My bulimia story part 5

part one
part two
part three
part four

Fresh out of a nice glass bubble, into the real world of old friends, a new school and a new heart. Hoping and trusting that God will provide new friends and strength for me to stay clean and sober. At my new high school, I heard about a christian prayer group that met at lunch. So I went. There, I met Joe. He also was on a mission to stay on the straight and narrow. He had strayed from God's path as well.
I wish that I could say that we both turned to the Lord and followed Him at this point, but we didn't. I was deperately trying to stay away from old contacts and not having a clue how to find my own self worth WITHOUT a guy in my life, I clung to Joe....until my first relapse.

I broke Joe's heart, over and over. He would come pick me up at parties and nurse me back to health hoping to hear that I would never do drugs again. Week after week of empty promises, he cracked. He broke up with me. He was gone. Here was someone that actually cared for me and I messed it up bad.

Alone once again, all I had were friends that weren't friends and a cheap high that didn't last. What was I doing??????

On November 16 1995, I got clean for good. Never touched another drug or another drink. I came to a place that I wanted freedom FOR ME, not for Joe, not for my parents, but for me. I had to let Joe go. Never knowing if he would come back. But in time, Joe saw that I was serious. He could tell that I was staying clean for me and not just trying to get him back.

Joe came back....

I guess this is kinda turning out to be my life story.......
That's okay. I am finding this very healing for me to reflect and see how far God has brought us.
It's kinda hard to only write about my food issues without sharing the rest. So many of the reasons I developed such a stronghold with food were the reasons I am writing about.

Continually choosing the wrong path causes a train wreck of consequences! I know that some of you out there may have not "dabbled" in drugs, or had premarital sex, and think that "your story" is "boring". May I ENCOURAGE you that you are SAVING YOURSELF A TON OF PAIN! You don't need to lay down in shit and roll around in it to testify that it stinks.
Everyone knows shit stinks.

I know that God wants to use my story to share God's forgiveness, God's healing and saving grace, Here I am almost 30 and have been wrapped up in such a mess, spending my youth trying to detangle myself out of satan's chains. That is NOT God's plan for His kids!!! I pray for those that are reading my story to say, "MAN! DON"T DO WHAT SHE DID!!!!!"
and that others that have messed up like me to say, "MAN! God CAN heal, and CAN deliver!!! IF there's hope for her, surely God's plans for me are for hope and for good!"


to come next......marriage, baby and alot of eating!