bulemia, compulsive overeating, being overweight

I wanted the title to grab your eye. These words mean different things to different people.

For some, bulemia may have struck someone you know, or maybe, you've read about it in a book. Maybe this is something that you really struggle with.

To some, the word "overweight" is you. You've wrestled with weight all your life. Or maybe you've been slim all your life and you watch others around you wrestle.

To some, the words "compulsive overeating" may cause you to think. "Am I a compulsive overeater? Am I normal? Do I have a problem with food? Maybe you already know if this is you. Maybe some of you may think that we "ALL" have struggles with food, while others feel very isolated believing that they are alone.

This is my story, praying that my life will point to God and all He does for us:

Being severly bullied as a child, I came home from school to find that the food in the fridge brought me comfort. It was a time to unwind, forget, and relax. I could enjoy the taste of unhealthy foods to ease my pain. When I turned 12, I discovered drugs and alcohol were much better suited to fix my pain. Food went on the back burner....but only for a short time.

I was admitted into a drug rehab at 15. Let me just say that we were fed WELL! I gained 30 pounds in 3 months. It was a physical picture that I had switched one addiction for another. Quitting drugs, I returned to my first comfort of food, but learned a new technique.....vomitting. This way, I could eat LARGE amounts of food in a binge, and not have any consequences.

After rehab, I met Joe, got pregnant, married, gained 60 pounds in pregnancy!!! Now I had something else to fuel my problem.....a weight problem......

Totally powerless over my addiction to food, I continued in my daily binging and purging. All the while, losing any hope that I would be normal. After my second child, I found myself lying on the kitchen floor, sobbing infront of my fridge, begging God to help me. To take away my desire to eat.....it never happened.
I prayed constantly for deliverance. Went to church leaders, confessing my closet eating patterns.
I fasted for a few days, only to find a severe binge waiting for me on the other side. My sizes kept creeping up, my self esteem kept dropping down, all the while losing more and more hope.

Depression, fueling my eating, eating, fueling my depression.
Cycle after cycle of this deadly sickly thing called gluttony.
Feeling like a victim, helpless to stop it, I give up.....

Years go by and I am only bigger, but numb. I now ignore my binging. It's part of my weekly life. I just accept that I will always be this way. My spiritual walk is stunted, my spirit is weary and defeated. I try to grow in all other areas of my life. Marriage, parenting, being a house wife, reaching out to my neighbours, praying for the lost, reading the word more.....

But I know that my eating affects ALL areas of life!
How can I glorify God when my outward body speaks of a life that's out of control to gluttony?
How can I truly experience freedom in my marriage when I am not confident in my own skin?
How can I model self control to my children, when they are daily witnessing a mom a slave to the fridge?
How can I share the hope of Jesus to my neighbours when I have no hope left for myself???

One day, I jump off the cliff.
I take the greatest leap of faith I've ever taken.
With nothing to loose, I join a weight loss group. Through my journey I lost 50 pounds and 10 sizes. BUT THIS IS NOT THE POINT PEOPLE!
God taught me about fighting the good fight of faith.
My deliverance came in the form of believing in faith in every moment that I am victorious!
Not giving up
Clinging to His word
Everyday, making that choice to believe what He says about me, not matter what is going on around me.
I was looking for a quick fix, that one prayer to "set me free" But all the while I never realized that I WAS FREE, I just had to WALK IT OUT!!!!!
I have a HUGE heart for those in bondage to food. I've been there. I KNOW what it's like.
I'm not perfect. I don't have it all figured out. But God is with me and I walk with him, THROUGH MY FALLS and through my victories. Ron shared an AWESOME message this morning on faith. Everything done apart from faith is sin. He shared that if the spirit of God left the church, 80% of it would still carry on as usual. That's how much we've walked away from faith! We either do it on our own, or sit on the pity pot not having any faith.

I just had another baby. I gained 50 pounds this pregnancy. I really struggled with food in my time of trial. (My son died when I was 5 months pregnant)
Now having to loose all my weight again, I'm not giving up.
This IS NOT ABOUT WEIGHT.
This is ALL about a life given to God IN FAITH!
There is so much more on this I could share, it's getting long. I'll have to share more next time.
Let's all rememeber that we can do all things through Christ who gives us strength.
There's soooo much more in my heart, but this is where I need to stop for now.