Prayer

Our church has a program this summer called kids summer church. We were asked as a body participate in a choice of many areas. You could serve in the snack department or help be a puppeteer or join a prayer team. I asked God which one He would have me join. I was led to the prayer team. It seemed like a great idea! I'm going to join the prayer team and surround myself with wise, old, prayer warriors and learn from them!! I know that I need to grow in my prayer life, what better way than to sit beside those that have been doing it for years and years!

Haha...the joke's on me....

I approached the leader of kids church and told her I was interested in the prayer team. She said, "Since no one else has come forward, would you be interested in leading the prayer team?"

...Not what I had in mind....

But 4 weeks into our little group, my world is being turned upside down... Prayer....
You need to be courageous person to pray

I feel wounded from battle. Having a severely disabled son for nearly 10 years has taken it's toll on my prayer life, my faith and my endurance.
It's ironic, that God has led me down this path of running. He is showing me alot about perseverance and running the race. Now he has asked me to open my heart to Him once again in prayer.

I pray....I pray about myself, about how I can change...It's easy to pray about yourself, but to pray to move mountains in other's lives is something else. To pray to see a nation born again and revived for God's glory is way out of my ball park! I prayed for Caleb's healing for 10 years. I prayed with faith, I prayed without faith. I tried the "pray everyday like the old widow beggar" I tried fasting (although could never do it) Caleb was never healed. If God is going to do what he's going to do anyway....why pray????? If He is all soveriegn, all powerful and all knowing, why pray? What would our prayers do to change anything???? How could someone as small as me make a difference? And here's another big question.....Aren't we supposed to pray HIS WILL???What if we don't know His will???? To pray for healing for someone...what if they aren't supposed to live?????

Only in chapter 4 of "Intercessory Prayer" God is unravelling lies rooted deep in my mind about prayer. He is jackhammering a poor foundation of mistrust, lack faith and courage. It's been painful, yet exciting. Extremely challenging, and scary....

I came to the conclusion that God didn't need us. This phrase can be a play on words. Many people could debate this sentence forever. What I think I'm learning is that God WANTS US. He set it up so that we could be friends, partners, so that He would flow through this earth through our prayers. We were not designed for production, but distrubution. He delights in moving through us. He does NOT want to move APART from us. He wants to be co laborers with us.

This is mind warping! The God of the universe, that is holy and self sustaining.....WANTS US SO BAD that He SET IT UP so that He would not work, move or love apart from us!!

I've realized that the pink paragraph above was a comfortable place. There's no responsibility, no mission, no real purpose. But that isn't God's plan. We DO have a responsibility, a mission and purpose....TO PRAY.

I can quote many scriptures on prayer in the word. I've known in my head what the word says on prayer. that as believers, we do need to pray. The word is very clear that prayer is extremely important. But head knowledge and heart knowledge is a huge bridge that needs to come together! My circumstance in life wounded me. Experience showed me something else.
But the word of God is superior to all things!! EVEN MY EXPERIENCE! it is perfect and flawless (psalms) So that means that I did not walk according to His word. That means that the conclusions I made through my experience were wrong because they did not line up with God's word. His word is final. We need to walk out His words THROUGH FAITH, AND NOT BY SIGHT> In Caleb's case, I focused on what was seen, and that is not the definition of faith. Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we cannot see. What life "showed" me was not accurate!!


THere's much much more in my heart. I'm trying to summarize this without typing a book. But this is the journey i'm on. God is faithful. I know He is near. I am thankful for His peace and promise that He will never leave me alone.