Moving on....
Although this will have the same type of thread from the last post.
God wants us to know His love. We throw that around all the time. To me, I'm actually getting tired of words. I'm sick of hearing words that center around love. It irritates me. I think it's because I really don't know what it means. I know in my head all these things, I've been asking God for them too, and I know He hears me and will answer, but I'm so broken inside. I don't know how to heal. I'm not dumb, I know I can't force healing, it will come in it's time.....but still.....
I feel like I'm hanging over a cliff but I'm not falling. Just hanging there suspended in mid air knowing that I am going to fall, that I need to fall, that I will fall eventually (surrender and fall into my Daddy God arns).....but what's the hold up?
Hurt, fear, pain.....more hurt, fear and more pain.
I feel like I'm at a crossroads. Like this could go 2 ways. I could get bitter and have my life deeply rooted in fear and insecurity. Or I could heal, love freely and walk right into my destiny. I just don't know how......
I know that my God has the power to redeem me, heal me. I do believe (speaking with my eyes of faith and choosing to speak apart from fear) that I will someday be an incredible woman equipped to help other hurting women.....of course, that's easily "said" (again with words I'm tired of hearing) but how how how how how do I get there?
My worth. Being on a deliberate chosen journey of stripping myself of some comforts, I am realizing where my worth lies. I feel like I'm on some kind of operating table with all my organs exposed. I have been crying somedays, non stop. Understand that this crying is a good thing. It's all part of releasing poison deep inside. But it's really catching me off guard.
I know I have many spiritual mothers out there that are so faithful in praying for me. I am so grateful for them, cause I know they've got my back. Please pray that I can truly forgive. I don't know how on my own strength.....
6 comments:
i am praying right now. i'm sorry it's been a crappy monday so far...
Rest my dear, just rest in His love. HE has so far mended all the peases and He will continue to do so. You can sit back and watch, relaxed and joyfull.
I love you so Nel
For one my dear friend you are not stupid. We humans are into microwaving while God is into marinating. I hear you about the cliff image. Last year God told me to jump and he'd catch me. This past month I feel like I fell into a pit. I want healing but I am hurting and unsure how to find that...other than to run into His arms and be reminded that Strength comes only from Him. I can't go on without His strength to carry me through.
Thinking of you. He loves you and is Fond of you!
dont think about falling, God wants to catch us. the more we think about failing we give more focus on the one who wants us to fail. God wants us to keep our eyes on him, cause he is faithful to care for us in the midst of the storms. remember there are sunshiny days coming your way.
I know it's cheesy....
but whats coming to my mind was all those rollercoasters I just went on! You get in, and you're scared, and you know what's coming is going to be psycho, and you feel like you're going to pee your pants.......
but YOU KNOW,
that you're safe......
just gotta say THANK YOU for your encouragement on my blog. it's such a blessing!!!!! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!
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