for fruit that lasts....

elishah the elf

click here

Isaiah the elf

Click here

I have elfed my kids!

Super funny just click here

surviving vs thriving

Years ago, Flowerlady taught me about thriving. It's impacted me. Ever since she shared with me what it means to thrive, I've been striving to thrive ever since.

Ever since I wrote my last post, I really started to struggle. Usually when you declare something, there is testing on 2 sides. God wants to continue to deepen His work, and the enemy is out to steal what God is giving you.

It's all good. This morning, I phoned Joe to apologize again!!! Sheesh!!!!!!!!! Over the last 3 or 4 days, going back to the past....but was able to turn around with the beauty of repentance. I asked Joe before bed, "was I different today?" He said, "yes, I noticed"

Such an effort it takes. I have seen days, where it comes natural and that's where I get really excited. But for right now in this moment, I am making very concious choices without really "feeling like it"

There's a few thoughts that came to mind when I was asking God how and why I got to survival mode....

This is what He said,

I'm not filling my tank in the morning. I was getting good at spending time with Him, filling up so I had something to give my family during the day....but I guess once things go well, I figure, I don't really need to read the word today....WRONG!

I am not fixing my eyes on Jesus. I'm paying attention to the messy house, the bacteria on my fridge door and the pile of laundry that I can't seem to get through!

I am not running with perseverance the race marked before me. I'm running other races, that I think I should run, not the races God has placed before me.

I need to embrace hardships as discipline. When road blocks come ( and they are!!) Learn from them, repent where I need to, praise where I need to.....

These are some of my sleepy thoughts....Have to go write in my log now.....

High calling, low calling?? Part 1

I've been burning up with passion about being a mom and a wife again...

It started with God doing a work in my heart a few weeks ago. Bitterness and frustration were common attitudes in my heart. I was finding that my days were filled with bad thoughts of others and being angry at my kids. Even though I was trying so hard to hide it on the outside, it was seeping through anyway. God says, "out of the heart, the mouth speaks" So evidently, my children and hubby were the brunt of the crap in my heart.

My desire is to be forever changed when God does a work in my heart. I guess sometimes we do go back into old patterns, that's part of being human, but there is a new foundation that is being rooted in my character......one that I've been longing for.....one that people will recognize and say, "There's something in that girl! She's so at peace"
Praise God for JOY!
Not happiness.....JOY....

Joy has NOTHING to do with happiness. Happiness is surrounded by circumstances. Joy is found only in God. Joy is found when you are satisfied, when your purpose has been made clear and real. I've been longing for this for so many years and God is building it, as I give over the things that would normally make me bitter. When the kids spill their milk, we laugh, when there's playdoh all over the table and floor and supper is ready, we laugh. I can't believe it...our home is filled with laughter. A contentment....a deep contentment....

A contentment in what? In my purpose. For me, I am a stay at home mom for right now (who knows where I'll be in the future) but for RIGHT now, I am at home being the keeper of my home. Whether I work outside the home or not, I am a mom and a wife. Those roles do not change with my job description during the day, but I will talk about being a stay at home mom because that's where God has placed me for now.

Our society has knocked what I do all day with my kids. I've had to fight the pressure of "going out and REALLY doing something with my life" Go out and get a REAL job...." But when the dust settles, what's really important? When the day is done, what really matters?
In the end it's all about relationships.
Our kids will remember the days of playdoh and crafts, not the expensive toys we buy them.
Our kids will remember mom serving hot chocolate after playing outside in the snow, not the designer clothes they get to wear. They'll remember the stories, the cuddles, the board games, the laughing, not a clean oven, a sparkling tub and ironed shirts.

Ever since I started writing this post (it's been 3 days in the making due to lack of time) I've been challenged still with these thoughts! It's SO SO easy to fall into old patterns. It's a daily choice to focus on what really matters. For me, this is very hard at times. I just finished reading this book from the library called "Speed Cleaning 101" Good book! But it kinda leaves you feeling like you're not doing enough. "I'm not washing the bedding enough, there's bacteria on the fridge handle, I need to disinfect the kitchen sink more, I need to buy this tool and that tool, I'm not on top of this, or that....."

Man!!!! No wonder Jesus said, "take every thought that you have and scan it through the spirit lazer!! So many thoughts are detrimental to our peace and joy!!! And without knowing what the truth is, there's no way you can fight the battle of the mind!

I will write on being a wife next time. This post is getting long. I could talk about this for ever....maybe I'll make this like a part series....hee hee.....

Time to reflect

Last night I drank 2 cups of tea so that I could tear around the house and bring some order before the school week starts. Then of course I was up till 1:30 am with only my thoughts.....

These were my thoughts last night....

It's nice to have some quiet just to think with no interruptions! For a while, I actually ENJOYED the time to reflect, pray and spend some quiet time with God. We caught up, and He shared His heart with me...it was nice.....

I had the chance to just really thank Him for everything. I've just been so grateful for my home, my family, my kids....for all He does, all the mercy He shows, all the grace He gives....

I reflected on my purpose in life....To bring glory and honor to Him.....Is there ANY HIGHER CALLING?????

That will be my next blog....high calling, or low calling....

now that it's bright and early, my kids are still snoozin, my coffee is on, my tree is lit, my living room spotless....I am going to cozy up with my bible and thank Him some more! Who could ask for anything better???

update on my eating and homeschool

Well, over the last 2 months, I have gained 7 or 8 pounds. All the muscle I built over the summer running has officially turned into fat.....sigh.....

