My bulemia story Part 3

In part one, I already shared a bit of the transition between being a child into adolecense. By the time I was 12, the hole in my heart was open, raw and vulnerable to anyone willing to offer me any kind of "love". This means whether it was genuine or not, was not my concern at this point. And believe me, there were MANY opportunities to "recieve love". Most of my friends were in the exact same boat as I was! Looking for love, not having a clue what to look for. Finding acceptance in partying, rebelling, and giving yourself away became common. Food took a back seat in this season. There were SO MANY NEW THINGS TO FILL MY EMPTINESS!

These years and experiences brought much damage to the spirit God had given me. I became hard and calloused. The tenderness I had as a child was exchanged for strong walls and rebellion and a false sense of power in the choices I was making. I was decieved into thinking that I was becoming powerful, when really chains and shackles were being wrapped around me everyday I lived this way. Strong holds were taking root, deep root, along with major wounds being formed from the choices I was making.

But God.....met me in rehab! I will NEVER forget that day, rocking back and forth on my bed. I was going to be staying here for the next 3 months, with no family, no friends, just a whole ton of pain that would be set before me to work through. For the next 3 months, all I would be doing, would be facing the realities of how I got to this place......

Overwhelmed and scared out of my mind, I locked my door and sobbed. How was I going to recover from this mess I made? How would I mend the relationships I had severely broken? How could I dare face the REAL me? Who would I turn to? My family was 4 hours away, I had no real friends. Who did I have?
I had grown up going to church. I was told about God, knew about Jesus.....there was something in my spirit that knew HE was THE ANSWER..... I looked up in my little closet to see that my mom had packed me a bible. If He wouldn't answer me now, then all hope is truly lost..... The bible fell open to Psalm 121. It read:

I lift up my eyes to the hills— where does my help come from?

My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber;

indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.

The LORD watches over you—
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;

the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.

The LORD will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;

the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.

God became real to me in that very moment. He WAS taking care of me. He never fell asleep, He was ALWAYS watching over me. My hope was restored like a dark room filled with sunlight. He filled me with hope that I could be restored.....