My emotions are all over the place. One minute I'm so happy and the next, I'm overwhelmed and want to cry. I'm pretty good at knowing my hormones and letting Joe know how I'm doing. I give him the head's up when I'm feeling unstable. I say, "Joe, I'm probably going to cry for no reason today...." and I'm usually right. I have my cry and I go on. It's part of being an woman.
But I've been struggling since the baby. Joe says that my good days are more and my sad days are getting less, but I miss myself. The lack of sleep isn't helping. Elishah eats every 2 hours in the day and 3 at night. I've never had a baby eat so much. So when I DO have energy, I have to sit and feed and not get anything done around the house.
I'm really wrestling with stupid thoughts too. I feel like I'm not a good parent. Since Elishah, I've been so tired that I haven't spent any real quality time with the others. I feel real bad for that. They aren't doing school (even though I knew that they wouldn't be before baby came) I still feel yucky. I like order in my home. stucture. a plan, a schedule. All of us to so much better with order. Now the kids don't know what to do with their time, so they tend to get into more trouble. they make more messes and clean up less since there's no routine.
Today, I got up feeling positive. I want to have a good day. Of course that's what I want everyday. Caleb is always in the back of my heart and mind. This grieving thing is hard. especially when your running around with your head cut off.
I've come along way over the years with making sure that my emotions don't run my life. cause they certainly used to. Feelings always change and that's why you need to stand on facts in these times....I'm trying to find a balance between:
Recongnizing the feelings and what my body is doing and rolling with the punches of post partum
and commanding my soul to submit to what I tell it. Which is to walk in the fruit of the spirit.
I know that thankfulness is a choice
joy is a choice
respect is a choice
to follow God is a choice....
Please pray for me that I can level out and get back on my feet.
If any of you have some victorious baby blues stories, please share them. (where you had baby blues and came out of it alive!! lol)
14 comments:
Oh Sarah...I do understand horrible baby blues...I went through a major bought with depression after Cassandra was born.....I felt so inadequate....I had two kids under 2 and I just felt like my life sucked....I never wanted kids so that added to my depression....but God is faithful...He brought me through and he will do the same for you! You are grieving to so don't be to hard on yourself...I am praying for you my friend....call me if you need to..
Blessings
By the way....you have a beautiful baby....what a doll!
Through all the changes of life God remains the same, the never changing God of love, mercy and understanding. I have no idea why God created our hormones to go WILD after having a baby, but I know that He made us this way. To draw us nearer to Him, to draw us nearer to our husbands, to release more of our control and plans..... This is a season, that will pass very quickly. God has made EVERYTHING beautiful in it's time, that means that He thinks your house, your kids, your family, your adjusting, your new roles, is BEAUTIFUL! Rest in that, rest in His arms, rest in knowing that He is taking care of Noah Isaiah and Faith. He is building into them when you're not looking, He is speaking to them when you're busy. He's growing their relationships with one another, and building into their foundations as brothers and sisters. You're doing amazing!!!
I keep thinking, wow, I was a wreck!!! You have been through so much in the last year, so much change.... you need to look at the bigger picture and remember that you are doing amazing, and that you're walk has been so encouraging to others, even though you're feeling rough, He is still moving in you. I love you so much, and am here for whatever. Caleb always hangs out in the back of my heart and mind too.... He still remains a constant in our family. Love you,
Awww Sarah! This post sounds like it was written by me. I am dealing with the same emotions right now and the lack of sleep doesn't help the situation! Olivia is eating every 3 hours in the day and every 2 at night. I keep reminding myself that it only lasts a short time and then she will be sleeping through the night!(I hope!)But the bad days can sure send me into a tail spin. It can be hard to just "snap out of it" some days. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. When you are nursing at 2am just picture me nursing at 2am! Haha! You will get through this! You are so strong! I can't say I would be able to deal with everything that you have this year! I am praying for you!
I had major baby blues with my second son. Basically I just shut down and did the minimal to care for myself, and my 2 boys.
My husband took care of us. I've only realized this past year that God is who carried us through those difficult times.
I think blogging is great for releasing your emotions. Especially with the kind of year you have had. As I have said many times you are an inspiration to many with your absolute faith.
Thinking and praying for you. Thank you for your honesty.
Remember you're not alone. Exercise works wonders for making a person feel better.
Take care!
Oh Sarah! I hope things will get better for you soon! I totally know about the feelings of just crying for no reason......I can do this when I am pregnant, after I have a baby, or just out of the blue sometimes, too!
At least what you are feeling is normal! Especially for what you have been through!
I think you sister wrote something so beautiful to you in her comment! Just remember God is constant.....and always listening! He will hold you, he will guide you, and he will help you through this. At least out of anyone, he understands us the most!
Thinking of you!!
And praying for you!!
Hello sweet Sarah, As you know I don't have any children, but I do have an amazing God. He said that if you ask Him for wisdom he will give it to you. He also says that you are pretty amazing and that he is really glad that you are taking care of the special gifts he has given you. He also said that you can depend on Him for your strength and that He is in control. He also wants you to know that He is not dismayed at your circumstances, but he knew them before you even walk on this earth. So my dear sweet Sarah even though I cannot be there with you in person know that my buddy Holy Spirit is with you and He will do for you more than you can ask or imagine. Do not lose heart my sister for He is holing you safe in his arms.
I remember feeling overwhelmed after bringing home Dominique. Ivan would get into stuff every time I sat down to nurse and I thought- what have we gotten ourselves into! One thing my doctor said that helped was that everyday will get better (he was talking about the pain- but I think it applies to a lot of areas, including grieving- not that every single day is better, but that time heals).
Lord, send your Holy Spirit to help Sarah mourn and joy, let loose of those things that don't matter and relax and let you help control her life, heart, mind and help her parent her children.
You are not alone. Others have walked the path you are on. I just read about a woman who homeschools her 11 children! Pausing for a birth and recovery time is more education than what can be found in books. Gazing in those big baby eyes is a little slice of heaven. May heaven come down and shine it's face on you and yours.
thank you so much allof you for your love compassion and prayers. i can't say enough of how much i appreciate you all for walking this wih me...
you are all in my heart as well...
Love you all
hey I posted...you may want to check it out...maybe you'll have some encouraging news for me. the last couple of days have been really rough
I can't say I know much about pregnancy other then its around 9 months and lots of pain, so instead I will just say that you will be in prayers.
Sarah,
I've been following your blog for a few months now. Your daughter is beautiful. All your kids are beautiful actually! I am amazed at how much they look like you! Know that you are in my prayers. God will carry you through!
I tried inserting a link but it was bad. Here we try again.
This is about the mommy blues.
Good Moms
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