She's Here!!

Elishah Caleb was born 3pm February 24th, 2007 weighing in at 6lbs 7oz. Perfectly healthy and as cute as can be!!

I am posting for Sarah because I know you guys have been praying and are wondering what is going on. Sarah is doing very, very well for having a baby less than 48hrs ago. I am sure that as soon as she has some energy she will give you her own update but for now you can go to my blog for my shortened version and pictures.

Important baby update!! please read

Our little girl has been keeping us on our toes and she isn't even out of the womb yet! Before going to bed last night, I decided to check which way she was and her little head was up again!!!! She went breech a second time! I am now 39 weeks with 8 days to go. I spend alot of time with the Lord on this one, wanting to hear His heart in all this. This is what I feel He is saying...
That this is part of her destiny. That she is going to be a "boat rocker" someone that challenges people out of their comfort zones and draws them towards the Lord. Once you hear her name....you will also understand this confirmation!!!
The Lord wants me to cling to His unconditional love right now. Since I have nothing to stand on, He has so graciously placed me in a corner to give me an opportunity to lean on Him. Caleb's traumatic birth and life has many holes needing healing. God is using this to bring healing to both Joe and I, as painful as it is, we know He is pouring out love. But this is NOT EASY FOR US.
We went to the dr. today and she confirmed the breech position. Tomorrow we are going in to have another ECV (manual turning from the outside of the baby) and then once she is turned, they will induce me......cause no one trusts this little one to stay put!!!
Please pray as the Lord leads. Mostly for the peace of Christ to rule in our hearts and that protection will surround us.

our trip to the hotel, faith's 2nd birthday, and other pics

My 5 year old, washing dishes
Building forts in the kitchen....
The paniel was one of the first to arrive at faith's birthday!
Nin and chris in love as usual
Time to blow out the candles!
Opening a ton of gifts! this is me very pregnant, officially in 6 days I will have completed 9 full months of pregnancy!
Outside play
Faith can barely bend at the waist
At the sheraton hotel for our family christmas. my big lug of a nephew!! cutest thing ever. I ask god everyday for a baby as good as him!
My little fish....faith is the fishiest of them all!
Noah, being noah!
Time for a hot soak, sorry, no preggy pictures.

All mothers, need your labor stories!!!

I need to ask the ladies of their experiences with pre birth/labor.

I have never went into labor on my own. Becuase of what happened with caleb, the doctors always induced me early to insure that the same thing wouldn't happen again.
Caleb: emerg csection
Noah: 48 hours of labor 24 of really hard labor (almost csection) They induced me 10 days early
Isaiah: 18 hours of labor 6 really hard hours. induced 7 days early
Faith: induced 5 days early....basically showed up, pushed her out, went home....smiling and making lasagna.

I didn't experience Braxton Hicks contractions until Faith (#4)
This one, I've felt them since the 5th month.

This is my experience now....

I am 38 weeks. 14 days till I am due. And for the last week, I've really been experiencing some action down there.
2 days ago, my braxtons were 3 mintues apart for 2 hours! they never did get stronger and I finally fell asleep at 2 am, knowing that if it were real labor, the contractions would wake me up again.
Over the last week, she has been getting increasingly lower and lower, to the point of much pain and tonight, I was giving out little yelps becuase of the intense pressure and pain. I was sure she was pushing enough to break my water! that's how hard and low she is! I've never had this before. I know what it feels like to feel the baby move through the canal. this is what it feels like only a lesser degree of course. but the same sensation.

Has anyone had this happen?
Does this mean labor could be close?
Is my baby okay?
Please share your stories!

Praise report!

