50 pounds down, This is only the beginning....

God has done it.....
He has finished a part of the journey
He now has to take me into new parts of the promised land.
As God always does, we think we've arrived, and He again tells us we are only beginning!

As of today, I am my goal weight. I have lost a total of 50 pounds!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I told Joe this morning, and he said, it funny, cause it doesn't seem that you've made many lifestyle changes....
Hmmmm, We realized that it's taken me 10 months to get here and the change was so gradual that it didn't seem so drastic. Looking back to 10 months ago, my relationship with food was totally different. I still overeat sometimes, and have the very odd, occasional slip with throwing up, but God really has changed me!
10 months ago, I was a closet eater. 2/3rds of all I ate was done in secret. I ate in the middle of the night and as soon as I got up in the morning. I would eat before we would go out to eat. I would eat my "leftover's" when we got home. I thought about food or eating all the time. I would get grumpy if there was no food, or if I didn't get my "time alone" with my food. Family trips were especially hard for me, because I would be too embarrased to eat the amounts I usually do infront of everyone. I would lay in bed every night and repent to God of how food over takes me. I would dream of all I would do the next day to change my habits. But the next day was defeated immediatly by biting into chocolate, or cookie dough.
..........It affected my relationship with everyone! My spiritual condition spilled over to everyone around me. My husband suffered becuase I was depressed with myself. Our intamacy suffered becuase of my lack of confidence, energy, and preoccupation with my issues. My children suffered becuase when mom needed "time to herself" they just had to deal with it. I was always tired, always out of breath, and out of shape. My extra weight made my feet hurt, my legs and i had many headaches. I hated the thought of stairs, long walks or knowing I forgot something and had to go back and get it.
........ When I write about it, I can't believe that I lived like that! And it fills me with gratefulness that God saw me worth it to come and help me get out of that pit.
I was telling my friend the other day that I feel "normal" She laughed. I don't think she really understood what I meant. Becuase I had such an unormal life, I've always longed to see food as just that.....food. I've wanted to go to a buffet and just eat till I was satisfied. I would look at "normal people" (people that had a normal relationship with food) and wanted to be like them. But didn't know how to get there.
(This post is the contrast of where I was and where God has brought me. Please know that it was very many baby steps of obedience and MUCH GRACE that has gotten me here.)
But now, I feel yucky if I'm over full. I have 3 normal meals a day. I make wise choices. I have room in my brain for other things! I'm not tired all the time. I have energy! I can run up the stairs 2 at a time! I can play with my kids in the park. And our marriage really has gotten better! I am at peace with food. I am at peace with God and with others....(most of the time) Compared to before, I feel like the yoke of slavery really has been lifted off! So, becuase of this, I am free to serve, love, worship, and just be my silly ol me!

I have really been convicted that gluttony needs to be called what it is. We use other names like "bulemia" or "compulsive overeating" as terms for "eating disorders" when most of the time it really is just sin. When I use the word "bulemia" in my testimony, please know that I do not have an "eating disorder" as what the doctors would call it. I simply used to eat to the point where i'd feel sick and not want to reap the consequences of the calories. So by my choice, I would throw up the food. Over time, it became a habit and a stronghold. But it all started with a sin. I misplaced heart that should have belonged to God. I have a deep conviction that women are being decieved. They are being told that their eating habits are because they are victims. We are all responsible for our every action. No matter what our circumstance, we are still called to have no false gods and are held accountable by God if we do.

The fruit is endless. There is much more, but don't feel free to share all of it yet. Maybe if you get me for a coffee, I can share more revelations that God has shown me. This just scracthes the surface.
All because my God gave His son to die.....for me......can I be really free.....
Thank you Jesus!