Alright, that'll do donkey.....that'll do....

Okay, my life is falling apart all around me. Everything that can be IS being shaken. I think.....(God prolly has more up his sleeve I'm sure....)

I am totally convicted these days to be a "DOER of the the word" This morning as I was doing my devotions, I was reading about peace. (I've decided that I need to know what the word says about peace and how to get it and how to KEEP it in the midst of all trials.)
As I was reading, "Keep peace and pursue it" Joe calls shaw cable to find out that we're being screwed! They told us we weren't going to get charged....yada yada....and the lady is saying that we are!

"Hey lady! Don't you know we are without income, my basement looks like a tornado came through, homeschooling is surviving by a thread, our bills are coming out our yin yang and on top of it all.....don't you know that I just finished reading to pursue peace and you are part of my test!!! I really don't like you at this moment and I don't want to pursue peace with you! I just want you to erase my bill so that I can get what I THINK peace is...."

Of course, I didn't say that to her, but I was thinkin it. I failed the test.....again. I hung up on her and then cried some more.....There's no way on earth that that lady would have known I was a follower of Christ. My sister has been sharing some of her learnings with me and how God is showing her what a fool is. A fool is someone who hears the word of God and doens't obey it. That would be me this morning. Oh, Lord I really am trying!!!

Okay, I can do this.....No correction, God can do this through me. I can't do this on my own, I NEED the grace and power of His resurrection. I will get this. I will not give up.....
I will continue to pick up my cross daily....minutly (is that a word?) and follow him. I know God is with me and His love is neverending. The bible says that we are to PURSUE peace....to earnestly seek after it. That means of course.....more action, more "doing" more step by step obedience......sigh......

Those that wait on the Lord will renew their strength, they will rise up like the eagle, they will run and not grow weary, walk and not faint

God, I surrender to you. I obviously can't do this. COme and fill me so that I am impowered to walk walk walk this road.....Love you lots because you first loved me.

It's getting HOT in here man!

Well, right about now I could go for a bigmac loaded with a million lovely calories in the form of mayo, grease and bigmac sauce. On the side would be a supersize fries with mayo on each fry, and then a giant milkshake....rasberry.......
Joe just came downstairs....just now....I have been really fighting "depression" in the last week. Now I don't like using that word, I don't even know it's true definition other than you are all filled with self and need to stop concentration on your pitiful life and look to Jesus. Joe said these things to me, "we need to stick together on this or we won't make it. " ..................................I know he's right..........sigh..........
He said, "we don't have the option to get depressed in our circumstances right now".........He's right again................sigh.........

I've just been tired and overwhelmed. Lani told me a long time ago, she said, "having lots of kids and trying to clean your house is like shovelling snow in a blizzard" That's how I feel my house is functioning right now. My kids are a big huge help...bless their little hearts, they work hard. They can independantly clean their rooms, make their beds, clean the living room with no help, set the table, unload the dishwasher (it takes one on the counter and one passing the dishes)......they are great kids....I've just got a bad attitude and need to fix it real fast!!!

God help!
I see glimspes of the light in the tunnel. I see you are testing me to my very core.....EEEOOUUWWWW!!! I don't wanna jump out of this cooking pot! But it's getting hot in here man! The glimspes that you show me God are full of peace and joy....but I NEED TO WALK through the tunnel, you can't do it for me. I need to lower my pride, swallow the lump in my throat, suck it up and get off my sh*tter.
Joe offered me his hand (literally) I told him my nails were wet and couldn't mess them up. But, I think I better go do what I need to do and go and unite with joe and pray for God's grace and mercy.
He is faithful to those who ask. He is our daddy that will never give us a stone. He WILL refuse, though, if we ask with wrong motives.....Kinda hard to have phony motives when He's pulling you apart and exposing you from every side.
No where to hide anymore....

God, I need you. I choose to fix my eyes. I will WALK where you tell me to. For your glory.....
Love you lots and lots....because you first loved me.

Mount Everest!

