i hope caleb is eating cake and icecream!

Up before everyone else. The toilet called me, since last night, I ate Saskatoon Asian food and my buiscuits are burnin. my friend is coming to take me out for breakfast. I'm looking forward to it. Since Caleb has been in hospital, I once again have fallen off the food wagon. I'm sure alot of you are thinking that it's not important right now to worry about that. But in my case, eating for emotional comfort and using food as a drug is very distructive. I know that it will only make things worse. I still feel called to walk in all circumstances. During the crisis of it all, I didn't worry about it. But I just feel a little nudge to take care of me.

This week has been up and down. Monday and Tuesday were brutal. I thought I was going to go into depression...which scared me, cause I've been there and it's not fun. But I'm pressing through, trying to think of all the good things about this. Walking with the Lord and with Joe. It's hard when he's at work.

I've had several moments this week where i've wanted to just sit and cry, there were a couple of times that I decided I was just going to sit in Caleb's room and cry for a while. Of course, Faith had to join me, sit on my lap and kiss me through it all. But I always find that when I just want to sit and cry and grieve, life goes on and calls me all too quickly. THe phone rings. The doorbell goes, the kids need something. Time to go somewhere........better dry those tears and carry on.....
There is such a hole in my heart where Caleb was. Such an emptiness....I miss him.....

I can't really think of what else to say
Joe is amazing! We had our `10th anniversary on the 9th of november. we knew it would be a different year, but had no idea it would be this for our family. Something that i've already shared with him is that I'm so glad that we are foundationally at a place to "just BE" with eachother. no more striving, trying to talk, trying to be close....we just are. It flows naturally. we are just so much in love. I thank God for this, he is really carrying us through.
God is still good, he is still just and he is still worthy to be worshipped.
I feel that with all my being
signing off