Caleb's death anniversary and hospital

God's timing is perfect, but as a human, sometimes, I don't understand that whole perfect part....

On Caleb's 2 year death anniversary (Oct 27), Joe was put under for emergency surgery. His appendix had ruptured and was severely infected. It had absessed. He's been in the hospital since monday. The doctors said that "his appendix was one of the worst we had seen, it was BAD! It was a real mess in there"

Joe's on some heavy anitbiotics, but there was talk yesterday of opening him up again to do some more cleaning. I sure pray that doesn't happen. When Joe 'woke up' from the anesthestic, he was in intense pain! From all the sucking and prodding and cutting they did. The surgery was an hour over what they thought it would take, because of the big mess inside.

Days at the hospital. We don't know when he will be coming out. Please pray for us. Our kids and our family. We need health and wholeness.....

Our family trip to Edmonton

Before we went to Edmonton, we spent a day in the park. On that beautiful day when the leaves were so colorful!





My dad happened to be in Edmonton on the same day! How cool is that? So I convinced him to do the mind bender with me! So much fun! I screamed the whole time and dad laughed uncontrollably!

Joe and Noah on the famous swing of the century!


The classic merry go round. Faith rode this about 3 times!

The mini coaster.
On the balloon ride! We had so much fun!

In the play land. It's like the fun factory, only 20 times better!
The good ol spaghetti factory


On to the water park!



I ran into Noah at one point in the water park and asked how he was doing. I heard him say something about the sky screamer. I jumped in and said,'NO! you can't go on that!" He said, "mom, i already did!" LONG PAUSE......."Oh,......then let me go get my camera and take a picture of you then!" So here's Noah way at the top of the tallest slide!


This was a new thing they built! It was amazing and so much fun! At the very top, you can see a big "slurpee type cup" it would fill with water and then dump on the whole play structure!!!! it was cool!
Me and my faithfullness
Joe and Faith relaxing on the "beach"
The girls running through the surf
Time to go :(
And a last trip to the Science center before we hit the road. We ended up getting in for free since there wasn't many galleries open from "body worlds"
It was a blast. Something that we all needed....Back to real life....

Weight loss, running and family trip

It's so weird how something that can be such a big battle at one point in your life and then with a serious change of circumstances, that struggle just doesn't matter anymore.

I really don't care about food anymore. Ever since this whole "thing" started, I'm down 20 pounds. Food just doesn't taste good anymore. I guess at this point in my life, I am more determined to get to a place where I'm happy with my body and weight. I am officially NOT overweight anymore! I am actually healthy! I had a weight watchers goal 3 years ago which I only got within 3 pounds of it. Now I'm below it....

So I guess stress does have it's good points.....I do feel better about myself knowing that I've shed another chunk of fat. I've also started running again, which feels amazing being so much lighter! The difference now is that I spend the whole time in deep worship. All my stupid music has been permanently deleted! So that feels good too. Such a black and white difference to run with God and focus my soul on Him than to fill my head and spirit with junk.

So that's another little update. Joe is taking us to Edmonton for a family trip. We leave on Monday, very excited! We will be at the water park and I'm going to meet my dad up there and go on the mind bender rollercoaster with him! Ikea will be seeing us and the Olive Garden of course! Also, one of mine and Joe's favorite restaurants is the spaghetti factory. Everytime we are at West Ed Mall, we make a trip for the Spaghetti Factory!

Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes always perseveres....
Love never fails.

The love that God has given us is such a supernatural blessing. I read in a book the other day that in a marriage, at some point, you will have to die to self in order to hold that thing together. And that love that comes from the flesh will eventually run out. You will run dry. We are not designed by God to love without Him. He IS LOVE! Without God as the source, love runs dry.

Only a supernatural source of life and love can survive the attacks against marriages today. God has been so good and gentle....I'm amazed at all the love that Joe and I have for each other that's always been there. and it's grown over the last 13 years. He's worth it, what we have together is worth it. He's my other half, my soul mate, we just fit together like hot chocolate and pumpkin pie. There's no other fit. What God has joined together, let man not separate.....

Love always protects
always hopes
always trusts
always perseveres

world turned upside down....again....

totally struggling today to hold on to truth. I'm tired of my world crashing. There's only one thing that can save me, the cross of Jesus. I am so weak. If God places prayers on your heart, please lift us up in faith. Please stand in the gap for us. This is the hardest thing I've ever gone through in my life! Pray that I hold true to what God says.

If anyone has a word from God or a scripture, please share if God tells you to.

Thanks to all who love us and are praying.

Do you go to the store for milk or the cow???

The daily battle and renewal of the christian....Dying to self and living in spirit. Every follower of Jesus is in the process of becoming who they already are in Christ. The moment that Christ was invited into our lives, we immediately inherit all the spiritual blessings and become co-heirs with him. We immediately become holy, righteous, blameless, forgiven as far as the east is from the west and so much more than we could ever imagine!

We are made up of 4 parts. Our soul (which is our mind, will and emotions) and then when we invite God into our hearts, through Jesus, we awaken our spirit. Our spirit man is where God lives. Our flesh is our thoughts, feelings and our bodies. A lot of Christians walk around living from their flesh. They make decisions based on their feelings, their past experiences and how they are feeling physically that day. But God designed us to live out of our spirits. The place where there is a never ending source of strength. A never ending source of love, wisdom, and grace.