I had butterflies yesterday, as I went up to the assement ward at RUH. Emptied my bladder, just in case they had to do their own manipulating of the baby. They showed me into the room and there were 3 really nice doctors there. One on stand by for emergency, one in training and one in charge. They were all so good. Of course I've been in the birthing room with my sister and one of my friends a couple of times with a total of 8 births I've had and witnessed! So I knew on of them that delivered an old friend.
They all poked around to see if they could "out of their expertise" tell which was the head and which was the bum. They asked me if I thought I felt it turn on my own at some point. And I told them of my experience late Monday night:
Laying in bed, starting to contract, the baby took 10 minutes to turn, but that's when it all happened. it was the most intense movement! I said to Joe, "I think she just turned around!" I even phoned my sister at 11:15 pm and told her. But of course I had my doubts. I just wanted to prepare myself for the worst.
Two out of the 3 docs said she was still breech. They asked me, and I said she was head down. Well, I was right! She is ready to go, I'm SOOOOOOOOOO excited to birth this baby. bring it on! (complete with an epidural please!LOL)
We set up the crib yesterday, got some clothes ready, I'm feeling 100 times better! thank you so much for praying everyone.
Joe and I were sitting in admitting (by the main cafeteria) and feeling very odd. This was the first time that we were back at the hospital since Caleb's sickness and death. Staring at the main mall and glancing up at the 3rd floor where he last was......I started to talk to God.

You brought us here. To this very place.
We are pregnant because of You
The baby is breech because of You
we are pregnant AT THIS TIME becuase of You
Caleb's life ended at THAT TIME because of You
We are sitting here gazing into this hospital with these happenings, because of You.
What is the significance of the timing?
Why did you choose to have us bring death and life in a span of 4 months in this place?
I know you are not a God of chance.

I believe that as time unfolds, more of our small puzzle will be revealed. There is meaning in the timing of this baby and the death of our first born....

TIRED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

k, that really gets my goat! I wasn't even given a choice to switch to new blogger, they just MADE me do it! I couldn't log in without switching. that's just dumb. not to mention that I have my hubby's profile!! stupid

anyway, these are my thoughts and feelings today....it's a little depressing, but that's just what they are.

I am super tired all of a sudden. the last couple of weeks, I've just been slowing down like a wind up toy that's losing it's juice. I look around at all that needs to get done and know my energy levels, and wonder how it will get done. I push myself to the limits most days, laundry, school (as much as I can mentally take right now), cooking, cleaning, all the appointments, the reno's are mostly done, but there's all these rooms not in order. It's like half of our family has moved and the closets aren't built so I can't put things away....

The baby's room got a first coat of paint this morning. Faith somehow got into the room, into the wet paint tray and got paint all over the carpet!! it's yellow paint and dark berber!!! Have a crib, not set up, have clothes, not washed, have no dresser for the clothes.

This is where I wonder, how will I ever handle 4 active children! I'm so tired, I can barely handle the ones I have! It's funny, I've had 4 before. I was GOING to have 5!! One of them handicapped. Maybe God knew my limit. I hate feeling like this because I know in my head that this tiredness is just a season, but when I can't get through my days barely, I just think I won't be able to raise 4 spiritually healthy children...

I know I should cut myself some slack, but I just wish I could get done what needs to get done. I feel bad for Joe, he does everything! He goes to work, comes home and works every spare minute on things I can't do. He's so good. He's so good to me. I try to be faithful at the laundry, meals and basic tidyness, with the help of my other kids (and they are a great help...i really couldn't do it without them!) but I can't go beyond that. Today, Joe went to work without gitch on!! That has never happened! He had no clean underwear! Poor guy. I think I've done so well with the laundry in the last few years. It all gets folded and put away usually mostly on the same day. I'm talking like 6 or 7 loads! (I like to do it less often and more of it than less of it, more often)

everywhere I look, there is mess, stuff to be put away, stuff to be organized, books to read, things to plan, all in the midst of trying to spend quality time with my kids, teach them patience, self control, discipline, diligence, maturity, respect....all the while, I feel I'm struggling in these areas right now. I take raising them right VERY VERY SERIOUSLY. and when I'm not on top of teaching them, training them, I feel so out of order, yucky.

