The song, "the voice of truth" is on my heart today. It talks about how the "giants" in your life laugh at you and tell you that you will never make it. But the voice of truth tells you not to be afraid and that it's for His glory.....I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth....
I have serious fear issues.
I have issues of bitterness that I never realized how deep rooted they really were until I tried pulling them out.
The last couple of months, I have been challenged to walk as a godly wife. One that blesses, helps, encourages and prays for my husband. One that doesn't nag, isn't afraid of him making the "wrong choices", and isn't his "holy spirit".
This is where I'm at in a nutshell:
I can "SEE" (I feel like God has opened my eyes) to what is really going on. When I'm acting out of fear instead of trust. I can see when I'm holding on to something from a long time ago and I know that love keeps no record of wrongs.
I can see when I'm being controlling and nagging and in my heart I'm frustrated instead being at peace and laying it all down.
Joe and I took a "love and respect" course 2 years ago. I am still slowly reading a book called "created to be his helpmeet" (you need to read it slow...there's lots to chew on)
I find myself at the end of everyday, repenting for nagging, or being fearful, or letting bitterness root deeper.....Last night, I did it again. I get tied between all the "reasons" (which really are excuses) for being angry, being bitter, or fearful and knowing in my heart where I need to walk.
I told Joe last night that "if I had some thread of hope to hang on to that this would change, I wouldn't be so upset, angry, I could forgive you, I could walk rightly...."
Did Jesus receive that from the people that nailed him to the cross?
He even washed Judas' feet and he KNEW he would betray him.
I know in my spirit what I need to do......
I cry out to Him, and keep turning from it.....
Joe says that I am changing....
I wonder.....
I prayed with him last night and layed it all down again.
I have 1 Cor 13 on my school board. I want to love as Jesus loved.
We don't know what love is in this world. The world tells us that we have rights. Therefore, if someone has violated those rights, we then in turn have the right to not love....
NOT SO
Teach me to LOVE Lord.....give me your heart.
I want to be this beautiful lioness, one that is graceful, yet powerful, standing behind my lion...
5 comments:
God obviously has huge plans to build the testimony of your marriage. It's very evident that He wants to speak to others about His love and faithfulness through you guys. Be encouraged that he is drilling His point home.
I totally identify with you. Last week I felt like I needed an exorcism! I had so much unhealthy religion, anger and judgement in me against my husband when Jesus was actually calling me to compassion and understanding. Instead, I wanted to rip him to shreds. I wasn't thinking that the roots could be fear and insecurity. Hum- I'll have to think through and see if that was there too. Thanks for sharing.
It's so cool to see how God is working in your lives....
Love you my friend!
Blessings
I saw your comment on my blog. Yes, the person who is commenting on your blog as 'carol' is me, Song of Joy. :)
I absolutely LOVE that book "Created to be his help meet" [by Micheal and Debi Pearl] I own it and it's definately something you need to read like a devotional book. You can't read too much at once just a little at a time and meditate on it what you read. Yes, it speaks volumes. it really challenges me in a lot of areas. here's my e-mail address lendihofer@hotmail.com. I would like you to e-mail me and I'll invite you to my blog as I made mine private.
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