Balance

I've been having a really hard time balancing my life lately. I've always sucked at it, actually....

The 4 parts that make us human:
Mental
Spiritual
Physical
Emotional

Lately, I'm spending alot of time working out and reading information on running and exercise. Which is feeding my mental and physical.

Just a couple of weeks ago, I was all in the Bible. I wouldn't read anything else! When now, I'm feeling starved AGAIN for some spiritual food.....

In the fall, for the months of September, October and November, I was HARD CORE into homeschooling. We still do stuff, but not like the fall. That's ALL I DID! Was school my kids, which isn't healthy either!

It's always all or nothing with me. I hate that! Last night I had the most amazing run! But my house is such a mess, I don't know where to start! My kids need me to revamp the homeschool schedule and give the last few months of school a good punch....

God help me......I need your balance. You have given me all these things in my life to manage and steward. Help me......

part 10 my bulimia story

So what's left? At the last part of the story, I had lost 50 pounds and still struggling with bulimia. Wondering when...NOT IF....but WHEN I would be back at my original 200 pounds. Knowing that my insides haven't really changed, I was constantly thinking of how I could keep up the show. Wondering how I was really going to manage keeping this weight off. At home I was still seriously binge eating about 1 to 3 times a week.

For mother's day, Joe bought me a beautiful ring. Knowing that I like rainbows, the ring he picked out, stood out to him because it had 5 colorful gems in it. The second he gave it to me, I knew that this ring represented the 5 children that we would have. In a week from mother's day, I was found to be pregnant with #5!

I remember my auntie's first words when I told her that I was pregnant,. "So, what's this going to do to your weight problem?" (Said in a very snarky voice) "weight PROBLEM?????" I snarked back.....
But inside I knew, I was doomed.........

After the sudden death of our oldest son, I fell way off the wagon. Convincing myself the lie that I "deserved" to do anything I wanted since I lost my son, my eating went way out of control. A lie that I chose to believe all 5 of my pregnancies was that "I would just take off the weight later, after the baby, but for now, I'll just enjoy being pregnant. And since I can't loose weight right now anyway, I might as well gain the weight without worry. I deal with it later...." Up to my son's death, I was making an honest effort to make sure I didn't gain too much weight. But then after he died, I just didn't care anymore.

The last 4 months of pregnancy, I honestly can't describe. It was incredibly hard, yet little Elishah still in my womb gave us much hope. Words can't describe it all during those months. We just tried "getting through".

After she was born, it was time to start getting the pounds off again. I had gained a woppin 50 pounds and gave birth to a 6 and half pound baby.....you do the math......

All moms are anxious to see what comes off in those first few weeks. All moms also know that whatever is left after the first 4 weeks is YOUR JOB to get off!!!!!
Guess how many pounds I lost out of those 50 I gained????
A measly 15......
Yep, that makes 35 more pounds for me.....
SIGH.....

In the late spring one year ago, Nin and I felt led by the spirit to take on running. Another cliff we were afraid to jump off. We could never hold fitness commitments! Would this time be different?
We felt that God wanted to teach us things through parables. And He did! We were learning thins about:
-holding to your comittments
-Finishing the race
-Pressing on toward the goal
-Facing our giants (the running"strip")
-not giving up
-having faith that God provides the strength
-We even learned a cool lesson that we are all built differently. That God gave us each unique gifts. (being that nin could run fast sprints and I could run long distances.)

During this journey of running, I had learned of "Body For Life" Click here to go to the website. It's about eating 'clean', strength training and cardio. I suctioned cupped to this like a fly on poop......telling myself that I would a 6 pack of abs in a year.....(obviously....it's been a year....and last I checked, I'm still as jello-y wiggly as ever!~ LOL)

God was speaking to me about my bulimia. Wanting me to surrender it to Him. But I didn't know how. During our runs, I would talk to nin about my struggles. I would tell her and confess each time I had thrown up my food. But week after week after week, I was starting to sound like a broken record! I couldn't stand to hear myself talk anymore! So I stopped sharing, totally discouraged, I kept my bulimia to myself, since nothing was changing.

