something old, something new

here are a few pics that Joe got put on to disk when we were first together, 10 years ago.


Here we are at WEM. Our first vacation.
My crazy self....sanguine of course
Pregnant with Caleb, on our first christmas
Me, 2 weeks before he was born.....now there's a house!!!!!!
Daddy sleeping with Caleb....he was so small. and now he's so BIG!
Hey dude!
Me and baby
Ninette at age 13!
Joe and I in our first Duplex. Wedge road. That couch behind us had beetles in it once!!!

Back when we could carry Caleb around! My hair was so long!
that's it for now

I screwed up, but God lifts me up!

Yesterday,........i threw up.......sigh, blush, (hang head.....)
Today I woke up and didn't shake it off. I started off the day with eating 3 croissants loaded with jam and felt like crap. Tempted to get rid of it again, I decided that I'm not going down a road that takes me to death. I made a bad choice for breakfast, and I'll have to live with those choices.
As the day has gone on, I have chosen not to turn to the One who can save me.
Don't you hate that! When your in desperate need for Him and you run away!!!

Dependance dependance dependance
Why do we so badly want independance? When all that gives us is a mess?
How did I get here? Our pastor's wife said once, "you walked there."
But really, I haven't spent time in the word for over a week, I haven't soaked in His presence.
What's really happening is I"M STARVING!
Spiritually, i am starving. So, to survive, I'm running to what I used to run to to make me feel better....food.
Note to self: I'm not starving physically....so do not eat food
I'm starving spiritually....so eat the word.....

Why am I doing this? Why did I loose all this weight? Why have a chosen to walk this way in relationship to food?

To show His glory through me
To Obey Him
Inwardly I am renewing myself, not outwardly
To take care of the temple He lives in (being a good steward of what he's given me)
To be an imitator of Him
To make a stand against gluttony and all the crap that comes with it!
To set an example to those walking around me
To show that through Him ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE
To show God that I trust him

I am not doing it .....

To get skinny
To be competitve
To be boastful
To look like a cover on a magazine
To be a size....6
To be a stuck up snobby skinny person LOL

Father, you are the lord, who has made all things. You alone stretched out the heavens and spread the earth. You've performed many wonders. The things You planned for us, no one can recount. They are too numerous to count.

I rememeber today that God loves me just the way I am. My worth isn't based on my dress size or phyiscal appearance. It's based solely on the fact that God loves my unconditionally. He simply loves me with a never-ending, wide as the universe love.

That is me today. I'm am hungry for some real food now
I'm am a little weary from walking in sin at the moment, but God is faithful and just to cleanse me from all unreighteousness, when I TURN TURN TURN from my sin and to Him. ANd that's what I'm doing right now.
Blessings

Weighing In

My faithful friends have started this blog quite a while ago. It is called, "weighing in". It is a group of girls that are on the journey to freedom in their eating habits. They asked me to join a while ago, but I guess it wasn't God's timing yet. I am now posting on this blog along with Crystal, Tanya and andrea.
You are free to come and encourage, join and be a part of our journey.
I am honored to have a place to honor God with these sisters and I pray it will bring glory to His name!
Blessings

50 pounds down, This is only the beginning....

God has done it.....
He has finished a part of the journey
He now has to take me into new parts of the promised land.
As God always does, we think we've arrived, and He again tells us we are only beginning!

