believe

Acts 20:29

The work of God is this: To BELIEVE in the One He sent

Believe....what is the meaning? How does this apply? How do we walk out a life of faith and believing in the One He has sent?

Our pastor spoke on this on sunday, which has echoed what God and I have been working through...
I looked up the word believe in the dictionary and it says this:
-to have confidence in the truth, the existence, or the reliability of something, although without absolute proof that one is right in doing so:

-Only if one believes in something can one act purposefully.

I SO BADLY want to walk this, model this!! I desire for my Father to see I believe Him, believe IN Him....but sadly, my actions continue to model otherwise.
It seems this root is deep and very hard to uproot. My doubt...

again.....I have to BELIEVE that He will complete the work He started
I have to BELIEVE that He is doing a new thing, springing life up from the desert
I have to BELIEVE that He that is in me is greater than he that is in the world
BELIEVE that I will do even greater things than Jesus!
That I have the way, the truth and the life......IN ME!!!

I need to BELIEVE that if I persevere, I will bear fruit.
We sang a song on Sunday, "For the work that God is doing within me, that I cannot see.....AMEN"

Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we cannot see.

Joe and I talked a bit today about how I'm doing,
I have 4 kids, and I continue to struggle with feeling inadequate, like I can't keep my head above water, like I'm failing. I run to him, I am calling to Him and I know he's there. I couldn't imagine going through this feeling disconnected from Him. I know and BELIEVE that He is there for me, no matter where I'm at, or how bad I'm doing. I cry out for His grace, His power....I don't know how many times I've said, "I can't do this, you need to help me!! God I know you can help me, give me your heart, your patience, wisdom, grace to get through this" It just seems like I'm going from moment to moment crying all the time!!! Does this get any easier? Is my faith and belief actually growing? Am I really getting stronger???
I would have to say, that I don't feel like I am.
I feel like I'm spinning my wheels.
Is there something I am missing?
Being a stay at home homeschooling mom is so hard right now.
Faith whines alot these days
baby wants to eat
isaiah's papers and markers and scissors all over and Noah being Noah!!

At the kid's piano recital last night, Noah was bouncing off the walls (of course the large strawberry milkshake that my mom bought him last night didn't help!)
and he got an envelope of money as a reward for practicing (which wasn't much) and he complained about it. so out of overwhelmingness, and frustration, I took his quarter away.
my sis laughed at me, rightfully so. It wasn't helping the situation. I just get so drained.


Any wisdom? encouragement? Prayers?