Looking back, I see God planting alot of seeds. Even tho I didn't have victory at that time, He was teaching me about comittment and perseverance. I was growing in character by sticking it out with my running comittments. It's now been almost one year and I'm still running. God even provided me with a treadmill for the winter! Looking back, I was so discouraged that I wasn't gaining victory in my eating at the time, but I see how God was truly preparing me for the REAL DEAL! He was turning the soil of my heart showing me that I COULD set the bar high! Through running, He was showing me that IT WAS POSSIBLE for me to reach my goals. I was doing more than I ever thought through running.
When it all boiled down, I was getting ready to REALLY WANT the fruit that really lasts. The fruit that only Jesus can make.....

pics to enjoy

John 3:16

It's a verse that all believers and alot of unbelievers can recite. It's one of the most common verses and staples of God's word.....

But WHAT LIFE IS FOUND IN IT"S WORDS.....stop and ponder each word......

For God.....

SO LOVED THE WORLD......

that He gave his only Son......

that whoever believes in Him......

Will not perish.......

But have everlasting life.......

I am tempted to highlight and put bold letters in this passage, but God is saying that, to each of His kids, He will speak different things. I love how I will read the same verse many times and read something totally different over time, all depending on what God is saying to me in that time.

Like God says in Hebrews (4:12)
The word of God is living and active. It is sharper than any sword that has two edges. It cuts deep enough to separate soul from spirit. It can separate joints from bones. It judges the thoughts and purposes of the heart.

Part 9.....This story is getting long!

part 1 part 5
part 2 part 6
part 3 part 7
part 4 part 8

In August 2005, I ran into a friend that had lost a serious amount of weight. I asked her what she had done and how much she lost. She said she lost 25 pounds and she went to weight watchers. I went home and wondered if I should try one last time.

By this point, I had pretty much given up hope that I would ever change. I would be shopping in a mall and see really obese people in motorized carts and know without a doubt that that would be me someday. My eating was out of control. I was throwing up around once to twice a week on average, eating WAY past full, eating in the middle of the night, eating everytime I'd pass the kitchen. My world revolved around food and eating. My thoughts were filled with the cycle of eating because I felt fat and getting fat because I ate.....

One last time, I decided to muster up my last bit of faith and hope and go to a WW meeting. Totally scared that I would fail yet another diet, I made it up in my mind that I would try my best. I went for my first weigh in.....

The scale read 191 pounds. I couldn't believe it. That's how much I weighed at 9 months pregnant with Caleb!!!! For 5 foot 3, I was pretty much 200 pounds! Knowing that I was busting out of a size 18 and going into the 20's, all of a sudden, REALITY HIT ME. I was obese. I was headed for serious health risks. I was headed to ruin my life. I realized how much denial I was in. I hadn't stepped on a scale for months maybe years. I didn't want to know how bad it was.

These facts are just that....facts. This journey for me isn't about the weight as much is as it's been about my heart, about surrender, about obedience and about trusting God. In a society that's weight obsessed, so concerned about numbers and sizes, I don't want to give the impression that this is the focus. I am ONLY sharing the details because God at that point started something in me and is continuing to teach me....HONESTY.


To see things for what they really are and stop sugar coating things. Stop making exuses, "reasons" and trying to make sin look pretty. It was at this first weigh in that He opened my eyes. I saw 2 paths. One had life and one had death. I had to make a choice...... I chose to try. To jump off a scary cliff, past my fear of failing, past the statistics of yo yo dieters gaining the weight back, and trusting that God would lead me. What a learning time this was! I had NO IDEA that you could drink all you calories in a day! I had no idea that one egg was the same points as a piece of bread was the same as half a cup of pasta.......SO MUCH TO LEARN! In my first week I lost 5.4 pounds! In 6 months, I was down 40 pounds and by summer (one year later) I was down 50 pounds and hadn't weighed that little since I was 17! That's ten years!

