You can read the first 3 parts:
Part one
Part two
Part three
As I began my walk with God for the first time in my life, He made himself more and more real everyday. Peace was flowing out of me! I was known as the "happy camper" in rehab. Alot of girls didn't even like me at Whitespruce because I was running after God and it showed! I would just burst into song out of nowhere! Songs of Jesus and His love for me. I would laugh, REALLY LAUGH!! For the first time in many years, I had joy! At my rehab graduation, my family drove 4 hours to be there. They told me it was the biggest, longest "marbling" they have ever had in the history of whitespruce! Usually graduation is held in a small group room, but they had to book the commons for mine! Everyone was crying, overwhelmed at how a messed up girl who was angry beyond all reason, could be transformed into being soft, peaceful and full of life.
I remember going around the "pod"(where we lived) and praying for all the girls, encouraging them, laughing with them and sharing Jesus with them. I truly became a different person after that night God met me through Psalm 121. Life was worth living!
These were the foundations my God was laying in my life that kept me going even through much pain that came later. He became a really daddy to me and a safe place. Unfortunately, I still was broken and needed healing. Being in a glass bubble in rehab was God's plan. It was His way to REACH me! This was His chance to speak to me and pour out His love with no distractions. Group consisted of 3 hours of talking through issues. We had treatment work to do every day. It was a place to till the soil, turn and feed the soil of the heart. A protective place to rest and feel safe while you healed.
This is where food comes back into the picture. Even though God was making miracles in my life, I still had very addictive patterns and, without realizing it, food came creeping back. We ate 6 times a day in rehab. I was so desperate for love and attention, that I felt that "if I am REALLY messed up, they will love me more" My roomate from Yellowknife had gained 60 pounds! can you believe that??? She started throwing up her food to deal with her weight gain. I thought it would get me more attention if I did that too. That's where I made the stupidest choice in my life! (well, one of them!) I purposely decided to become "bulimic" How stupid is that?
The time at whitespruce had come to an end. My term stay could only last 3 months. Then it was time to pack up and face the REAL MUSIC. Back to your stomping grounds, with the old people, that are still doing what they were doing when you left them. "Stealin' and drug dealin' ..... After rehab, I started at yet ANOTHER high school. (I've been to pretty much all the high schools in the city except the west side ones) I joined a christian prayer group to make NEW FRIENDS. Hopefully friends that weren't going to use you and are a mess themselves! That's where I met JOE!!!! GOD IS GOOD......
8 comments:
Hi Sarah!
I had found your blog once about a year ago when Monica and Jenn had been in touch with you, but haven't been here in a while. You are so transparent about your life! Thanks for sharing! I'm so glad that God has got you through so many challenges!
The short version of Josiah's eyes is that they were goopy from the time he was born which is apparently a family thing. The doctor decided to send us to the specialist (Dr. Erruguntla) and she was great. His eyes were pretty much infected all the time for 3 months before the surgery and were usually glued shut in the morning. The surgery was done under general which made me nervous, but the specialist said kids used to have tons of complications when they didn't use general. He woke up grouchy (probably because he hadn't eaten in hours), but was back to his normal self after a couple hours. I didn't like the idea of him going under general, but was also nervous about long term use of antibiotics. He was only away from me about 25 minutes.
A week ago I would have told you his eyes were perfect, but he got a cold this week and one eye is a bit goopy right now. I think (and pray) that this is just normal kid with a cold goop that will go away soon. Hope that helps! Let me know if you have more questions!
Thanks for sharing your struggles in your 4 part bulimia story. I had to go back a bit to pick up the story from the beginning. May God continue to bless you and your family.
I love the new pics, especially the one of the family. So beautiful. I hope you're going to continue with the story of meeting Joe. I know you gave us a hint.
I love the new look of the blog! And again thank you for sharing and being so real!
Love the way you are sticking to the truth even if it doesn't look too beautiful. How is it that we look uglyer when we try to make ourselves look nice. Love you much! Nel
Oh I can't wait to hear about you and Jo. When I was in bible school I was trying to overcome my anorexia and got together with two other girls who had eating disorders so we could keep each other accountable. It ended up being a competition as to who was still "sick". It wasn't much help.
yeah, I hear you there. For some stupid reason, having an eating disorder is "cool" nowadays. It's been a blessing to hear a bit of your story on the phone the other month. Thank you. It's nice to know that others have overcome. Then it gives you hope that you can do it with God's help.
I want to encourage you carebear and want to thank you for sharing with us and allowing us to walk with you on this journey. I may not relate to anorexia but would relate to the opposite of that! So in a way I can relate also! Thank you for trusting and I hope you will one day know what a tremendous blessing and encouragement you are to me!
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