k, that really gets my goat! I wasn't even given a choice to switch to new blogger, they just MADE me do it! I couldn't log in without switching. that's just dumb. not to mention that I have my hubby's profile!! stupid
anyway, these are my thoughts and feelings today....it's a little depressing, but that's just what they are.
I am super tired all of a sudden. the last couple of weeks, I've just been slowing down like a wind up toy that's losing it's juice. I look around at all that needs to get done and know my energy levels, and wonder how it will get done. I push myself to the limits most days, laundry, school (as much as I can mentally take right now), cooking, cleaning, all the appointments, the reno's are mostly done, but there's all these rooms not in order. It's like half of our family has moved and the closets aren't built so I can't put things away....
The baby's room got a first coat of paint this morning. Faith somehow got into the room, into the wet paint tray and got paint all over the carpet!! it's yellow paint and dark berber!!! Have a crib, not set up, have clothes, not washed, have no dresser for the clothes.
This is where I wonder, how will I ever handle 4 active children! I'm so tired, I can barely handle the ones I have! It's funny, I've had 4 before. I was GOING to have 5!! One of them handicapped. Maybe God knew my limit. I hate feeling like this because I know in my head that this tiredness is just a season, but when I can't get through my days barely, I just think I won't be able to raise 4 spiritually healthy children...
I know I should cut myself some slack, but I just wish I could get done what needs to get done. I feel bad for Joe, he does everything! He goes to work, comes home and works every spare minute on things I can't do. He's so good. He's so good to me. I try to be faithful at the laundry, meals and basic tidyness, with the help of my other kids (and they are a great help...i really couldn't do it without them!) but I can't go beyond that. Today, Joe went to work without gitch on!! That has never happened! He had no clean underwear! Poor guy. I think I've done so well with the laundry in the last few years. It all gets folded and put away usually mostly on the same day. I'm talking like 6 or 7 loads! (I like to do it less often and more of it than less of it, more often)
everywhere I look, there is mess, stuff to be put away, stuff to be organized, books to read, things to plan, all in the midst of trying to spend quality time with my kids, teach them patience, self control, discipline, diligence, maturity, respect....all the while, I feel I'm struggling in these areas right now. I take raising them right VERY VERY SERIOUSLY. and when I'm not on top of teaching them, training them, I feel so out of order, yucky.
This really is a rant post. sorry guys.
I'm sure I'll cheer up soon. Maybe after tomorrow, when I know what's going on with the baby. Tomorrow is the scheduled ECV. Please pray as the Lords leads. Mostly for peace for Joe and I.....okay, okay, peace for mostly me! LOL
Thanks for listening to my rant
8 comments:
so i had to catch up on your posts, you know i really like how you tell stories..when i read them i feel like i was there. AND
i MISSED the homeschooling conference..even though i have a few more years yet i was wanting to go but had been informed a tad bit to late.!!! i wanted to kinda get a headstart on it all!!
Awww Wish I would live right next door to you and be your angel that comes and gives you a helping hand. That would feel soo good. I'm sure it's exhausting for you right now. A stay at home and homeschooling gotta be the most stressful job yet the most rewarding!! Good job!! In fact, GREAT JOB!! It's ok to feel overwelmed. I feel like that with only TWO children sometimes. How you manage with four and one the way and a house to renovate... Ohh it must be stressful. Isn't anyone out there close by to come and give you a helping hand?? We need that sometimes. We think we can do it all by ourselves and it's just too overwelming. You need a nice massage and a little getaway with your husband even for a few hours it would do you tons of good. You have a very demanding job and it's ok to rant and feel the way you do. But let me tell you I'm sure you're super great at the job of being your kid's mom!! Good for you!! And stay strong and be of good cheer! I'll say a prayer for you today and do think of you and wish I could be of help.
Know that I am praying for you this morning...and I will committ to pray tomorrow, that the baby will be turned easily.
Hey super mama bear,
I would just like to say that I have fond memories of cleaning my home with my mom. Just being with her and having her smile was quality time:) Praying for you, today!
hey ...
was wondering if i could come by and help some this weekend. probably sunday or monday afternoon. let me know what you think... i can chat more about it on sunday if/when i see you.
I am praying for you this morning...it's valentine's day and I just could not let it pass without sending you a big hug.....I love you my friend!
Hope all went well with your appointment this morning!
Happy Valentines Day!!
I think that you are doing the best job that you can, and God never ever gives us more than we can handle, so I'm sure He knows that you will do an excellent job with all of your children! (I have to remember that a lot also, and I'm only going to have 2) Also, I will definitely be praying for you tomorrow too! Best wishes are with you!
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