But there's a catch.....this all sounds wonderful.....It looked wonderful.....I was getting wonderful compliments.....I was wearing wonderful clothes......but again, at home, behind closed doors raged the monster within......bulimia......

Looking back this is what I feel was God's plan through it all. In His great mercy and love for me, he allowed me to taste being at a healthy weight. I did follow the plan mostly, it's not like I ate my face off through that year and lost all the weight, no....But once or twice a week, I would still binge and throw up my food. God wanted to show me that it was POSSIBLE. That it could be done. To not give up on myself and destine myself to be obese the rest of my life. He wanted me to know there was a way out.

Because He knew what was coming.....I didn't.....but He did......

my bulimia story part 8

After Noah, my journey to really loose weight begun. I started trying new diets and trying to learn more about losing weight. But I wasn't interested in a lifestyle change. I was looking for a quick fix. Over the next 5 years I tried the following:

The atkins diet
Harmful diet pills
Not eating
throwing up
juice fasting
the soup diets
even a vegan diet
and exersise.

It's been such a roller coaster of emotions, weight gain and loss, depression and mountain top experiences through it all. Never really getting to the root of my issues. At first, I had NO self control. Over time, I was learning to modify my behavior and "do" the "right things". This only lasted a very short time before my fleshly impulses would start screaming and I'd give in to "what I really wanted." This year, God has opened my eyes to so many things. All my life, I thought that sin was pleasure. That's where it was at! It was the cheese fries, the burgers with bacon, the chips and dip and brownies. I believed that this was what satisfies the soul. Even though I was walking with the Lord and I "knew" that this was wrong and that I should find all my satisfaction in God, my flesh didn't line up with what I knew I "should" do.

Our pastor just finished a teaching series on "lighting torches" What this means is that instead of trusting God, we light torches to help ourselves find our way. And most of the time you'd think that lighting a light in the dark would be a GOOD THING! But actually what you're doing is falling away from God and setting up your OWN SYSTEM. Before you know it, years go by and you are all wrapped up in lies. This is what happened to me. The bible is dead on when it says that the devil disguises himself as an ANGEL OF LIGHT!

For example: One of my "torches" was to eat all healthy food. This seems like an excellent idea! How could eating right be wrong??????? I would ONLY eat extra virgin, cold pressed olive oil, I wouldn't even eat healthy bread from the store! It had to be from my bread maker made with honey and olive oil. No margarine, no white anything, everything had to be organic. (our grocery bill was through the roof!) Organic whole wheat crackers at 5$ for a small box! Organic fruit, bottled water.....it goes on and on.......

It's all about your heart! this is all Jesus really says in the NT. Where's your heart? I had convinced myself that "I was OK" because I "did all these works" "see, look at ALL I'm DOING!" From the outside looking in, friends and family didn't understand why I wasn't loosing weight, since I "DOING" all the "right things" I even shared my frustration openly with many people hoping they would share in my self pity that I wasn't loosing any weight.

Behind closed doors was a different story......On the outside and in public, I was perfect! I never touched a chip or a sugary drink. But at home, my flesh would fall apart! I could only wear that face for so long. The moment I was alone, I would eat white bread with butter, koolaid, pizza, and chocolate chips, only to get rid of it all in the toilet. The first few years of this juggling of two people didn't bother so much. Becuase "I was TRYING" I guess I thought that the good would cancel out the bad.

..... ALL the bargaining I've done with myself and God over the years.....
All the justifying of my sin, the exuses, the lying to myself and to God......

And all that time, I thought I was "doing the right thing"

Well, I believe this is the end of this post. God would have me stop here for now...... I thought I was going to write about my church, but I am trusting that God is leading me to write each part. So I guess I won't say what will come next cause I DON"T KNOW! :)

To whom it may concern

"Senka, you dead man???"