I've been praying, asking God to reveal the secrets of His promises and His word. I'm such an analyzer, I try to mentally 'figure out' the mysteries of God. I am so amazed at how much I live in my flesh! He tells us to "Live by the spirit and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh which bring death and sin" With everything that's happened in our home, our marriage, I am blessed/challenged to rely fully on God.

There's nothing in my strength that I can do to help all of this. It's true when God says that He is made perfect in our weakness! Each day, God shows me in a deeper way that HE IS THE ONLY ANSWER! I run to Joe to 'fix' how I feel, but he doesn't have the equipment to "feed me".

It's a funny walk, because God did design marriage to be a physical picture of a spiritual truth. He created the man to play the role of Christ, while the woman plays the role of the church. Christ died for the church! The man was designed to be the giver, the coverer, the protector, and the one who washes his wife's spirit with the word and builds her up.....

There is a story that Joe had me read last week and it's perfect for what I'm trying to say. A father and a son go to a farm and the father shows him how to milk a cow. The boy says, "THAT"S NOT REAL MILK!!! Real milk comes from a store!!!!!"

so often I go to the store for my source of milk, instead of the cow! God is the real source, the real deal, unfiltered grace and love, unfiltered covering and protection, unfiltered washing!!! But I've spent my life going to the store getting milk without its natural vitamins. Even tho Joe has God living inside of him and is equipped to "feed me" and is designed to "feed me" if I don't go to the cow first, it doesn't matter how much Joe feeds me, I'm going to eventually starve!

So I'm learning to go to the cow, and in the process, I'm realizing how much I've been drinking watered down milk that's lost so many vitamins.
Teach me God, I need you.....

Right order

God's order is amazing. Out of His perfect love for us, He has arranged, created, and designed an order for everything. It's been a very scary thing for me to let go of my plans and dreams and trust that God will rebuild it all. I am watching someone transform before my very eyes! It's the most amazing, scariest thing I've ever seen! If God has prepared us for such time as this, then He will give me what I need to follow Him.

It's time to make the order right. It's time to let go of false security blankets, pacifiers and things that medicate the pain. It's time to lay it down right, jump off the biggest cliff of them all. To let go of everything. To learn true surrender. It's time to die, so that we can dream again.

God spoke to me today, He said, "matthew 14:26" (sometimes, he will whisper a scripture in my head and He never fails to amaze that it speaks to me everytime!)

It says, "they saw Jesus walking on the water but didn't recongnize him and said, "IT"S A GHOST!!!" and Jesus IMMEDIATELY replied, "Take courage, it is I, don't be afraid."

Man.......I never would have dreamed that God would tear it all down, to build something made of real rubies and diamonds. I never thought that I would be able to 'shake off the dust' of the past and clothe myself in robes of splendor.....

Thanks for the valley? Yes! Thank you for the valley!

It's still so amazing to me each day that in the crunch, in fire, in pressure, in a hot desert, in the pruning....what can truly be accomplished.

When you're hanging on by that one thread (and if that one thread is Jesus) miracles happen. God gives me more each day to hold on to. The foundation on which my faith stands is being rebuilt. The branches that are not bearing fruit are being pruned so that through Him, I will bear fruit. It's been my heart's cry for years....

He is gently removing/I am surrendering all that is not Him
He is replacing/I'm allowing Him to fill me
What a process. I'm a quick fix kinda person. I often ponder that I've been married for 12 years and it's taken all this time to begin to learn these things. I often grieve the time lost. But in my grief of lost time, God gives me this:

Better is ONE day in your courts, than 1000 days else where. I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God that dwell in the tents of the wicked. Blessed is the man who trusts in You....

I've always wanted it real. I've always hated fake.
And now, it's God's chance to make it real.
To get rid of the fake, the fantasy.
The truth hurts, but it sets you free.
So each day, we choose the hard truth over a fake love.....

Truth for me and my family

Thus saith the Lord: (Isaiah 54 in my words)

Enlarge your tent!
Don't be afraid!
You will forget the shame of your youth
The Holy One is your Redeemer
He is your husband
My unfailing love for you will not be shaken
Oh, afflicted family! Lashed by storms and not comforted!
I will build you with stones of turquiose
Your foundations with sapphires
You battlements with rubies
You walls with precious stones

You kids will be taught by the Lord and great will be their peace.
Tyranny will be far from you and you will have nothing to fear!
He is making us weapons. He alone is shaping our lives into something new.
No weapon formed against us will have victory!

the power of thoughts

I've been down the last couple of days. Still growing, still being carried, but down. God's way is so much higher than our ways. Following after God's plan and purposes are so foreign to human nature!

To grasp His love, His mercy, forgiveness, His grace and power......humans put God in a little box all the time! Our logic loves and takes comfort in what we know and see.

That is the opposite of faith. Faith is being sure of what is unseen....
Everything that is apart from faith is sin. WOW. every step I'm taking in this fire is either out of faith or fear. Fear brings death, faith brings life. It's so cut and dry for me today. Yesterday I chose to fear. Today, I am choosing to believe in what is unseen.

These are my thoughts today.
I will not settle for anything less than a 10. A 10 in my marriage, family and my personal walk with my God.
He is either redeemer or He's not
He is either healer, deliverer, or He's not

There's no maybe with God. He just IS. He calls Himself, "I AM"

And I know HE IS.....