A runner's story

You learn a whole lot about yourself as a runner.....

Running in itself isn't just one foot in front of the other, or some mindless sport. Running is like a waffle, it has many different compartments. Each little square of it makes up a delicious treat.

Running brings out the best in me and the worst in me. But all in all, with God by my side, running along with me (when I invite him of course), God is using my running to change, shape and challenge me. I never would have dreamed in a million years that I would be doing what I do today. I read in a book once that when you take your first few steps as a runner, you really have no idea how historical those first steps really are until you have traveled some distance and look back at where you started.

Running for me can be defined as an outlet for many things. I run off steam if I'm stressed or upset. Or if I need some quiet time to just let my mind wander around and process my day, my feet will just go into auto pilot and my mind is able to destress. Sometimes I run with good intentions and sometimes not. As I get better and a bit faster, I am facing the challenge of the competitive nature that I didn't know I had! All of a sudden, I'm racing myself, to beat myself from the last run. I find myself more and more pushing the limits to see if I can go farther and go faster. The burn in my lungs that I get after a sprint has become a feeling that I love. Or the burn in my legs. I have to admit that the first time I finished my 5 km goal, I didn't even care that much. I was already thinking about the next course I wanted to conquer!

Human nature is so typical. The sinful part of us wants to live apart from God and be it's own god... the age old challenge....for me, it's a new challenge, only in a very different form that I'm not use to. I guess that's the way it goes no matter what journey God has you on. It's always a matter of making Him Lord over what you do.

I KNOW WITHOUT A DOUBT that He called me to be a runner. He placed this desire in me since I was a little girl. My one reoccuring dream that I used to have (and still do) is...me running endlessly....running without getting tired....without fainting..... Whenever we sing any song that refers to Isaiah 41 about those that wait on the Lord will run for miles and never get tired......MY SPIRIT wants to BURST!!!!! This is such a passion God has placed in me.

One of my dear mentors and spiritual mothers talked with me the other night. I told her, "I am such a different person, I don't even reconize myself!" She encouraged me and told me that God was going to use ALL OF IT. That through running, God will use the challenges to mold me on the potters wheel.....and that is my prayer.

So I run on. step after step. My running is a physical picture of a spiritual truth. It's about facing your giants, about running through pain, running through fear, learning to NOT run on your own strength, trusting God to provide the strength. It's about fighting the ugly pride that comes out when you do well, and about giving God the glory and thanks. And being open to allowing Him to use it all.

I am truly blessed and thankful that God has given me the strength to follow my dreams of becoming a runner. I know that these beginner miles are the first of many more to come......

What a great weekend!

The weather was beautiful
We spent all weekend as a family without running around all over
The girls and I painted my little planter in the front...we were covered in dark brown stain!
I bought 2 new hanging plants for my front yard
I put nice white rock in our window wells, nice touch instead of 3 foot weeds!

And most importantly, Joe and I think we have a simple plan to start building the playstructure!

What did you do this last weekend???

The firestarter has posted!

My hubby has finally written a new blog......It's on a much higher note....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SJF50kwwRJE

happenings around here

Noah and Isaiah's piano recital on June 1st. They did so good! Tanya Bargen is such a blessing (their teacher)
I took Jonah for a picnic lunch over her lunch hour at school. We went to the weir at the river and tied some good strings. She has chocolate all over her mouth from the coffee crisp chocolate drink she picked out! Here we are on the train bridge.
A morning with Daniel. While upstanding citizens, Chris and Nin were giving blood, Daniel came to hang out a couple of weeks ago. he's always such a riot. Here's them jumping on the bed. But don't tell my sis that I let him jump on the bed!
Isaiah's ballet recital. She did super awesome! She was so beautiful! Here's her photo for the year.
Our little ballerina
Mom and daughter, can't you tell?
Noah's birthday party. We got some icecream and put a sparkler in it. Isaiah and Faith were in charge of the decorating. They made this "table" to eat on. Noah is now the age Caleb was when he passed

Ever tried blowing out a sparkler?

I'm starting to talk like forrest gump

Forrest gump: "Well, I figured since I've run this far, I'd might as well, just keep going.... and then once I got there, I thought, since I got this far, I'd might as well just keep going....."

That was me last night. My regular run is now to 7/11 and back which is 3.3 km. But my body was telling me it wasn't done. So I just kept running.
I ran till my body said, I'm done. I didn't map out where I ran last night, so I had no idea how far I was going.
I came home, jumped in my van to measure the route.

I was 300 stinkin meters away from 5 km!
Being that I ran in the wind and rain....I'm pretty happy with that.
God met me on Whelan in a powerful way. His beauty just hit me and it was nice to have His presence right along side.