Holy sore calves batman

Part 7

Part one
Part two
Part three
Part four
Part five
Part six

Change started to slowly happen, one baby step at a time.
When I got pregnant with Noah, Caleb was just over a year. This scared the crap out of me! ANOTHER BABY! I knew that if things didn't drastically change, this family would be hooped!
I joined "the weigh down workshop" and learned ALOT! About making food a god and how to put God on the rightful place in my heart. These were tools that I desperately needed, but honestly didn't know how to put them into practice. Self control was NOT part of my vocabulary. I did not know how to tell myself "no".

Looking back, all the way to this very day, I realize that all those years of bondage were held securely by ONE LIE:
"I do not have a choice"
"It's been a hard day, I NEED this food. It's too hard. I can't do it. I'm too screwed up. I deserve the food. I was abused in my past, that's why I have an eating disorder......"

Still God was faithful and patient to continue to plant seeds into very hard and rocky soil. At my Weigh Down group one night, I asked for prayer. I was asking for help, knowing I was pregnant and that my life HAD to change NOW, LIKE RIGHT NOW!
One lady responded and said that God will provide the train ticket we need. Even if the ticket comes at the very last minute, He will provide the way. He gave me this baby and He would help us change as we ask humbly.....

One baby step at a time.....
My house was such a pig sty! Dirty diapers everywhere, moldy dishes and laundry were always piled up. We could never have anyone over without a weeks notice and then we'd usually cancel our plans because we were too lazy and/or depressed to clean the house.

In my pregnancy with Noah, I was determined to clean up the house and keep it clean!
And I did! The house stayed clean for one month straight without mold and garbage every piling up. It was a celebration! I've always been pretty open and honest about my struggles. I remember telling my family how proud of myself I was!

Binging and purging was still always there. I really believed I couldn't stop. I wanted to, but obviously, not bad enough.

Noah was born and we moved to a wheelchair accessible home. There I continued to keep up with my daily duties, but still was struggling with depression and tied to the fridge and cupboards all day long. Joe came home to a clean house most days, but found me still so unhappy, sad and out of control when it came to food.

At this time, the best thing ever happened to us! We found our church home!!!!!!!!!!!
Now if I can just say right off the bat HOW IMPORTANT A CHURCH FAMILY IS.......
We ALL need to be a part of the body! ALL believers need a home!!!!
It's biblical, it's God's heart, there is NO way around this! So many believers think they are fine on their own at home watching their sunday morning programs. THIS IS A LIE! It's satan's way of keeping God's kids stumped in their growth. They are isolated and therefore not able to be stretched, challenged to come out their comfort zones and fed the lie that "God is enough, so you don't need anyone else"
It's His heart for us all to have a place to belong. Think about it....What does God say about orphans??? He adopts them! It's NEVER his plan for the kids He created to be alone......I encourage you to ask God where your family is and GO! BELONG! BE LOVED AND CARED FOR!!!!!!!! YOU WON"T REGRET IT! (K, I'm done my rant)

Next.....How God THROUGH our church family provided our needs for healing, restoration, correction, rest and refuge......

Rated one of the best posts ever written!!! You HAVE TO READ THIS POST my sister wrote! Let me know what you thought! Click here

my bulimia story part 6 (warning, NOT A PRETTY POST!)

Joe and I continued to date and isolate ourselves from everyone else to keep me away from bad influences. But this meant another temptation. Within 8 months, Joe and I were pregnant.
Now what?

We found ourselves in a christian adoption agency, researching the options. We knew that ending our baby's life was NOT an option! Joe wanted to keep the baby, and I wanted to give it up.

4 weeks after our appointment with the adoption agency, Joe asked me to marry him. He said he would take care of me and the baby and we would raise our baby in a christian home.
Scared, yet, excited, I said YES!

