I've been thinking alot about divorce and separation in the last 6 months. Being that my family almost broke apart and I had a taste of heartbreak and abandonment, my eyes are opened to so many things.
I've been amazed at how divorce and separation are EVERYWHERE!! EVERYWHERE PEOPLE! Before Joe left me in the fall, I would have to say that I lived in a "happily ever after" bubble. My marriage would never crumble and it was normal to see relationships broken around me. But it would never happen to me! After all, we said "I do, till death parts us"
How are we coping as a society, as a church, as mankind to deal with all this divorce? I'd have to say, NOT VERY WELL. Everywhere I go, there's a woman, heart broken from separation.
At Faith's ballet this morning, a mom on her cell phone, "So I guess I'm taking her to skating? It's your weekend!" Then addresses her 3 year old daughter, "Sorry honey, you can't see your dad today, I will take you to his house tomorrow"
Last year I watched mom from Isaiah's ballet class go through a divorce. Now a year later, her face has no life, no joy, and walls built so thick around her....it grieves me.
When Joe left me, My chest literally hurt. The pain was like nothing I had ever felt. Childbirth was a breeze! I'd do 48 hours of labor any day, over going through separation!
How does society deal with it? We are so empty as mankind! Just turn on your radio and all you will hear are songs that are trying to cope and deal with the rejection, the abandonment, the hurt, the betrayal of adultery.....
Women and men are made different. God designed us with different desires. Women long to be the beauty of a story. They long for a prince that will fight for her to the death. Men long to be a warrior. It's in their blueprints to have a woman to fight for, to be that valiant knight in a story, rescuing a princess in a castle. Movies everywhere captivate this. LOTR have influencial princesses and strong men that are honorable and courageous. Braveheart, saving private ryan, even maid in manhattan is a story of Cinderella. It's in our core, in our beings.
Men and woman that don't have that moral compass inside (God) don't have the ability to love another properly. Their love becomes toxic. If you compare the men and women popular artists, you will be able to hear the poison, the ways of coping, the toxic love that comes into their lyrics.
Our world is empty and filling their voids with ways to survive all the heartache. Songs by women sing of using their bodies as leverage over men to recieve toxic love. Toxic is better than nothing. Men sing about power and control and about worshipping the body of a woman. It's such a game. And mankind knows how the game is played.
Lady gaga sings a song called "Love game" and it literally talks about how the game is played. "Pokerface" is another example of the manipulation and mindgames that are played out there. She says, "I'll get him hot, show him what I've got" but all the while keeping a pokerface cause she's holding all the cards.
Britney Spears actually has a song called "Toxic" that's pretty sick. Most of her music centers around playing the game. "womanizer, Radar and Break the Ice" to name a few. "Circus" talks about her being the center of attention, having all the power and control. She says,"I run a tight ship, so beware"
The men willingly play into it in their songs fully admitting that they have no control over their lust. Justin Timberlake sings "Love Stoned" which says, "she's got me loved stoned, she's bad and I think that she knows.....she' might be coming home with me tonight" His songs like "Rock you body, Sexy Back, Senorita" His lyrics are full of that game. You give me your body, I'll give you this fake, toxic love to tie you over to the next "fix".
I think that this Rihanna/Chris Brown is totally sad. Even in Hollywood, with all that money/power/sex, she will still put up with physical abuse in her relatinships.
The male rappers are particularly bad, taking it to the next level. Degrading women, literally calling them vulgar names and saying they are only worth their bodies. Eminem, 50 cent, Dr. Dre rap about power, money, and getting high as a way of coping of the big gapping hole in their hearts.
Sadly, I'd have to say that last year, I was listening to all this crap. My hubby also went through a phase of empty music that lead us both down very dangerous and sinful paths. This music encourages infidelity, flirting and feeding a part of our flesh that doesn't need any extra watering. The part of us that should have been crucified with Christ!
I'm careful to pick my music now. It's interesting that there are some songs that sing of this "love story" that is truly meant to be a picture of God and his bride. It's so natural for us to sing of that love story of being pursued and having someone to trust and never let us down. I have many secular songs that sing of the love story that I worship to. You can very easily sing to God instead of a boyfriend or girlfriend. Untouched, by the Veronicas is a good example. No Air by Jordin Sparks is another good one.
