Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Where have I been, where am I going?

My auntie Stella told me this beautiful saying

Yesterday is history
tomorrow is a mystery
today is a gift....that's why they call it the present

I've been really struggling in everyday routine. God has been sheding some light on the whole thing in the last couple of weeks.
#1. Depression is the fruit of disobedience. I have been wrestling a bit of that, knowing that there are certain things that God is asking me to do, but I am not obeying. That's the first thing that I need to repent of.

#2. A tornado went through my house in the fall. Taking the roof off, blowing the windows to shreds, and there's debris everywhere. I need to remember that it will take time to rebuild the disaster that struck. So far, Joe and I have been spending time on our marriage, prayerfully repairing foundations in that area.

#3. I need to recognize the good that has not been stripped away. Even through the storm, I am still running faithfully and have even begun to run in the mornings! I have still not thrown up my food or gone back to my eating disorder in order to cope. I am allowing God to go into the deep areas of my heart, even though I'm crazy scared of the pain that will and DOES come out. I am grieving in healthy ways and am learning to lean on God in ways I never knew were possible.

#4. It's time to work on the daily routine. Time to allow God to once again fill me with faith that "I CAN DO THIS" I've been fighting lies that "you're a failure, you can't do this, your kids would be so better off in school....." "you'll never accomplish anything in life, you'll never be anybody..."

I know God is bringing healing, because even just writing out those lies, I know they are so not true! God brought me this far....against all these odds.....why wouldn't he bring me all the way through????

Do you have any idea how many odds we've beaten??? Someday, I'll write a book.....I will....

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

I'll be the first in line to buy it!

Love Morgan

Madame Angela Baggett said...

I'm next ;)

Nin said...

I hate to have to say this.... but the first in line will be MEEEE!!!! (Elle Woods, Legally blonde, when she sees her name on the list of students who made the cut)
I love you sis, and love watching you on this journey. I've been blessed by our relationship in new ways.....
(also, will I get a chunk of change from your book sellings? Cuz I'm sure I'll pop up here and there in the story. Ya think?)

Princess Warrior said...

I just want the book:) and maybe a coffee with the author:)

Carebear said...

Did you guys even read my post, or just read that i'm writing a book!!?? LOLOL you guys are awesome! thanks for all the love awwwwwwww

Nin said...

No I didn't read the post, I just saw that someone said they'd be in front of me in line, and I just needed to correct that.
j/k. I love you.
See you TOMORROW BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Puff puff puff! huff huff huff!

Trev and Rebekah said...

I am SO proud of you for not going back to throwing up your food. Perhaps you had to go through that hard road to be able to walk through it and overcome in in preparation for this hard road you are in the midst of overcoming now. I'll buy one too.