We got married on Nov 9, 1996. I was 6 months pregnant. I moved in with Joe in a little basement suite. This is where things went really wonky.
Not having a clue about self discipline, responsibility or general information and wisdom on healthy living, I very quickly slipped into damaging life patterns.
Not knowing how to be productive with my days and nothing to do, my days were filled with eating, sleeping and watching tv. This is the greatest recipie for depression! This is where my vomiting got alot worse. I would eat so much volume that I felt so sick.

The cycle of eating because you feel bad and feeling bad because I ate....had begun.....
By the end of my pregnancy with Caleb, I had gained 60 pounds.

The next year of my life, food became my constant. whether depressed, really sad, angry, or just bored, food seemed to be the one thing that brought me temporary relief. My bulimia was out of control. Somedays I would binge and throw up up to 3 or 4 times a day. There were a few times I saw blood in the toilet. I didn't know how to stop. Everyday I would wake up not wanting to wake up. Joe would go to work and I was left at home with a special needs child, responsibility I wasn't ready for and my pain I didn't know how to heal.

When I think back to everything I've been through, I would honestly have to say that this time was the hardest to get through. I had regular thoughts of suicide. I cried all the time feeling so trapped in so many lies and strongholds.......Joe remembers driving home from work sometimes really worried that he might find me lying on the bathroom floor with a empty pill bottle to my side. It was really really bad.

My temper was uncontrollable. Mood swings. I would yell and scream, swear, slam doors so hard that pictures would fall off the walls. I would throw things, punch holes in doors and one time, Joe kicked me out. "I will not allow this in our home, you will leave until you have cooled off and can control yourself!" (middle of winter)

I had extreme night terrors (really bad nightmares) of demons, the occult, and torture. I was always afraid and terrified. I had to sleep with the lights on.
Looking back, the enemy had so many holds.......so many doors to walk through. God had a lot of work to do.....

He was patient, kind, uncondtionally forgiving. One by one God took the chains off.....
Faithful to the very end.
Even through all this evil, God loved me and saw me through. He never gave up on me. I never thought I was valuable enough to be saved, yet I knew he was the answer.
Year after year, I cried out to Him.....
Year after year, He answered me.....

"Ogre's are like onions, we've got layers"
-Shrek

My bulimia story part 5

part one
part two
part three
part four

Fresh out of a nice glass bubble, into the real world of old friends, a new school and a new heart. Hoping and trusting that God will provide new friends and strength for me to stay clean and sober. At my new high school, I heard about a christian prayer group that met at lunch. So I went. There, I met Joe. He also was on a mission to stay on the straight and narrow. He had strayed from God's path as well.
I wish that I could say that we both turned to the Lord and followed Him at this point, but we didn't. I was deperately trying to stay away from old contacts and not having a clue how to find my own self worth WITHOUT a guy in my life, I clung to Joe....until my first relapse.

I broke Joe's heart, over and over. He would come pick me up at parties and nurse me back to health hoping to hear that I would never do drugs again. Week after week of empty promises, he cracked. He broke up with me. He was gone. Here was someone that actually cared for me and I messed it up bad.

Alone once again, all I had were friends that weren't friends and a cheap high that didn't last. What was I doing??????

On November 16 1995, I got clean for good. Never touched another drug or another drink. I came to a place that I wanted freedom FOR ME, not for Joe, not for my parents, but for me. I had to let Joe go. Never knowing if he would come back. But in time, Joe saw that I was serious. He could tell that I was staying clean for me and not just trying to get him back.

Joe came back....

I guess this is kinda turning out to be my life story.......
That's okay. I am finding this very healing for me to reflect and see how far God has brought us.
It's kinda hard to only write about my food issues without sharing the rest. So many of the reasons I developed such a stronghold with food were the reasons I am writing about.

