Breast feeding has come to a sad end

Grieving the loss of feeding my baby has been tough. The week before the wedding, I dried up.
(Caleb was unable to nurse due to his severe CP)
Child #1: Noah....I dried up at 4 months
Child #2: Isaiah...By 3 and a half months, we were on the bottle
Child #3: Faith...I was able to breastfeed her till she was 7 months old!

I thought that the problem with my first two kids were due to the birth control pill. Since I wasn't on the pill with Faith, I thought that I'd found the root of the problem. I came into the newest #4th baby with high hopes and dreams. I had a beautiful picture of me nursing my one year old, going from breast to cup. Something I've never experienced before. This was a huge let down to find out that the inevitable was taking place. Powerless to stop it, I feel so so sad.
Feeding a foreign substance into my tiny little helpless baby has not been easy. I've finally been able to put words to how I'm feeling about this.

There is a nuturing mother in me, given by God to want to love, nuture and give to my little babies. I feel that a part of this has been taken from me. The chance to be able to pour my all into my helpless ones is very important to me.

I know this may seem silly to some, and that's okay. I am okay with my strong desire to want to mother and nuture my babies. There's nothing funny or strange about it. It's just the way God made me.

Now after all that is said, I deep down trust that God knows best. That He is the giver and the taker. I feel blessed to have been given the chance to nurse them at least this far. I also know that God blesses me to grieve. So I will grieve......grieve the loss of a BIG DREAM.....and place it in the hands of the dream giver.