good day

I love my hubby. My sister and I went out for a quick coffee last night and was bragging up our hubbies to eachother. It's amazing how we can be sitting in a pile of mud and every now and then, we'll fling some mud in their faces only to have them gently wipe their faces clean and say, "i love you, what do you need?"
My hubby has been so supportive, steady, and understanding.
He's hard working, selfless and puts his family in his utmost priority.
He's been so faithful in working in our basement, meeting our needs, putting in his all at work.....

Today was a good day. With the basement almost completed and in the finishing stages, the stress is easing off. As much as the pain of Caleb is rolling in, there is a definite healing behind the pain. I sat in His presence today, just pouring out my heart in worship. What a safe place. It was like I was carried to this place where no one could hurt me. Where, even tho I was hurting, I was in the highest level of care. That He was taking care of my hurt.

Before caleb passed, I was having a hard time "just being"
Just being the way I am before my God, my daddy, my father. I had a hard time recieving the unconditional love that God had for me. I've always struggled with having to "preform" "be good" If I'm sinning, he doesn't love me and if I'm "doing well" he loves me. It's been years that God has been trying to unravel this perverted way of thinking in my life.
Now that Caleb is gone, and I'm totally broken. I couldn't even force myself to be someone im not, even if i tried with all my might. I HAVE to be just me. So today, to sit in His presence and JUST BE, was so healing.
I love to praise God in the midst of trials. I love to declare that HE IS STILL WORTHY through hard times.....becuase I know he is.
I love that I can hide away in this "secret place" and know that I am in the hands of a mighty God. Today, I wanted him to know with my own lips that He is worthy, He is good, that I love him, that I trust Him. I really do trust him and his plans for me....for my family.

I know that there are days when I'm really down, sad, even depressed. But God is showing me that that's OKAY. He knows my heart. He knows I still love him and trust him and that it's okay to be sad and that doesn't mean that I'm not strong, or that I don't have a solid enough foundation in Him.
I want to follow him. I want His will.......
I want people to know........HE is WORTHY of our lives......still.....especially when things are dark and dim. Caleb would want that.