The sweet place of surrender

There's only two kinds of pain
There's the pain of walking in your sin...
and the pain of going through the fire with the Lord.

Walking in sin without repenting is so painful! There's such weight, such a heavy load that isn't meant for you to carry! It wasn't meant for human kind to carry, it was meant to Jesus to take it. So when you choose to stay in rebellion, you will just ever increasingly get more and more weary with no peace....it's not a fun place.

But the fire is such a sweet place. Where your flesh burns alive and hurts like crazy, but in the purification, there is peace and blessing right in the midst of being burned alive. In the midst of all your fears screaming with ear piercing screams, with pain so great, you think you won't make it......God is ever near. His love knows no bounds!
In His Love I can hide there
I can cry there safely
He'll comfort me, heal me, bring me peace....

Even when the world around me has crashed, He never changes~ His love never fails, it never stops, it never runs out, there's always enough.

God is teaching me that I have a choice at all times. I never have "the right" to walk apart from faith. NEVER.
Sin will always always bring consequences. There is never a time when a price isn't paid for walking in sin.
My spirit in this last weekend has started grasing this verse:
These three remain, FAITH HOPE AND LOVE, But the greatest of these is LOVE.

HOW TRUE......God's love.....there is no words.......

The love of Jesus

While we were still sinners, Christ died for us
He became sin for us on our behalf so that we may live
His love is unconditional...it doesn't matter your performance, He just wants YOU!
He is slow to anger and quick to forgive
Our sins have been cast as far as the east from the west (that's a neverending GAP!)
He is the God of reconciliation
The God of restoration
The God of redemption
The God of provision

He is worthy.....seriously, after all He's done.....He is worthy of all our lives....
God's grace and supernatural power to get through troubled times is never ending. You have all you need at all times....
He is faithful
I wish my words could really capture Him in my heart. But the important thing....is that HE knows.....He knows....He knows all.....

Is Jesus enough?

If the very thing you love the most was taken from you, would Jesus be enough?
Is His love enough to sustain you?
Is His presence your refuge where you go?
Do you find the peace that passes all understanding when you get to the strong tower?

These questions grieves me because I know the answers aren't what I thought they were.
My desire and the truth aren't matching.

So that you know, there is still amazing miracles happening and God is healing as I said before. But He's really wanting to rebuild a poorly built foundation in my life. It's exciting, yet very painful. To lay down the things that you love the most, your dreams and hopes. To trust that He will give back to you what He knows best....

I know He is good....I want to passionately pursue the One that pursued me first....
Jesus.....He's the way, the truth and the life.
Be my Vision.....

funny movies

CLICK HERE!!!!! YOU HAVE TO SEE THESE MOVIES!

Keep Praising God!!!! (115-131)

115. So so thankful for songs like: - Praise you in this storm (casting crowns) You are my home, Lead us Lord, You surround me (Brian Doerkson) Reason enough (Avalon) This road (Ginny Owens) Above All (Micheal W. Smith)

116. Verses like: God is able to make ALL grace abound to you so that in ALL things at ALL times, having ALL you need, you will abound in every good work.

117. We are therefore Christ's ambassadors as thought God were making his appeal through us.

118. Knowledge puffs up, but LOVE builds up Those who thinks he knows something does not yet know as he ought to know. But the man who loves God is KNOWN by God.

119. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith, who for the JOY set BEFORE him endured the cross.....Consider him so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

120. To Him who is able to do IMMEASURABLY more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us.

121. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, be thankful and let the word of God dwell in you richly as you lift one another up with all wisdom.

122. (speaking of wisdom..) The wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all PURE, then PEACELOVING, CONSIDERATE, SUBMISSIVE, FULL OF MERCY, AND GOOD FRUIT AND SINCERE.

123. For you know the grace of our Lord JEsus Christ, that though he was RICH, yet for (MY) sake he became POOR so that (I) through His poverty, might become rich........

124. Teach me your way and I will walk in your truth. Give me an UNDIVIDED heart, that I may fear your name......

125. You are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger and abounding in love and faithfulness!

126. When I am weak, then you are made strong

127. All things are possible with God

128. That His word never returns void

129. That no weapon formed against us will prosper.

130. That the battle belongs to Him

131. That I am loved unconditionally and am never alone.

My daily updates are now coming to an end

Healing and reconciliation are happening.