This really is a rant post. sorry guys.
I'm sure I'll cheer up soon. Maybe after tomorrow, when I know what's going on with the baby. Tomorrow is the scheduled ECV. Please pray as the Lords leads. Mostly for peace for Joe and I.....okay, okay, peace for mostly me! LOL

Thanks for listening to my rant

My journey with FEAR

So much fear....hidden.....I didn't see it....till the faithful God whom I serve loves me so much that He wanted to heal me!

Last Friday: Our family spends "christmas at the hotel" every year. We waterslide all day and eat good food. It's been a family tradition for about 5 or 6 years now.
Struggle: Caleb was missing this year. I packed up my kids and suitcases without my oldest son there. Spent the weekend without his presence. Caleb always spent his time soaking in the hot tub with jets on his back and cuddling with all of us. In water, Caleb wasn't heavy at all, so it was nice to hold him and cuddle his 9 year old bigness in a hot tub. I didn't have a chance to cry.

Monday: Was Caleb's birthday. I took the kids to the fun factory so that their lives could carry on and I didn't have to sit at home and mope. The carpet guys came and installed all our carpet, so the family was super excited, I wasn't really. I missed Caleb, he was missing the "moving on of our lives" I didn't get a chance to cry.

Thursday: Doctor's appointment. Was told that the baby is still breech. Talked about a c-section. Drove home totally stressed and overwhelmed. Still didn't have a chance to cry.
Didn't sleep a wink that night.
Friday: Homeschool convention. Alot of walking and sitting, thinking, filling up my brains to the hilt! Looking at countless books, spending alot of money.....By the time it was 9 pm and the convention was closing for the night, I sat down and was in overload. I was starting to have pains in my womb. Pinching ones that were kinda scary. Joe graciously went to get the van and told me that he was going to "baby me" when we got home. While he was gone, I just sat there, praying. Asking God why I was wound up tight like a screw. He started to flash Caleb's birth through my head....

Like a movie replaying, I sat there fighting the tears at first, but then couldn't stop them. Rememebering the trauma of Caleb's birth....

Went to hospital for a routine non stress test to have the doctors find that Caleb was in trouble. They broke my water to find much meconium and Caleb was in big trouble! From that moment on, they RAN with me on the bed down to the operating room...Joe was left behind. I was all alone. Before I could blink, the doctor told me to count backwards from 10 and put a mask over my face. At that moment, I felt the scalpel run through my belly and across....then I was out.


I woke up, drugged on morphine to only look at a poleriod photo of my son, down in the NICU. The picture showed only tubes. I couldn't barely see a human there.
The movie ran on in my head, the time I first got to hold him (he was nearly a week old before I could even hold my son!) The time the doctors told us he would never walk or talk. His surgery for his gastrostomy tube at 4 months of age. The time I "stole Caleb" from the hospital and locked myself in a room becuase everyone was trying to convince us to put Caleb in a home. I sat in that room rocking him, crying, wondering why no one wanted him.

By the time Joe got back with the van, I was a mess. I then realized why I was so darn terrified to have another C-section! I ran to the bathroom in tears (infront of all the homeschoolers) locked myself in a stall and cried and cried and sobbed and sobbed....

I said to God: "God, I want to trust you. I know you love me. I know you take care of me. My fear overwhelms me. Help me overcome my fear. Heal me heal me......I give this to you in words, still terrified, trusting that you will answer."

Sunday church: the message was on fear! whatda know!!!
I was standing at the front, talking to God, telling him the same things, waiting in anticipation. Wanda, Lani and my sis, came around me and started to pray. God's spirit came and just started to heal, minister, speak and love.
I believe and recieve that I have been delievered from fear that day. God spoke many things to my heart yesterday. Even gave me the name of the new baby.
He put this baby breech for a reason. To restore me. to heal me and to love me. I thank him so much for that.
The postion of the baby is in his hands. the birth and timing of this baby is in his hands.....the health of this baby is in his hands. But one thing that I needed to hear from him was that HE WANTS HEALTH FOR US.