Continually choosing the wrong path causes a train wreck of consequences! I know that some of you out there may have not "dabbled" in drugs, or had premarital sex, and think that "your story" is "boring". May I ENCOURAGE you that you are SAVING YOURSELF A TON OF PAIN! You don't need to lay down in shit and roll around in it to testify that it stinks.
Everyone knows shit stinks.

I know that God wants to use my story to share God's forgiveness, God's healing and saving grace, Here I am almost 30 and have been wrapped up in such a mess, spending my youth trying to detangle myself out of satan's chains. That is NOT God's plan for His kids!!! I pray for those that are reading my story to say, "MAN! DON"T DO WHAT SHE DID!!!!!"
and that others that have messed up like me to say, "MAN! God CAN heal, and CAN deliver!!! IF there's hope for her, surely God's plans for me are for hope and for good!"


to come next......marriage, baby and alot of eating!

My bulimia story Part 4

You can read the first 3 parts:
Part one
Part two
Part three
As I began my walk with God for the first time in my life, He made himself more and more real everyday. Peace was flowing out of me! I was known as the "happy camper" in rehab. Alot of girls didn't even like me at Whitespruce because I was running after God and it showed! I would just burst into song out of nowhere! Songs of Jesus and His love for me. I would laugh, REALLY LAUGH!! For the first time in many years, I had joy! At my rehab graduation, my family drove 4 hours to be there. They told me it was the biggest, longest "marbling" they have ever had in the history of whitespruce! Usually graduation is held in a small group room, but they had to book the commons for mine! Everyone was crying, overwhelmed at how a messed up girl who was angry beyond all reason, could be transformed into being soft, peaceful and full of life.

I remember going around the "pod"(where we lived) and praying for all the girls, encouraging them, laughing with them and sharing Jesus with them. I truly became a different person after that night God met me through Psalm 121. Life was worth living!

These were the foundations my God was laying in my life that kept me going even through much pain that came later. He became a really daddy to me and a safe place. Unfortunately, I still was broken and needed healing. Being in a glass bubble in rehab was God's plan. It was His way to REACH me! This was His chance to speak to me and pour out His love with no distractions. Group consisted of 3 hours of talking through issues. We had treatment work to do every day. It was a place to till the soil, turn and feed the soil of the heart. A protective place to rest and feel safe while you healed.

This is where food comes back into the picture. Even though God was making miracles in my life, I still had very addictive patterns and, without realizing it, food came creeping back. We ate 6 times a day in rehab. I was so desperate for love and attention, that I felt that "if I am REALLY messed up, they will love me more" My roomate from Yellowknife had gained 60 pounds! can you believe that??? She started throwing up her food to deal with her weight gain. I thought it would get me more attention if I did that too. That's where I made the stupidest choice in my life! (well, one of them!) I purposely decided to become "bulimic" How stupid is that?

The time at whitespruce had come to an end. My term stay could only last 3 months. Then it was time to pack up and face the REAL MUSIC. Back to your stomping grounds, with the old people, that are still doing what they were doing when you left them. "Stealin' and drug dealin' ..... After rehab, I started at yet ANOTHER high school. (I've been to pretty much all the high schools in the city except the west side ones) I joined a christian prayer group to make NEW FRIENDS. Hopefully friends that weren't going to use you and are a mess themselves! That's where I met JOE!!!! GOD IS GOOD......

A condensed update of where I'm at

I just wanted to share a couple of super awesome things that God has done! I know that I am sharing my whole story of my walk with food in parts, but I wanted to just share how good God is. So the reader's digest version of where I'm at:

The last time I threw up my food was February 5th! (Caleb's birthday, I believe God had me "snap" on THAT day to make Caleb a part of the victory)
That is one month and 2 days ago!!! I have never in these 18 years, gone that long before!

I fit a new pair of jeans this morning......but this is the difference:
It's real! God has changed me, The pounds I'm losing now are not fake, they are not counterfeit! It's the real meal deal! The real fruit!!! Something I've been crying out for years! FRUIT THAT LASTS!