I have "started" my program many times over.....only to chuck the plan out in a few days. Started counting points again, then I'd try to eat the carb/protien plan.....only to give up and give in whenever I felt like eating whatever I wanted. Nin and I have still stayed pretty faithful to the running, only since it has snowed have we stopped. A short break in Sept, starting in October, running into the middle on November. I'm afraid of falling on the ice and don't think I'm comfortable running through the winter.

I did start counting points again on Sunday. This is day 3 for me with half my flex points gone. I had the munchies so bad last night, I just wanted to eat all evening. I counted everything I put in my mouth....

At church there was a word spoken from the Lord and I was pierced. "The Lord will complete the good work He started in you" THis was the verse God gave me when I started this journey 2 years ago. It blessed me and filled me with faith. I have to press on......I have no other option....(well I do, but death doesn't seem to appeal to me much!)


Homeschooling....

Years ago when Noah was a toddler, Joe and I started to research this path of homeschooling. I was extrememly immature in many areas. I had a dream, a vision....of what our homeschool would look like.....
Struggling with laziness, selfishness, a lack of discipline, and no structure, due to depression, it seemed like a healthy enviroment wouldn't happen for my kids. Last night in my bubble bath, I all of a sudden realized that the vision in my head of what my home would look like is what our home is!!! All the dreams I had for us, there is a foundation laid. Of course, we have our days, I have my moments, but I'm not bound to depression, fear and lies of no hope anymore.

In our homeschool philosophy as a family, we state that it is the priority to love God, eachother and the world. Academics come secondary to tying strings of fellowship and growing in the Lord. We believe that providing a rich environment with puzzles, books, paint, playdoh, crafts, crayons, educational videos, trips to the library.....will encourage them to go after what they need to learn instead of us shoving stuff in their heads all day. There has been much breakthrough when it comes to our academics as well. I am confident in our curriculum choices and the kids are responding well to it. I have taken the responsibility of teaching and training my kids to a new depth this year. A deeper revelation and joy has come.
I'm just really blessed to see the fruit God is growing in the kids and in us.

There is another side to this story....Caleb.(My first born son who died one year ago at age 9) My really good friend since I was 5, Morgan, she knows me better than I know me sometimes. She was over yesterday for a coffee and we were talking about how I've been feeling a bit 'off'. She pin pointed it right away, saying that, because I just put up the christmas trees and the holidays are approaching, I'm am missing Caleb. I feel guilty for saying this, but she pointed out as well that our family has many more resources now. More mental, physical and spiritual energy. More time, less stress which makes for a light hearted family. I am thankful that God did take him home. But there will always be a part of me that feels like something is missing.....

Caleb's face

I can't even describe in words.....But I will try

Last night after feeding Elishah in my bed, I laid there with her cradled in my arms. She fell fast asleep. Being inches from her face, I studied her. Caleb's face came out plain as day....
Here I was holding my first born, my Mr. Caleb man. He was right there in my arms, it felt like a dream, only it wasn't....it was real, it was really him....

It was weird, it was sad, it was comforting, it was scary (how much it looked like him)
I longed him, how I'd give anything back for one more cuddle....

I put Elishah back in her playpen, laying there, with a strange sense of the timing of her birth yet again. How did God plan her so perfectly? How did He know she was just what this family needed? He is God....that's why.....He wouldn't be God otherwise....
We were positive she'd be a boy.....but He gave us a girl....a girl that looks just like him, but a girl to remind us of new beginnings, not of holding on to the past.

I miss you Caleb.....One day, we will be together......
:(:(:(:(:'''(

Carriage family, train family or jet family???

I've been reflecting on the 3 types of families lately. Being that our family has gone through so many changes over the last 10 years, where do we fit??

Carriage family (Life in the slow lane)
they never start anything too quickly. THey enjoy life and experiences. They make time for reflection and thought. They keep their schedules clear to avoid stress and to have time to study, plan and understand. Their struggles can be that they don't have enough structure, or too much structure to protect their slow pace lifestyle. They can tend to fly by the seat of their pants becuase they dislike change and the unexpected.

The Train family: (Life in the fast lane)
This family is always adding one more box to their train. Their train seems to continually be getting longer and longer. They can have a difficulty saying no to things. They will think to themselves, "What's the point of going to youth group when I can lead the youth group?" If they see a need, they will meet that need. In order to handle all their commitments, they are highly organized and structured. They are steady and consistent. They are reliable and willing. But they also tend to overdo things and are overcommited. They will give their "yes" without counting the cost. And their one on one family time can lack due to all the activities in their schedule.

The jet plane family (Life at the sound barrier)
between work, church and kids programs, they can't mess two stoplights in the morning without running behind. Their days start with a "preflight briefing the night before. They carry palm pilots and on a good day will multiple targets....the grocery store, dry cleaners, school adviser, oil change, dog groomer, business meetings, music lessons and more... They can handle alot, love variety and trying new things. they are great at juggling lots of tasks, acomplish alot and learn quickly. But boredom comes easily, their lives are high stress and there is little family interaction. They also can be inconsistent due to their overpacked schedule.

All of these types of families have their strengths and weaknesses. None of them is wrong or right, God made us all different. We just need to learn to submit what we have to Christ so that He can mold our families into what He needs us to be. The beautiful thing about God is that He made us! He knows what kind of families we are! He made them that way! So He takes what He's made and molds us into families that can make a difference, love others, serve others and build the relationships between children and spouses.

I was going to share what kind of family we are and some of the things we are going through, but I just feel like I need to leave it with this for now. Take who you are to God and allow him to mold and perfect you today. If you are a jet plane family, take some time to sit down as a family and build relationship between all of you. If you are a carriage family, go out and commit to somthing out of your comfort zone for Christ. Take your strengths to God and let Him perfect them, take your weaknesses to Him and have Him help you overcome them.

Blessings in Jesus today :)