So, I carry on the journey, clinging as best I can to the Lord. Knowing I will be safe. He is good. He is my God and my daddy. He is all powerful and the almighty. He is Holy and righteous. He is faithful and just. In Him I put my trust.

waves

another wave of grief comes over me. Caleb's would have been 10th birthday just past on Monday... I took my kids on the day to the fun factory so that they could run around and be happy. I knew I didn't have the mental energy or ability to do any school or help them to not be bored. My awesome sister came with me that day and spent the day with me.
I told her that I just wanted to stay in bed and cry, but "life goes on". Well, I haven't even had a chance to be sad (even though I totally am) the carpet was installed on Monday, Joe needed to work, the baby is coming in 3 weeks and we don't even have a home ready yet for her. We have furniture, books, boxes and all sorts of things being stored in every part of the city. Leon's, canadian tire, my parents, my sister, a storage bay on 8th street all have some of our things. I feel so usless being that I can't lift anything of weight, help Joe with all the work that he's had to do.....

Last night, we somewhat moved Noah to his new room...
I would appreciate some prayer in this time. I never really know when a wave is coming, or how long it lasts. But i do know that I am sad, missing him and feel all out of whack without him. It's so hard, becuase I feel bad that I'm not there for the other kids. We started school today, when I just decided that I'd better stop and take care of myself, before I yell at them for no reason....
In the last couple of weeks, my sleeping isn't the greatest. I'm up with the heartburn and hurting, numb legs from the extra weight. I have to keep flipping over so my legs don't ache, but they do anyway....I need some sleep.
what a contrast from the last post heh???
God help me....

His faithfulness

Trusting God.....
Following God....
Giving up our rights....

What does all this mean???

I am getting a clearer and clearer picture of this all the time. Alot of people are angry with God, mad at him for the way life turned out. People blame God. He's easy to blame, after all, isn't He the one "in control"??

Following Jesus is never a piece of cake. Once we become christians, our lives don't suddenly go all perfect. We don't all of a sudden get everything we want.

It isn't "if the storm comes"
It's WHEN the storm comes

It isn't "if you have trials"
it's WHEN you have trials....

God wants His children to be solid on the rock, so that WHEN the storm blows in, you will stand firm.

Noah prayed for Caleb to be healed. Caleb went to heaven instead
Noah prayed for a brother, but God is giving him yet another sister.
My friend (who isn't a christian) said to me today that she's concered that this is probably damaging his faith.
Hmmm, I told her that this is the perfect lesson for Him to learn of God's wisdom and infinite goodness. The sooner you can understand and grasp this, the sooner can know God's unfailing love and peace. The bible says that God's ways are higher than our ways, that His knowledge is too lofty for us to attain. it's too great for us to even begin to wrap our heads around it. There are 2 truths that we tell our kids over and over. especially after the death our our 9 year old this year....
God is always RIGHT
God is always GOOD
It's neat to see Noah learn these things. If he were to always get his prayers answered he would never learn the truth of these things. And neither would the rest of us.

My baby is breech....again....I had a feeling.
I lay in bed at night and lay down over and over my heart.
I AM afraid of having another handicapped child.
I AM afraid that I will have to have another C section (if this baby doesn't turn around)

But.....I know deep down, I really really do, that He is good and He is right. That His plans are to prosper us and not to harm us. And that NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, I WILL HOLD FAST TO THESE TRUTHS! I will declare that He is God, He is worthy, despite my fears, worries....He knows my heart. He can see that I really do trust him.
If this baby is not healthy, will I sink into the sand?

God's faithfulness is an amazing, supernatural thing! No one can explain how someone can have a severely disabled child with a million hardships, and have them loose that child in their 10th year of marriage and still declare HE IS WORTHY. Flesh doesn't do that. Praise God for grace. If He can carry us through that, He can carry us through anything!

So, I sit here, mixed with fleshy, godly emotions on carrying this fragile little life in my belly....
wondering how the next few weeks will unfold.....
I don't know......
I have no idea.....
But I do know....
that I can rest in His faithfulness.
(Brian Doerkson's song: Your faithfulness has been my song in this season)