It was awesome! When I am able to see things through my father's eyes, I am so blessed and encouraged and loved! Walking this road to health and fitness has had it's physical, mental and spiritual battles....to say the least.

One of them was to see all the runner's doing the 10k, and 5k and just think that we aren't "real runners" we' re just "wannabes" BUT NO! Nin and I have poured our HEARTS out this WHOLE YEAR working, persevering, through rain, snow, sickness, discouragement, physical pain(and there's been lots of that!) schedules and time......we did it! It wasn't about running the "2KM" it was that we didn't give up and we will KEEP GOING! All our lives growing up, we were never active. we were the family that sat on the couch and ate junk food all day. If we did do anything active it was only cause we HAD to not EVER cause we WANTED to!

Next year, Nin and I will be running the 5 k and I believe that someday, I will run a marathon. The journey isn't over, and it doesn't end here...... And like I said, it's not about "the marathon" it's about God planting and watering seeds of love and encouragement into my spirit. It's about faith, trust and hope. When I really truly reflect on the whole thing.....it's so barely physical at all (even tho there are GREAT benefits to running!) I hope and pray that God is glorified by me not giving up. I NEVER in my wildest dreams would have thought that me and nin would be in a city run! Here are my little cheerleaders and my biggest fans!

update on the waldherr's

Me: Feeling smothered by extended family these days. doing well in our own little family, I just pray we can set up some clearer boundries with family so that we can grow and excel as our own little family. I shreaded my parents treadmill last night. I beat my time by 8 minutes making it a 20 minute run with a recovery of only 45 seconds! physically feel the best i've ever felt. Spiritually, God is faithful, and good...what more do I need? He recently gave me a "banner" through a spiritual mother saying "Approved by God' Allowing that to sink and soak in........ Looking forward to wrapping up the year, handing in my school reports and organizing and decluttering a few more rooms and closets.(Me and my super cool nephew.....He is such a card, a dude, my little man. love him so much!)

Joe: doing well, very proud of him. He's riding his bike to work. He's wrestling through lots of very good quesitons and God is faithful to answer him. I am just praying and asking God for help to be his helper. I see some growth and breakthroughs here. My prayer is that Joe and I would be a greater team, work together better and use our God given bents to serve him.....I see this happening. There's a perseverance in Joe that I admire.

Noah: Still Mr. Sanguine! He is growing and maturing. He's showing some good charachter. He's always been a struglle to raise just with how busy he is and how "all over the place" he can be. When I think of Noah's heart, right away, I melt. He is a good kid.

Isaiah: She's a constant. Her highs and lows are the most level of all of us. But lately, she seems to be struggling with the number of kids in this house. She thrives on one on one time, and she could use some right now. Her ballet recital is coming up and she's very much looking forward to it! So are we!

Faith: The order of the home. The justice. Growing up just isn't the phrase to describe her. The way she talks, plays, communicates with her siblings just blows us away! She truly has a special channel. I pray we can keep on the right path. There is such a strength in her! So mature for her age.......I ponder often what God will do with her life!

Elishah Pishah: Each week, her ability to communicate gets better and better. She plays barbies, dolls and puts her toys away now! I was reading in the paper this morning that in a couple of months, she will have as many as 50 words to say! They grow so fast! She's walking and doing alot of baby sign language. says, "please, all done, all gone, more, frog, bunny, baby, bye bye, hi (she'll actually say that), bottle, num nums....

the menu

This weekend, I felt I needed something to get me back on the eating track. I made a little menu for myself to stick on my fridge. It definetly has helped. If any one has any other healthy (mostly clean) ideas, please share them! Or if anyone has any thoughts on this menu, please share too!

Breakfast ideas:

Boiled egg and dry toast
Egg whites with broccoli and sprouts in a half a pita or dry toast
Omega 3 cereal (half a cup) with low fat milk
Oatmeal with berries on top and maple syrup (half a cup)
Piece of fruit and a boiled egg
Cream of wheat with berries and maple syrup

Lunch ideas:

Romaine lettuce chicken and a piece of dry toast
Deli meat (low fat) sandwich on bread or half a pita
Pita pizza (a pita split in half) :toppings-peppers, onions, feta, pizza sauce, pinapples, deli meat, chicken, mushrooms, bean sprouts)
Salmon sandwich or pita(half) with pickles, beets and fresh veggies
Tuna sandwich or pita with pickles, beets and fresh veggies
Clear broth soup with rice in it or noodles
Chili and a whole wheat bun
Egg salad sandwich or pita

Snack ideas:

Smoothie: yogurt, low fat milk, berries, mangos pinapples, cottage cheese
Cottage cheese combo
3 thin slices of low fat cheese on crackers with pickles and beets
A cup of shrimp with sauce and crackers
Half an egg and a half a piece of bread
Fresh veggies with cheese
A piece of fruit

Supper ideas:

Baked potato with chicken breast and veggies
Stirfry on brown rice
Greek salad and small piece of lasagna
Low fat meat and potato or rice or pasta
Fresh rolls(rice paper with rice noodles extras: cucumbers, shrimp, chicken, beef slivered carrots) and stirfry veggies
Pita pizza
Chili with ww bun
Chicken meat balls with rice or pasta
One burger
Stirfry toppings: shrimp, chicken, beef, bean sprouts, mushrooms, peppers, onions, cabbage, broccoli, hotsauce.

Joe's Staff BBQ

So last night was Joe's big company BBQ. I had a picture in my mind of the forestry farm, you hold out your bun on a styrofoam plate and they plop your slab of meat on when it's done. I pictured balloons, kids and a few games......

Well, the BBQ was actually:
-At the bessborough
-It was catered
-They brought in a huge tent
-And a live band called (the Road Hammers)
-They served free drinks (I had a nice glass of wine with my meal)
-We ate prime rib, exotic veggies and cornbread



I had a lot of fun. I got to meet the guys that Joe works with and meet some of their wives. Joe's company is an amazing company to work for. At Christmas, they gave each of my 4 kids a 20$ gift! they took all the staff and their kids to the fun factory for lazer tag, gave them those tokens to use on the games (I never let my kids play) for free! there was a "Santa Clause" and a free supper!

I thank God for giving us so much. We are so blessed that Joe works for such a great company. I love my hubby, I just had so much fun with him, what a blessing to be married to your best friend!

My hubby is now famous

yo, whassup?
Kj-52 with Joe

Love

everyone's looking for love

what it means
how to get it
how to give it
what it looks like
what true love is
what real love is
where it comes from

Jesus has been whispering this to me for days "Love one another as I have loved you"

He loves so differently than I do. My love is so conditional, it's so surface..... God loves so deeply, so faithfully......without limits, without fear or hesitation.

If you can't recieve God's love that FREE, than you are only writing blank cheques with no money in your bank account.......the cheques will end up bouncing, coming back "Insufficent funds"

God's love OVERFLOWS, SPRINGS UP and comes from His storehouse. God, Open my heart, help me to risk, help me to be vulnerable, to trust, to let you in so I may OVERFLOW and stop writing bad cheques......

So you think you can dance dance dance dance....

Watched the LA auditions last night! I love this show! I'm totally betting that twitch will make the show this year. Also there was a blonde that was so versatile! I bet she'll make the show too. I can't remember her name, but Dominque was in the crowd and was gaga over her, it was cute.

Then there was that FREAKILY good popper that came to get his ticket to vegas and made Nigel dance! Very funny.

Who was your favorite dancer last year?

I thought Sabra was the best! I'm glad she won! I wish Hok and Ricky would have stayed in a bit longer.

I AM: Wife, mother of 5 and 4 at the same time, a child of God, the bride of Christ, a runner, a homeschooler.....


I THINK: about summer coming and that gets me super excited!

I KNOW: Lots of things in my head and not enough things in my heart


I WANT: to be satisfied completely and totally in my God.


I HAVE: A wicked sunburn right now that's heating up the room I'm in


I WISH: I could accept my body the way it is and not always wish to change something about it.


I HATE: divorce. I've realized lately......I guess that would be hating what God hates....It's so sad to watch and hear about.


I MISS: Just being.....not having to try so hard


I FEAR: sometimes that I will never be renewed. It's a lie I'm fighting these days. I want to be changed so bad that it's sabotaging!


I WONDER: What it will be like to see Caleb again. Will he run to me? Will he tell me all that he wanted to while he was here?


I FEEL: SO UP AND DOWN! the last 4 days, I'm up one minute and then down the next....I hate that


I HEAR: NOTHING! and it's WONDERFUL! joe took the 3 oldest kids to the circus and Elishah is sleeping


I SMELL: the dirt, and fertilizer on my hands from doing yard work

I REGRET: Not being a better mom to Caleb

I AM NOT: Going to give up, no matter what. I will keep running towards the goal


I DANCE: ALL the time. and if I'm not dancing, I am probably wishing that I could be!



I SING: to my God....and He loves it

I CRY: ...hummmm, all the time who would have guessed?

I DON'T ALWAYS: show how I'm REALLY doing....and I wish I could


I MAKE: disciples everyday in my kids


I LOSE: my keys, wallet, appointment cards, and my brain sometimes to


I NEVER: clean my bathroom! (well, i DO, but I HATE IT)


I ALWAYS: aren't we NEVER supposed to use the words NEVER and ALWAYS?