Let me take you on my adventure with me! Ready......here we go.....:):)

2 months ago, I am walking with Audrey. I am telling her my struggles with food and my many failures at weight loss. I share with her with a hardened heart of stone that I'm bulemic...and that's just who I am. As we get to my house, she speaks into my life. I've heard encouragement before. Many have told me that God will heal me. I have even tried telling myself the same truths, but it could never penetrate my hardened heart. But this time, without warning, her words cut through like that darn double egded sword! All of a sudden, I am totally shocked that my eyes have tears and my heart is hurting. I tell myself, "hey, wait a second! I don't want to hurt over this anymore! Why is my heart going soft??"
God had other plans.....He usually does.....
God says, through Audrey, "I AM BIGGER THAN THIS STRUGGLE"
It was simply put, said in passing.....but I knew that it was true and that it was time to start walkin this road....

Do you think this journey is about issues with food???
CAUSE IT'S NOT!

God is using this mountain in my life to speak far more than I ever thought possible!!

When I was walking with audrey that day, I took a look at my life as I was sharing my testimony with her. I told her of small mountains, hills and a few valleys. (marriage, kids, staying the path, submitting to authority....) Then I shared with her "my Mount Everest"------> My stronghold of gluttony. The one mountain that will never be conquered. The one place that can not be helped, changed, or touched....
I have told myself that if God conquers this battle----HE CAN DO ANYTHING!

I am no longer afraid
I have jumped off my cliff and into my father's arms.

Looking back, I realize that my perspective was WAY OFF! My "mount everest" was actually a small hill. My lack of faith made a mountain out of a mole hill. God has much greater mountains for me to cast into the sea than bulemia! What are they, I don't know yet, but we are to know in part so that FAITH CAN DO IT'S WORK. The word says that our faith is MORE VALUABLE THAN GOLD and that it MUST be proven genuine so that God gets all the glory honor and praise.

I love nin's post! To PUT your hope in the Lord is an action. It's a stepping, it's a physical moving. Not a feeling, not an excitement in your spirit, not a acummulation of knowlegde.....BUT TO MOVE MOVE MOVE MOVE.....GET GOING....GO GO GO

I have lost 13 pounds so far....(big deal...) That is the fruit of a STEP BY STEP obedience to God's call.
What was God's call for me?

To loose weight and stop being so fat?
To fit into my old clothes?
To look good for others?
To "feel" attractive for my hubby?
To "help" my self esteem? (By the way, I've learned that "self esteem" is actually the best recipe for depression. Think of the word....SELF esteem?? Aren't we supposed to be selfLESS? Isn't our identity supposed to be in Christ, not in ourselves?)

God's call for me is much greater than all that shallow crap
He desires to set me free
so I can set the captives free
heal the lame and the sick
to GO and make disciples!!!!

And a personal bonus for me.....I can be a dancer without killing myself everytime I jump a few times....(sigh)
This is only the tip of the iceburg.

God is faithful
perfect in timing
perfect in judgement
perfect in love
perfect in compassion
perfect in power
perfect in discipline

The word of the Lord is perfect....totally flawless ( Psalm... something.....)


Thanks for walking with me.
Gotta go keep on truckin'
Love you all!

God, my business man!

Day 2 in our homeschool. It's going good. I'm going to be so busy this year! Glad to know that God is in the business of giving us His grace so we have all we need to do what He wants us to. Faith is such a go getter, climbing stairs, crawling everywhere....and fast!.....She's no longer interested in toys, just where she can go and how's the fastest way to get there. Playpens are boring, jolly jumpers are slow moving and napping is just cruel man!
Trying to keep my home well rounded and balanced. From spirituality to phys ed. From cooking tips to math manipulatives. I have about 5000 drawers in my home now....(exaggeration) so that makes things sooooo much easier. It's all there right at my fingertips.
I'm just babbling....thinking that it's been a week since i've blogged last. There are alot of things below this surface talk that's happening right now, but not the timing to share as of yet. AND NO I"M NOT PREGNANT! I had a dream I was AAAAHHHHH God I hope that's not prophetic!
Well, gotta go make my lawn greener, so that I'll have to cut it more and so on.....
My food journey has over all been going well. Yesterday and today, had another slip.....:( It's so dumb. I don't know why I have it in my brain that I can't ever make a mistake! I have this stupid idea that weight loss won't happen if the track record isn't perfect.....anyway, glad God is in the business of renewing my mind, cause I need a brain transplant...
Going to Tae kwon do tonight with my son....that'll be fun. I was really good at one point in my life. 2 belts away from black but had to quit for money reasons. Glad God is in the business of redeeming and giving back what the locusts have eaten!