Care Bear

what a road.
what a journey
It's hard to believe where we've been in the last year.....

Now that the last "huge event" has passed, Joe and I have finally taken our first deep breath....
Today we've realized more than ever how much we need a break, a breather, a time to rest, a time to process, and time to be together....

After Caleb passed away, we still needed to
- get ready for a baby
-we still needed to finish the basement
-we still needed to catch up on our school work in our homeschool
-Joe still needed to go to a highly stressful job and come home to more chores.

Yesterday was 4 months since Caleb's death. And instead of being "almost done" our grieving, we find we now have some breathing room to begin. More so Joe than I. It must be hard being a man. A godly man. Joe has been more than enough for our family, providing for us, supporting us.....

Elishah is amazing. The family God has blessed me with is so amazing. Last night, I set the table for 5 people. Joe, me, Noah, Isaiah and Faith. I realized that in just a few months, Elishah will be joining us as well. I was filled with joy and thankfulness at the beauty of my family and then a second later, filled with sadness that my first born is not here to grow with us, to eat with us...
Elishah is such a bitter sweet. Mostly sweet of course.
Do you all know how she came to be???

Yes, I know....sex, that's how most of them come to be.... LOL

But A night in June 2006, Joe was already sleeping. God asked me to trust him and be with Joe. Of course, we weren't planning any children at the time, we weren't "trying" at the time and taking the necessary precautions to prevent children. But God said to me, "trust me"
TRUST ME, Do this without fear.
I wrestled with God for a good 10 minutes while Joe snored away. Bringing myself to a place of peace, I woke Joe up to be with him. He was a little shocked when I told him no protection, but I explained to him that it was a "God thing".
I cried after, knowing that I had been given life. Not out of fear, but joy and anticipation.

We found out we were pregnant so early, because of course, I already knew. I wasn't surprised.
My thoughts:
"5 kids.....wow. Thank you God." Joe and I embraced Elishah's pregnancy with much joy, knowing that God would be faithful.
Now that the year has unfolded. When little Elishah was 5 months old in my womb, My oldest son went to heaven. I held on to Caleb's hand as he died and felt life within my womb at the same time. Our God is to big and great for words. His ways are too lofty for us to understand. When I think that God planned Elishah to come for such a time as this, I am in awe at who He is.

These are my thoughts today.
Quote for the day:
Joy comes out of the abundance of a thankful heart