As of today, I am my goal weight. I have lost a total of 50 pounds!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I told Joe this morning, and he said, it funny, cause it doesn't seem that you've made many lifestyle changes....
Hmmmm, We realized that it's taken me 10 months to get here and the change was so gradual that it didn't seem so drastic. Looking back to 10 months ago, my relationship with food was totally different. I still overeat sometimes, and have the very odd, occasional slip with throwing up, but God really has changed me!
10 months ago, I was a closet eater. 2/3rds of all I ate was done in secret. I ate in the middle of the night and as soon as I got up in the morning. I would eat before we would go out to eat. I would eat my "leftover's" when we got home. I thought about food or eating all the time. I would get grumpy if there was no food, or if I didn't get my "time alone" with my food. Family trips were especially hard for me, because I would be too embarrased to eat the amounts I usually do infront of everyone. I would lay in bed every night and repent to God of how food over takes me. I would dream of all I would do the next day to change my habits. But the next day was defeated immediatly by biting into chocolate, or cookie dough.
..........It affected my relationship with everyone! My spiritual condition spilled over to everyone around me. My husband suffered becuase I was depressed with myself. Our intamacy suffered becuase of my lack of confidence, energy, and preoccupation with my issues. My children suffered becuase when mom needed "time to herself" they just had to deal with it. I was always tired, always out of breath, and out of shape. My extra weight made my feet hurt, my legs and i had many headaches. I hated the thought of stairs, long walks or knowing I forgot something and had to go back and get it.
........ When I write about it, I can't believe that I lived like that! And it fills me with gratefulness that God saw me worth it to come and help me get out of that pit.
I was telling my friend the other day that I feel "normal" She laughed. I don't think she really understood what I meant. Becuase I had such an unormal life, I've always longed to see food as just that.....food. I've wanted to go to a buffet and just eat till I was satisfied. I would look at "normal people" (people that had a normal relationship with food) and wanted to be like them. But didn't know how to get there.
(This post is the contrast of where I was and where God has brought me. Please know that it was very many baby steps of obedience and MUCH GRACE that has gotten me here.)
But now, I feel yucky if I'm over full. I have 3 normal meals a day. I make wise choices. I have room in my brain for other things! I'm not tired all the time. I have energy! I can run up the stairs 2 at a time! I can play with my kids in the park. And our marriage really has gotten better! I am at peace with food. I am at peace with God and with others....(most of the time) Compared to before, I feel like the yoke of slavery really has been lifted off! So, becuase of this, I am free to serve, love, worship, and just be my silly ol me!

I have really been convicted that gluttony needs to be called what it is. We use other names like "bulemia" or "compulsive overeating" as terms for "eating disorders" when most of the time it really is just sin. When I use the word "bulemia" in my testimony, please know that I do not have an "eating disorder" as what the doctors would call it. I simply used to eat to the point where i'd feel sick and not want to reap the consequences of the calories. So by my choice, I would throw up the food. Over time, it became a habit and a stronghold. But it all started with a sin. I misplaced heart that should have belonged to God. I have a deep conviction that women are being decieved. They are being told that their eating habits are because they are victims. We are all responsible for our every action. No matter what our circumstance, we are still called to have no false gods and are held accountable by God if we do.

The fruit is endless. There is much more, but don't feel free to share all of it yet. Maybe if you get me for a coffee, I can share more revelations that God has shown me. This just scracthes the surface.
All because my God gave His son to die.....for me......can I be really free.....
Thank you Jesus!

Women are called to respect their man....and that's what I want to do!

We just finished a class at our church on love and respect. Many marriages were blessed and challenged with this obvious, yet totally missed teaching out of the Word of God!

Our lives have been forever changed!
I have completely removed myself from my husbands authority. I really have been working hard at trying to submit to him and allow him to grow and lead, but there was just one thing from preventing that.....ME!!!!
God revealed huge things to me this weekend. As I poured out my fears, hurts and pains to him, he showed me really were my heart was........in sin......
Everytime I walked in fear in my marriage, I was blatently saying that God was not trustworthy, not faithful, and not worthy to be worshipped! In my brokeness, I repentented to Him and to my husband. Through this act of God, I have been freed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have a spiritually felt a HUGE weight lifted off my shoulders! I have been freed to truly be Joe's helper and not his guide. I have fallen into a deeper respect for him as I see how awesome God has made him.
I feel so good to say that I no longer have to hold Joe accountable....that's God's job! And God will do it well!!! I feel so good to say that I don't have to keep close watch on Joe's hobbies, I no longer have to make sure Joe has "guardrails" on his walk with Christ!! (Man, I never want to do that again! and if I do....I will know that I is MY SIN and not his!)
I feel so good to know that I'm only responsible for myself!
Joe is an amazing man! I absoulutly shouldn't have been scared in the first place! I trust Joe to lead us well, to be human, but to lead us well. I trust the GOD THAT LEADS HIM!
I know now that when Joe makes a mistake, I will be more free to help him now, then condemn and shame him.
I have let go of ALL expectations, ALL MY plans, and will let God finally do what He' s died to do all along ( pun intented!)

I want to share with you a piece of fruit:

Last night, Joe got a shipment in of a radio control car that he ordered online. Normally in the past I would have totally resented the car and have grumbled just enough to let him know I was not impressed. And I had a new heart! I went outside and watched him drive it around and had a really good time.
After wards, Joe said, "you know, the only time you've ever come out to watch me is when we've had company"
That really spoke to me....alot of things.....
I have missed out on so much of my husbands life, all because of fear.....but I am thankful that God reedems the years we mess up...


There is so much more, But that is the heart of what has happened. Thanks for listening.

oh me gosh

Please pray for us....

The Waldherr's have been sick with the flu for a week. I am feeling like crap now for the 4th day. Fluish.....yuck...

We need healing here....