Well, I have pretty much fallen flat on my face this week! I am covered in muck, and even sulking in it. After you have chosen sin willfully, you get clouded, confused, and open to all kinds of enemy's attack. I really need prayer and encouragement. It's so crazy that last week looked like light to dark of this one.....(sigh)
God's word has been floating around my head today. I was talking to my sister about sin and repentance yesterday. Unless you know the grossness of your sin and the death it brings with NO EXCUSE, MINIMIZING, MAKING LIGHT OF..etc, you will never turn. You will never experience the Godly sorrow that leads to repentance and leaves no regret.
The other truth is that if you confess your sin, He is faithful to forgive and
cleanse you from all unrighteousness. The pressure is on me now. I've revealed myself, my struggles to all my family. I've made declarations along the way and have lost 30 pounds. I really have thrown myself off the cliff into the arms of my father. But it last week what started with a slip, turned into another bad choice, then another. I am trying to climb up the side of the cliff hoping to sneek a peek at the land of Eygpt where I came from. The snowball effect of bad choices has landed me here and I need help. I know that spiritual family is there not to condemn but to build and lift up. Please pray that I can drop the chains that I myself have been trying to tie back to my feet and walk free. It's not a big process, it's just one choice followed by actions. Jesus died ONCE FOR ALL. I know the truth. I have no excuse. I feel sick to my stomach that it only takes choice after choice to return to your vomit.I wrote a post about little by little, right choice after right choice gets you where you need to go. Same goes for the other way. I have believed the lie that I'm a failure and I might as well give up. I've believed the lie that "I've made it far enough, I don't have to go all the way...."
I need strength to get up....
I need His grace to face myself, and those around me.
I believe that God will get glory at the end of all this, maybe not right now, but soon.
I need faith that I can do this....to the end....no matter the cost.
signing off. I am hoping next post will be better. But I had to be honest. I have to stay honest. David said, against you and you alone have I sinned oh Lord.
That's where I am right now.
Shalom
4 comments:
When Peter looked down at the water, Jesus did not respond with contempt. He looked Peter in the eye and gently asked, why did you doubt? He picked him up and gently placed him back in the boat, to rest and recover until he was ready for another round. You have not failed, you have only looked down. You don't get a big fat "F", you get a first hand personal lift from the Son of the living God, who will carry you to your next place of testing. It's not about your perfection, it's about your direction. Know where you're headed and claim it. Your testimony is bigger than you know, through the times of victory and joy, as well as through the times of struggle and muck. Be encouraged, you are loved.
You have the faith, courage, strength and honesty to conquer all fears and sins. Best of luck with your battle. Thank you for your honesty.
Hey You, Man do I understand where you are at, in more ways than you could know. The pain of letting God down is so much more than any one person in this world even judging you. Thankfully God does not beat us up when we are down, but gently and lovingly helps us up back onto our feet. We just gotta be willing to go on. I heard someone say once, that the only difference between a winner and a loser, is that the winner got up off the ground once more than the loser did. I know you are a winner. You are tenacious with yourself. Allow yourself mercy. His Grace is there the minute you stand up, and his judgement falls with your repentence. Walk tall in who He says you are. Walking is putting one foot in front of the other. Walk tall. You are not Satan's anymore, you are the daughter of a king.
"I need faith that I can do this....to the end....no matter the cost." Keep that attitude and you will cross the finish line. He has promised. Bless Ya -Moose
Thank you soo sincerely for your love and words of encouragement. By you guys stepping out in faith and saying what you did, gave me hope and reassures me that you are on my side. Thanks moose, nin and jen. And to the rest of my family, you are truly treasures!!! Treasures I could never live without. SO that you know, I am here for you no matter what. We're in it for the long haul!
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