I miss my son today. I miss his smile, his scream, his little stinky hands.
I am sad that he hasn't met little Elishah. I am sad that they haven't shared any moments together.
As I looked through all the pictures of Caleb (the slide show that we showed at his funeral) I wept and wept, just to spend one more moment with him. just to jiggle him once more, one more cuddle, smell his stinky sewer breath....(family members would know what I'm talking about ;))
When Caleb was a baby, he was so happy, and loud. It brought back the feelings of that season. the love, the joy, the uniquness of loving caleb....I was filled with so much grief, sadness. just wanting him here, so that we could share our lives together, so he could be with us, part of our family.....
but honestly, as i got to the end of the slide show, I realized that Caleb needed to go home. The slide show was arranged in order from birth to 9 years. So I could see him get more and more tired. The pictures of him at the last few christmas's, he was so tired and almost sad. It was interesting to see how my heart went from sadness and pain and really wishing he were here...to having a peace that it really was his time and it was what was best for him. My tears kept coming, but changed the reason they were flowing.
from missing him, to being thankful. I could see the pain in his eyes, on his face.
I still miss him of course, but God reassured me that it was his time.
these are my thoughts today.
9 comments:
Just remember Caleb will be with you all the time. When you start to miss him look in your heart and remember the special moments that you shared with him.
Thinking of you!!
BTW, I had to go private...email me
sjstrom@telus.net and I'll add you as a reader.
Thankful again for what you've shared.
what an amazing thing to say!
I am so amazed at this road God has you on.....I am blessed by your honesty. Thanks for sharing
Blessings
:::kim:::
Hello!! i enjoyed your post!!
i just read your hubbys blog..and i wonder by chance if my hubby was the lucky one to hook you guys up with shaw phone and cable and internet?? i highly doubt it since there are so many shaw employee's but you never know:).. if you have any troubles let me know i will send Chris over. Anytime...serious!! :)
hey sweetie,
what complete honesty. i really do not even know how hard it was for you to share that, but i thank you for your willingness to walk it out.
{ranya}
I'm still amazed by what God was speaking to us today....how He knew this season was coming, and how He prepared us with tools and grace to walk it out, even before we knew what those tools were really for!
I have no idea what I would do without you....I love having you in my life, I love how ready and eager you are to be there for me.
I AM HERE
Yes....Mr. Caleb's stinky sewer breath....who would've thought someone would miss that. But we do....
When I was doing his colage, it was really good to see all those "before" pictures. When he was happy, full of smiles and laughs.....it was good to remember those moments, they seemed so far away near the end. Still feels weird to say...."near the end"....
He has a special place in our hearts forever. May his life not be in vain.
thinking of you...and saying a prayer for you today...
Post a Comment