I am sick of blogging, but not really. i want to go out with friends, but kinda not.
I am excited for christmas, but totally not.
I am totally confused, but sometimes think i have it all together
I care what people think of me. i could give two shits what people are thinking....
I am angry, sad, happy, confused, depressed, excited, numb, annoyed, hyper, all at the same time. I don't really know what else to say. I feel like people think i should just move on. talk about seomthing else. "it's been a whole month you know!...." I wonder what's really in people's hearts. there's this girl at homecare, she took care of Caleb for about 2 years on and off. she's apparently going around homecare saying that "I knew Caleb was sick....I tried to tell her, but I guess she didn't listen to me"........What is her problem anyway, how could she be so shallow? that she would stick such a blame on me to make herself feel better?
I really should n't care....but i do. i wonder how many people think i could have done better, paid more attention.....
14 comments:
sweet sarah, it doesn't matter what people think. forgive those that don't know what to say, or those that say the wrong thing, or those that don't understand. forgive them so that you can rest in God. a month is not very long.
It amazes me time & time again how people can be so super insensitive and hurtful to fellow human beings. I wish you didn't have to go through this...it is SO incredibly hard to not think about what others are thinking of us. I have to remind myself often that God is the only one who knows my heart & mind...He is the only one who sees it all. Other people don't know the "whole story" when they look at us, talk about us or judge us. Its just not fair sometimes.
I am praying for you Sarah. You have the right to feel however it is you are feeling at the moment. You are an incredible woman of God and have blessed me many times as I have read your blog.
I can't believe someone would be so insensitive, you are a great mother and there is nothing you could have done to change what happened. I wish I could just do something to help you feel better...if you are ever in need of just getting out on one of those rare moments when you feel like it call me.
Love ya
Princess Warrior said...
Sarah you are one of the most fantastic moms I know. You were the perfect mom to Caleb. God wouldn't have given him to you if he knew that you were not the right mom. Caleb was God's gift to you. His gift to bring you eternal life and abundant life. As for people who think you should just go on with life. What can I say we're dorks and selfish sometimes. We forget how long or how short time is. I would fall into the I forget how little time has passed since your sweet baby went to be with his loving Saviour. We don't know what to say. We weren't built to grieve. You are where you are. I'll make you a deal if in four years I haven't seen you I will begin to worry. I am just being silly so that you know you get to have the time you need. Our lives have gone on and we forget that yours has been tossed on the waves of grief and loss. But I know the Creator of those waves and he says He loves you and I need not worry about you, your sister or mama and papa, but that He has you safe in His arms.
I am sorry I missed you on Sunday. If you want company I would love to come and just be at your house. No talking or anything, just to be with you and be your sister. I love you Dunlop sisters, big hugs to you and Nin:)
i don't see you like that at all.. i just see a wonderful mom who is being real and true and honest. i love they way you mothered Caleb and showed him respect and lots of love.
we are for you!!! we are not thinking weird thoughts of you! and take all the time you need....
Am right where you are...
Wrote the first half of an angry song one day, then came back to finish it the next day and realized, I'm not angry today, I'm happy. Like that song on the Wedding Singer that he wrote for Linda....yeah....
I was around you more often than any of these people, more often than even homecare, even more often than your hubby durring that season of him working craaazy hours.....I know the kind of mom you were to Caleb....take it from someone who knows, you were amazing.
Sarah, You are an awesome mom to ALL your children. And people will say whay they say. Do not listen to it. If it was someone you truely loved and respected then worry about it but this person do not worry about it.
And as worship warrior said, if after 4 years you are still not functioning, then it will be intervention time. Right now, be ok in survival mode. Remember God is in control, it might not feel like it, but he is totally in control.
Unfortunately...its takes all kinds of people to make this world go round...even ones who don't speak the truth just to make someone else look bad to make themselves look good.
But you have every right to feel the way that you do. Its ONLY been a month! Its going to take many months, maybe even years to go through the grieving process. How some people can be so uncompassionate is beyond me.
I hope and pray that today is a good day for you Sarah. But if not, know that God is right there beside you. He understands your pain, even if the rest of the world doesn't.
Take care my friend!
I've heard it over and over again, when I lost my baby. That I should move on already. Take your time, everyone handles pain different and only you know, when it's time to move on. Praying for you and your family
in my book, it was saying that people that have had miscarriages go through the same depth of grief as anyone else and that there is not the support needed for those with miscarriages as there should be. was it a miscarriage?
It's only been a month Sarah and eventhough I haven't been through this, it seems like only a short time. Take as much time as you need.
As for the insensitivity of that girl...her time will come. Someday she will realize her inconsideration. Eventhough I personally don't know you, you seem like a wonderful mother. You did nothing wrong!
Thinking of you my blogger pal.
I had two miscarriages. I don't know if I could compare the two...losing a child outside the womb compared to one inside, because I have only experienced the one. But I did go through alot of grief...and at the time, no one could relate, I didn't know anyone who had had one, I felt very alone...and like you, people told me to just get over it. I hated that. I had seen the heartbeat with the one, I had seen that baby after I "delivered" it, it had everything, eyes, arms, legs, everything! You don't just "get over" that.
Everyone grieves differently...some have a short grief period, some have longer...but I don't think that anyone ever really "gets over" anything...if we did, how could we ever remember the loved one that was lost. We just learn to move on, thats all.
Take as long as you need. We're here to listen if you need to vent!
Yes we lost it at week 14, even though it had died weeks before that, and my body just didn't recognize that I "wasn't" pregnant any more. It was a big shock!
Still praying for you!
Post a Comment