Our family is now under God's covering and protection. No more details will be shared. But i want to praise God for all He is doing and is going to do!

Our family is being transformed. Sometimes we need to hit bottom before we can be lifted up....and that's what we hit!

Thanks all for you prayers and support.
Don't stop praying! there is much to do.......we need all the covering we can get.
Blessings, and signing off on this chapter of my public blog.....

my cry for the last week ps 86

(in the last verse, I've been asking God for a sign of His goodness....he gave me that yesterday)
God's love for us unbelieveable! it's so pure and so rich......i'm overwhelmed at how true it really is......

Psalm 86

Hear me, LORD, and answer me,
for I am poor and needy.

² Guard my life, for I am faithful to you;
save your servant who trusts in you.
You are my God; ³ have mercy on me, Lord,
for I call to you all day long.

⁴ Bring joy to your servant, Lord,
for I put my trust in you.

⁵ You, Lord, are forgiving and good,
abounding in love to all who call to you.

⁶ Hear my prayer, LORD;
listen to my cry for mercy.

⁷ When I am in distress, I call to you,
because you answer me.

⁸ Among the gods there is none like you, Lord;
no deeds can compare with yours.

⁹ All the nations you have made
will come and worship before you, Lord;
they will bring glory to your name.

¹⁰ For you are great and do marvelous deeds;
you alone are God.

¹¹ Teach me your way, LORD,
that I may rely on your faithfulness;
give me an undivided heart,
that I may fear your name.

¹² I will praise you, Lord my God, with all my heart;
I will glorify your name forever.

¹³ For great is your love toward me;
you have delivered me from the depths,
from the realm of the dead.

¹⁴ Arrogant foes are attacking me, O God;
a band of ruthless people seeks my life—
they have no regard for you.

¹⁵ But you, Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God,
slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.

¹⁶ Turn to me and have mercy on me;
show your strength in behalf of your servant
and save the son of a woman
who served you before me.

¹⁷ Give me a sign of your goodness,
that my enemies may see it and be put to shame,
for you, LORD, have helped me and comforted me.

thank you God for today

Today there is hope. There is healing taking place.
Today God spoke His peace to us.
Today was a new day

God is faithful and good. He is our Father that cares for us.

not coping

yet another day

-love does crazy things
-when you become one flesh, being apart is not possible
-God is changing me
-learning more about His unconditional love than I ever have
-There are no strings attached with love
-a revelation of my emotions being my god
-so so thankful for all the support
-thank you holly for the super yummy pizza last night and the joy of your baby
-thank you chris for the beautiful flowers
-thank you monica for coming over to help clean
-thank you carol for coming and putting my not so sober self to bed
-thank you steph and morgan for listening
-thank you mom and dad for taking care of my kids when i can't
-thank you nin for being the BEST SISTER EVER, crying with me
-thank you mom and sis (in law) for loving us and all your help
-thank you for all of you that are praying


-Hopeful
-scared
-Looking up

today.....

-loving him
-would do anything for him
-feels like someone ripped off half my body and took it away
-the love i have in me feels like it could do ANYTHING for reconciliation

Meditating on this today:

Love is patient
Love is kind
Love does not envy
Love does not boast
Love is not proud
Love is not rude or self seeking
Love is not easily angered
Love does not keep a record of wrongs
Love does not delight in evil
Love rejoices with the TRUTH

LOVE ALWAYS PROTECTS
LOVE ALWAYS TRUSTS
LOVE ALWAYS HOPES
LOVE ALWAYS PERSEVERES
LOVE NEVER FAILS

even more point form......

-angry today
-totally abandoned
-discarded
-missing my other half
-wondering the process of a hardened heart
-willing
-always willing
-rejected
-my kids....God give them peace
-God, fill in the gaps
-God, don't let me loose hope
-hanging on by a thread
-a thin thread
-i keep telling myself 'don't give into despair'
-can't sleep at night
-wake up early
-can't eat
-have lost 8 pounds in one week
-PLEASE PRAY

more point form

-waiting is really really hard
-wondering how this happened
-very sad
-am I loveable?
-Am I worth it?
-Even though I gave my very being, was it not enough?
-quiet
-praying lots
-trying to be strong
-totally confused

-On the other hand:
-I can see straight through God's eyes
-His peace is carrying me
-the God of the whole universe loves me with an everlasting love
-He won't let even one get away
-there is always hope......

a point form update

-stressed
-mad
-yet feel God's presence
-sad
-trying not to worry
-it's 3 in the morning and I shouldn't be up!
-feel like I'm in a dream
-confused
-wonder what's really under the rug
-how long it's been there
-I honestly do sense God's peace
-through all the thoughts and worry, He's here, close to me
-thankful for my friends and spiritual family
-self esteem shot
-crushed, but not destroyed

Our homeschool

This is our homeschool candle. Every morning we light it and pray that Jesus is the light of our school and day. So that we aren't in the dark and we can follow His way. It stays burning as long as we are studying! The aroma reminds me of His sweetness.

