Life without ED....or should I say Edith?

Right off the cuff----I appreciate all my support. Those that comment and those that don't. To my readers, I appreciate you. I know that you are there for me if I need, and there are those that consistently pray for me. God bless!

Joe picked me up a new book by recommendation of my eating disorder counselor. It's called "Life without Ed" ED stands for Eating Disorder. I am so encouraged! It's been very eye opening! It still baffles me that for so long I've had an obvious issue with food, but have never gone for help! I guess I thought that God was enough (which HE IS) But I've learned that IT"S OK TO ASK FOR HELP AND THAT DOESN"T MEAN YOU HAVE LESS FAITH!

This book was written by a woman who was "married to Ed" for most of her life. She has successfully divorced him now and is sharing her hope with others. She takes a different approach to dealing with the E.D. by giving it a name, a personality, a voice, and ultimately, SEPARATING HERSELF FROM WHO ED IS.

She asked in the first chapter whether your eating disorder was male or female. Hers was very much male. I knew right away that mine was female. It's a perfect 10 drop dead gorgeous woman that constantly tells me how I don't measure up and if I would only be like her, I would be happy. So, it was Joe's idea to name her Edith (cause she's ED....with 'death' at the end)

I'm starting to realize how much I have agreed with Edith. I have OWNED her thoughts, OWNED her ideas, her goals, her vision, her destruction, her lies, her condemnation.....I feel like I'm getting my power back by realizing that THAT"S NOT ME! I want to be healthy! My goals are NOT her goals! I'm starting to "disobey" her voice more and more. Not always. I still listen alot of the time. But I'm coming to peace with the fact that I've had 20+years of listening to a foreign voice, it will take time to learn what my thoughts are and what God's thought are for me.

Honestly....very honestly....it's not like i didn't know all this before. It was mostly all in "Christianeze" In Christian terms, which have become confusing to me, since they have been mixed with religion, and man's judgments. This is a fresh new tool for me that has been given to me, I believe by God, to use in such a time as this.

I am excited and scared to really pursue divorcing my eating disorder. Even though I haven't purged in over 2 years, I have realized that the voice didn't leave when I gave up purging. It just changed form, it changed shape and voice. Edith morphed her way into the gym with me, into restriction of calories and different thinking patterns. It was foolish of me to think that my eating disorder was gone when I stopped throwing up. I didn't understand it, but now, I think I"m beginning to get it.....
:)