I will rant more on this later. So many thoughts on this
13 comments:
Um, us brains? That seems a little harsh to me. Sarah's brain and heart are both beautiful and have a lot of good wisdom to share. And a lot of that knowledge has come from reflection over the source of their problems. I don't think there is any "one" factor that caused this, rather a whole host of problems and baggage that come into this marriage from them as individuals and were perpetuated as a couple. So while I can see the merits of some of your comments I think Sarah and Joe will not be able to move forward until they understand where they've been. And that requires their brains.
Morgan
you've got me thinking babe.
thank you.
Rene, first off, I would have to say that you have no idea what we've been through and don't know us enough to judge what our marital problems were caused by.
Second, I did not blame the music, but was talking about a hurting society and the ways that it copes with divorce.
I think it's cool that you've decided to comment on my post, but be careful to try to pin point OUR marital problems when you aren't that close to us.
Morgan-LOL...your awesome! Yes, it does require us to go through as God leads us into greater healing. And yes, the music did not HELP or ENCOURAGE unity in our marriage. But knowing that YOU DO KNOW and KNOW WELL what we've been through and where we've been, I take greater thought to your insight and wisdom.
Rene, people are spirits, not things to analyze. I love you bro...
Dear Rene,
Have you ever heard the phrase "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all?"
Sarah is open and kind enough to bare her feelings/thoughts on HER blog. She doesn't need people like you leaving crapadoodle comments on it. Save your psychology for yourself!
A blog reader who rarely comments!
Kari
wow, well, rene, you can judge how ever you want, it doesn't change what we are learning or where God is taking us. Echoed again, we are people, not text books.
Just as a side note, Joe came back home within 3 weeks and we are doing really well now. For those that haven't been following my blog regularly, God is making everything strong and is redeeming everything. What doesn't kill us DOES make us stronger!!
I am extremely thankful that we have made it through a very rough storm and becuase of God's redeeming power and the power or repentance and forgiveness on both ends....we are doing great!!
One a lighter note folks, don't take life too seriously because no one gets out alive anyway.
I just love your thoughts on this one Sarah. This issue is ruening us as a sociaty/culture/country because families are our building blocks. So I must preise you for fighting so vigorously for your marrage and taking the risks involved to shine this light through your blog. My admiration for you is continuing to grow. Prayers and blessings to you. Nel
Thank you Morgan, Kari and Carebear for proving a point.
That point being that despite Carebear's heartfelt wish that I comment on this blog I have as much to contribute to her posts as she does to mine. There is nothing I can say that can be considered appropriate or beneficial in her world.
Rene, I have to apologize for being so defensive. I'm sorry for being overly sensitive and reactive to your thoughts. I do value what you say, I think that something I need to realize is that the way you deliver your heart isn't the language that I use. Maybe it's a blue/pink thing (love and respect)
I did reread your comments a few times and did get the heart from it. But then my comment box filled with drama and you deleted your comments. I think that what you said was valid.
When it comes to the pain I went through and when it comes to caleb's death as well, I get very defensive. I think that morgan said it best. That you can't contribute a melt down of marriage to ONE thing, but many things.
You are right that Caleb's death did factor into our breakdown. In this post I was reflecting on how the world deals with divorce and separation and how Joe and I didn't guard ourselves on that particular battle front. So when you brought up caleb's death, it wasn't even on my mind...i was relecting elsewhere, not on caleb at the time, and so i was caught off guard.
ANyway, I'm sincerely sorry. Please, if you can, have freedom to express yourself on my blog, as I do value your heart in my world.
thank you,
all is good and with that there is no need for me to stay in "isolation"
dunno what i missed - but just wanna say that you have some AWESOME valid points! you're SO right about music affecting and influencing us beyond what we think.
i just love you and love your heart! and i love everything you have to say!
I have been there, I remember feeling like half my body was gone, I think I lost 25 pounds cause my body no longer desired food.
I am so proud of you two for sticking in there, I gave up after a year. Please continue to persevere day after day because the end result is worth it. Divorce is an aweful thing to walk through and so not worth it.
God has done amazing things in my life and still is but it has been almost 5 years now and there are things that still get to me. I hope you never have to walk through something like that. EVER.
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