I love these little drawers! Smelly markers, gel pens, glue sticks, dry erase, pencil crayons, pens and pencils! We've got it all!




The drawers where we keep all our papers and books.
Our schedule. So far so good. We have 45 minute slots this year instead of 30 minutes. It's been more relaxing to be able to take our time instead of beating the clock.


These are the books we are using. There will be more once I get my hands on the curriculum fair and the used book sale!!!! WOO HOO!! The black book on the bottom is my daily planner and log.

Noah's books. Math-U-See for math, Learning Language Arts through Literature- for L/A, and Accelerated Christian Education for a complimentary L/A and social studies. Faith's preschool workbooks are at the bottom right corner. We print alot of the net and do a lot of painting and crafts. We use pennies to count, puzzles to do, and even the leap pad to learn our letters better!
These are the multi-level teaching materials geared specifically to homeschool families with many kids. The KONOS book is that big yellow book and off to the left. KONOS is a unit study based program that has science, history, math, L/A, music, art, bible, and lifeskills all in one! It comes with a cool timeline that you use through out the year. (I still have to get that up!)
A Beka has a health program we are going to do this year.
History Alive is a christian perspective on the creation through history. (I learn alot from this one!) And we are using an art curriculum this year too!
Isaiah's side. Math-U-See (Love that program!) Learning Language Arts through Literature (grade 2 level) How to teach your child to read in 100 easy lessons. Recommended by veteran homeschool moms. Very good program and it only cost me 12 bucks! (she's almost done this book now) ACE (Accelerated Christian Education) for social studies.

sad

I am sad today. For a few reasons. Most I'm not able to say.
But because I'm committed to honesty on my blog and being real, I thought I would just share where I'm at.

I wonder what God will do?
I wonder what little choices that are made day after day will affect the future?
I wonder if this will make me stronger, or make me fall apart. Today, I feel that things are falling apart.

But I only know in PART......
I guess I will add one more thing to be thankful

115. God knows the whole story.....
Please hold us in Your Hand......

1000 Blessings 100-114

100. Today I am thankful for my mother in law. i hope she's reading this so she can know how much I love her and appreciate her. I stopped by her house to pick up a baby gate today to find her baking a strawberry rhubarb custard pie for her future son in law. She's always serving someone! Her home is always open. She let me come in and plan the rest of my school. It's just so peaceful over there.

101. I am thankful that she took my son to B.C. a couple of weeks ago. I was able to see all the pictures from the trip and he must have had a blast! She took him on the sky train and a boat and to the river (really close to the ocean) They went to the zoo, and swam in his great aunt's pool! The time and resources that she invests into my kids.....so so thankful and I love her so much!

102. I am so thankful that God has found my sister in law her mate. She has been looking (so has he!) for a long time! He is perfect for her. they are for eachother.

103. I am thankful that I am ready for school. I have all my books and schedules ready. I pray that God blesses our learning year!

104. I am thankful for frozen pizza!

105. Ikea cups

106. Gel pens

107. watermelon smelling hand soap

108. Febreeze Mr. Clean

109. Gaviscon maximum strength foaming tablets

110. Relaxation music and candles

111. the colors of fall right around the corner

112. All the crafts that go with fall!

113. All my fall decorations that will be coming out soon!

114. And....I AM caffeine free! since Wednesday! I miss it terribly!!!!!!! But, just shows how much of a God is was in my life! I think of drinking coffee, it seems like 50 times a day
"I'll just stop at timmy's for a coffee"
"I'll go to nin's for a coffee"
"I'm going to sit down and make myself some coffee while the kids are quiet"

One morning, I even got up went straight to the coffee machine and took the pot and filled it with water.....I caught myself and said outloud, "What are you doing???" that was hard.