Cry it out

One of my mentors was here this morning. She's taking me through a book called, "every woman's battle' It's a book on guarding you heart, taking your thoughts captive and keeping your heart only for your love for Jesus. She reads aloud to me a chapter a week and then we pray and talk about what God is saying to us.

This chapter was about keeping your heart safe from potential harmful and sinful relationships. And about the sequence in which you can enter into them. Red, yellow and green lights. The five stages of a relationship: Attention Attraction affection Emotional arousal and attachement emotional affairs and addiction

This book is focused on mostly keeping your guard against someone of the opposite sex, but following what Jesus says that ANYTHING can become a source for you, when you are avoiding pain.

There are people that use the emotional and physical affairs to numb and treat pain that's inside. We are all just looking for love. My eyes were opened that I am still very much running to things to ease my pain. Not a person, but shopping, food, and exersice. But more than that, God revealed to me that instead of getting the hammer out and beating myself brutally and repeatitivly for sinning, I really need to deal with the hurt and pain in my heart. I am stuffing it in fear of how much it will hurt coming out. And also, I have numbed myself so long, that I'm having a hard time even getting IN TOUCH with that pain....

Caleb.....A very big hurt in my heart still. Some of you would be thinking, "holy, it's been like a year and a half! get over it!" well, whatever, if you're saying that. It's still a huge hurt and throbs if I can get deep enough to feel it. God, allow me to cry, hurt, grieve. Allow me to pour out to you. take it, heal it.........be with me......