Well, right about now I could go for a bigmac loaded with a million lovely calories in the form of mayo, grease and bigmac sauce. On the side would be a supersize fries with mayo on each fry, and then a giant milkshake....rasberry.......
Joe just came downstairs....just now....I have been really fighting "depression" in the last week. Now I don't like using that word, I don't even know it's true definition other than you are all filled with self and need to stop concentration on your pitiful life and look to Jesus. Joe said these things to me, "we need to stick together on this or we won't make it. " ..................................I know he's right..........sigh..........
He said, "we don't have the option to get depressed in our circumstances right now".........He's right again................sigh.........
I've just been tired and overwhelmed. Lani told me a long time ago, she said, "having lots of kids and trying to clean your house is like shovelling snow in a blizzard" That's how I feel my house is functioning right now. My kids are a big huge help...bless their little hearts, they work hard. They can independantly clean their rooms, make their beds, clean the living room with no help, set the table, unload the dishwasher (it takes one on the counter and one passing the dishes)......they are great kids....I've just got a bad attitude and need to fix it real fast!!!
God help!
I see glimspes of the light in the tunnel. I see you are testing me to my very core.....EEEOOUUWWWW!!! I don't wanna jump out of this cooking pot! But it's getting hot in here man! The glimspes that you show me God are full of peace and joy....but I NEED TO WALK through the tunnel, you can't do it for me. I need to lower my pride, swallow the lump in my throat, suck it up and get off my sh*tter.
Joe offered me his hand (literally) I told him my nails were wet and couldn't mess them up. But, I think I better go do what I need to do and go and unite with joe and pray for God's grace and mercy.
He is faithful to those who ask. He is our daddy that will never give us a stone. He WILL refuse, though, if we ask with wrong motives.....Kinda hard to have phony motives when He's pulling you apart and exposing you from every side.
No where to hide anymore....
God, I need you. I choose to fix my eyes. I will WALK where you tell me to. For your glory.....
Love you lots and lots....because you first loved me.
4 comments:
I love your heart and we will get through this tough time together, hand in hand. Lets push through and show our flesh who's boss and do the stuff we need to do. God will bless this and show himself faithful.
I echo Firestarter Carebear, Cling to the "Rock" and to each other! God will get ya through. Having each other to hang onto is a whole lot better than going it alone...trust me. Bless you guys. -Moose
Sarah, please do me the honor of e-mailing me directly. I have something I'd like to ask you, and it's private. I promise I won't abuse the privilege. My e-mail is suehenderson_2000@yahoo.com. I may be able to help some.
Hey CareBear! Ok...it sounds like you are under tremendous stress. Depression feeds off of that. I battle with clinical depression and it is very physical for me (possibly a manifestation of Chronic Fatigue). I don't even feel depressed...I feel oppressed...very heavy. My eyelids, my muscles...they just feel heavy. My vision is even affected by it and blurs when I skip my meds. My thinking is slower and I find I'm searching for words. I hurt in all of my muscles and joints and no matter how much sleep I get, I feel just as tired when I awaken.
Depression is not something you can just "snap" out of. Sometimes it has nothing to do with being self-absorbed. It takes prayer, faith, mind over matter, and sometimes, yes, it takes meds. Take your body seriously. It is letting you know something is wrong. Don't ignore it. Your family needs you healthy. {{hugs}}
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