Whatever about the weight. I'm happy that I'm getting healthy, taking care of myself, for real, with no lies, no excuses.....

This is my update, tomorrow, I am posting part 4 of my bulimia story

And Just wanted to say thanks to all that are taking the time to read my story, to hear my struggles and are walking with me through this! I really appreciate you! ALL OF YOU! THANK YOU for being there.....blessings

My bulemia story Part 3

In part one, I already shared a bit of the transition between being a child into adolecense. By the time I was 12, the hole in my heart was open, raw and vulnerable to anyone willing to offer me any kind of "love". This means whether it was genuine or not, was not my concern at this point. And believe me, there were MANY opportunities to "recieve love". Most of my friends were in the exact same boat as I was! Looking for love, not having a clue what to look for. Finding acceptance in partying, rebelling, and giving yourself away became common. Food took a back seat in this season. There were SO MANY NEW THINGS TO FILL MY EMPTINESS!

These years and experiences brought much damage to the spirit God had given me. I became hard and calloused. The tenderness I had as a child was exchanged for strong walls and rebellion and a false sense of power in the choices I was making. I was decieved into thinking that I was becoming powerful, when really chains and shackles were being wrapped around me everyday I lived this way. Strong holds were taking root, deep root, along with major wounds being formed from the choices I was making.

But God.....met me in rehab! I will NEVER forget that day, rocking back and forth on my bed. I was going to be staying here for the next 3 months, with no family, no friends, just a whole ton of pain that would be set before me to work through. For the next 3 months, all I would be doing, would be facing the realities of how I got to this place......

Overwhelmed and scared out of my mind, I locked my door and sobbed. How was I going to recover from this mess I made? How would I mend the relationships I had severely broken? How could I dare face the REAL me? Who would I turn to? My family was 4 hours away, I had no real friends. Who did I have?
I had grown up going to church. I was told about God, knew about Jesus.....there was something in my spirit that knew HE was THE ANSWER..... I looked up in my little closet to see that my mom had packed me a bible. If He wouldn't answer me now, then all hope is truly lost..... The bible fell open to Psalm 121. It read:

I lift up my eyes to the hills— where does my help come from?

My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber;

indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.

The LORD watches over you—
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;

the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.

The LORD will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;

the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.

God became real to me in that very moment. He WAS taking care of me. He never fell asleep, He was ALWAYS watching over me. My hope was restored like a dark room filled with sunlight. He filled me with hope that I could be restored.....

A fun post.... DON'T FORGET TO READ MY REAL LIFE STORY OF BULEMIA BELOW. PARTS 1 AND 2!

DO YOU SNORE? NOT COMPARED TO JOE!!!!
LOVER OR A FIGHTER? Both! If I had to pick one, I'd say fighter, but not in the bad way, but fighting for good things!
WHAT'S YOUR WORST FEAR? I'm sitting here thinking.....God's been doing so much in my heart....I can't honesty think of one right now....ask me tomorrow!! haha
AS A KID, WERE YOU A LEGO BUILDER? Carebears....all the way!
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF "REALITY TV"? LOVE IT! X-weighted, last 10 pounds boot camp, till debt do us part, america's best dance crew, so you think you can dance, and of course, deal or no deal!!! to name a few
DO YOU CHEW ON YOUR STRAWS? totally! till you can't suck anything through them anymore
WERE YOU A CUTE BABY? what do you think???????? I totally think so!

