body image

Last week I put the scale away. In my time of desperation and high heat (courtesy of God) I have come to a place where healing and wholeness trump all else.

God has called our family to radical healing and wholeness. But our every second, every moment choices are crucial to this process. I know that in order to become all that God has called me to be, I need to get comfortable in the skin I'm in. I need to show my beauty from within.

My prayer is to become meek, quiet and gentle. Of course, the way God created me isn't the meek and quietness of someone else. I know other women whose meekness looks totally different than someone else's meekness. Quietness can come in many different forms too. I am thankful that God is telling me all the time how beautiful he made me....which actually is animated, full of spirit and passion!

One of the truths I stand on a repeat when nesessary is, 'I am not a body. I HAVE a body, but I am a spirit"

Back in Sept when Joe wasnt' with us for a couple of weeks, I lost 10 pounds due to extreme stress. But since he's been home and we are slowly approaching normal, my eating patterns have just come into line. And I am now in a healthy range for my height. I am officially no longer "overweight" Something really broke for me in all this. That's another thing to give God thanks for! His timing is perfect, He thinks of everything! When God was rooting out my bulimia back in February, He knew that hard times were coming. He knew that it was time to leave that part of me behind to prepare me for now. If I had not dealt with my eating disorder, I'd be a severe mess!

To truly come to healing with my body image and become secure with how God sees me, I have taken further steps to walk towards this. It's been very hard, and I've been very scared, becuase this is all I've known. Even tho adopting God's opinion of me would be the very best for me, it's not what's comfortable. We humans like to stick to what's familiar. Even if it's bondage.

Since the scale has been away, I haven't "labeled myself" with a number each morning. I don't wake up and say to myself, "I'm Sarah, 138 pounds" I am just Sarah! It's freeing. It's way more peaceful. And I also find that I don't eat according to the number. If I'm "sarah/140" then I am constantly making sure I don't eat much that day. If I'm Sarah/135, well, then I deserve a treat! This is so dumb!

These days, I eat 3-4 meals a day, stop when I'm satisfied and choose foods that make me feel physically good. I NEVER in a MILLION years thought I'd ever say these words, knowing that I was free. Such an amazing, humbling thing. God is so good and patient. And He LOVES ME! And He says I"M WORTH IT!