HOW IS THE SINGLE LIFE FOR YOU? Single? what in the world is THAT word??? I've been with Joe since I was 16!!! That's coming on 14 years!!!
DO YOU SING IN THE SHOWER? No, but I pray. I love the shower, I think of how God washes us clean, and start everyday new.
HAVE YOU EVER BUNGEE JUMPED? No, I would have 5 years ago, but I think I got old....
ANY SECRET TALENTS? I can speed clean my WHOLE house in 35 minutes! WITH LOUD MUSIC!
WHAT'S YOUR IDEAL VACATION SPOT? ocean, water, lakes, water, streams, water, sun, water, hot, sun, water......
HAVE YOU EATEN SUSHI? YES!!!! the REAL kind! And I liked it!
DO YOU GIVE A DARN ABOUT THE OZONE? Yeah, but I wonder if we really do anything as a family to help it. We signed up with Curbside Recycling. So 70-80 percent of our stuff gets recycled.
HOW MANY LICKS DOES IT TAKE TO GET TO THE CENTER OF A TOOTSIE POP? I don't like TP's
CAN YOU SING THE ALPHABET BACKWARDS? Why would someone want to?
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON AN AIRPLANE? yes! My father in law is a pilot and he's taken up in his own airplane on the farm! I was a bit scared
ARE SPEEDO'S HOT? Are you nuts? GROSS!

WHAT'S YOUR STAND ON HUNTING? Meat is good to eat, let's eat meat!! it's good to eat!!!
IS MARRIAGE IN YOUR FUTURE? Till death do us part baby!
DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? I do!

WHAT ARE YOU ALLERGIC TO? Nothing

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAID, "I LOVE YOU"? This afternoon to my hubby
DO YOU CRY AT WEDDINGS? totally!
HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS? with hot salsa, onions, and on toast
ARE BLONDES DUMB? well, I'm smrt! so that must mean we aren't!
WHERE DOES THE OTHER SOCK END UP? In my house somewhere!I bet even YOUR socks end up here!!
WHAT TIME IS IT? Time to get off the puter!
DO YOU HAVE A NICKNAME? monkey face, babe, banana, thing one,
IS MCDONALD'S DISGUSTING? somedays...yes, somedays....no...MOST days....yes
DO YOU PREFER BATHS OR SHOWERS? Both
IS SANTA CLAUSE REAL? Did you know if you spelled santa a bit different its satan! EVIL!!! (just kidding!)
ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE DARK? NOT ANYMORE!!! totally used to be till a couple of years ago
WHAT ARE YOU ADDICTED TO? God, the bible and exersise!
CRUNCHY OR CREAMY PEANUT BUTTER? smooth, all the way may
HAVE YOU EVER RIDDEN IN AN AMBULANCE? I haven't.
HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU BRUSHED YOUR TEETH TODAY? one
IS DRUG FREE THE WAY TO BE? get high on GOD!!
ARE YOU WEARING SOCKS? it's minus 30! DUH!
HAVE YOU EVER HITCH HIKED? in the city, yes, if that counts.
WHEN'S THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? this afternoon when my friend morgan shed God's light on a problem! Thank you girlfriend!
DO YOU LIKE YOUR LIFE? I am blessed! Of course I do
ARE YOU PSYCHIC? no
HAVE YOU READ "CATCHER IN THE RYE"?no
DO YOU PLAY ANY INSTRUMENTS? no
CAN YOU SKATEBOARD? no
DO YOU LIKE CAMPING? no
DO U SNORT WHEN U LAUGH? no, if im having a laugh attack, maybe, then I probably would throw up.
DO YOU BELIEVE IN MAGIC? don't need to
IS A DOG A MAN'S BEST FRIEND?no
YOU BELIEVE IN DIVORCE? no
CAN YOU DO THE MOONWALK? no
WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? For supper, I had a romaine salad and lentil soup.
DO YOU WEAR NAILPOLISH? Not usually, but I am wearing hidious purple
DO YOU LIKE SOMEONE RIGHT NOW? yes, I like lots of people. Who in their right mind say "no"??
WHAT'S THE MOST ANNOYING TV COMMERCIAL? don't watch commercials
DO YOU SHOP AT AMERICAN EAGLE? no
FAVORITE BAND AT THE MOMENT? kj-52