I NEED: The Lord, nuff said


I SHOULD: get off this computer and finish the backyard!

I START: and sometimes finish

I CAN USUALLY BE FOUND: homeschooling my kids, with my hubby watching HIS show "myth busters" or my show "xweighted" running on the road, running on my parents treadmill, at the shaw center, with friends out for coffee, changing poopy bums, making meals, at my sister's, at my parents, at walmart, superstore, the dollar store, these days, in a garden center, on the phone, on the puter, doing stupid laundry......and very occasionally, cleaning a bathroom.

so much to do

Yard, fertilize grass
Garden, till, clean, empty compost, plant garden
4 loads of laundry to put away
a kitchen to clean
a whole house to vacuum
a van to clean out

Please God help me go through this day enJOYing every minute without getting stressed and overwhelmed.

New Kids are back!

I have to admit that I was a die hard NKOTB fan as a kid!
Had all their posters on my wall, you know, typical girl fan. After I went to their concert in grade 6, I screamed so long and so loud that I didn't have a voice for 3 days!!! Of course, when they went out of style, I still secretly liked them and would play my cassette tapes when no one was home!!! (BLUSH)

I know all their songs, all their dance moves, have all their albums....still on cassette.....

I would have to say that I'm kinda excited to hear they have reunited. Click here to go to their new website

And since I came out of the closet, who else is willing to face the truth that they ROCKED!
Who was your favorite new kid???? Jordan was my pick

back from my break

Joe went out of town for 5 days. It was a really good opportunity to recharge, rethink, recommit to everything. Before he left, we were so worn out by life. Now we both feel refreshed and ready to take on what God has for us. We had a beautiful weekend together as a family and feel that the Lord provided some new glue for us....

So, I am out in my yard today, Noah is doing is school work outside and I'm watering my grass, getting my garden ready for planting and enjoying my kids.

God I don't thank you enough for what you've given me. You have given me so much......forgiveness, salvation, victory, unconditional love and mercy, grace to sustain me, an awesome hubby, 5 beautiful children, a nice home, my health, wonderful extended family that knows you.....what more could I need?

Faith

scripture I'm meditating on right now, among others...

Faith is being sure of what you hope for and certain of what you can't see
Faith expresses itself through love
But by faith we eagerly await through the Spirit the righteousness for which we hope.
Continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.
Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

I'm in a strange spot of surrender/war. Everything in me is being shaken at this time. I go from hope to despair. From light to dark. I know that only one thing is constant in all of this....God. He's amazing. He walks me through this without leaving me. If it's light or dark, His love still penetrates.

Questions never stop coming. It's a sweet place, yet it gets ugly too. Definietly in the fire. Last night I swore my skin melted right off. But I hear a voice that says, "that's only the surface, my child"

Joe is out of town for 4 days. The cry of my heart is for God to reach through the pride, the flesh, the fear, the masks and can bring revelation, change and radical faith.......

I will be taking a blogging break for this next week. Pray for my family if you feel led. I will miss y'all!

A child of God? Or Caleb's mom? or bulimic?

What a journey. There's been so much going on in my spirit....it's been a tough go the last while.

After a big victory, I've honestly been trying to find my footing. The last 2 or 3 weeks, it's been gradually falling more and more apart on me.....my life that is...... God is good. He is faithful. I'm so grateful for who He is.

In church worship yesterday, I wept......just sat there and cried through the whole worship time. Crying out, "God, I just wanna lay down and give up. I'm tired, I'm weary, I'm beaten up and I am hurting so bad...." His presence fell on me in such a comforting way. I love that when He does that. It reminds me of when I was bullied as a child, and it seemed that I could never find a safe place. Sometimes, I would just sit in a bathroom stall and cry there all lunch hour. But I found my refuge. Dale Kary asked the church to testify, "WHY DO YOU WORSHIP GOD???"

Good question. Somedays, I worship Him because He's good, and just. Somedays, It's His overwhelming love that causes my to sing. Sometimes, it's because I SEE HIM working in the lives around me and I'm full of praise. Yesterday, He was my daddy. I just sat in His lap and cried.

I continue to place my identity in other things. And my daddy God continues to bring me back to who I am IN HIM. I am first a child of God. My friend Morgan shed even more light on things just the other day. As I've been walking out more of my grief of my son, I've been realizing that Caleb was what made me, me.....I found so much of myself being , "Caleb's mom" Now that he's gone, I've felt lost. It comes and goes, but lately, I've been feeling very lost. Morgan also said, (while she was up at 3 am with her baby) she was thinking of me. She realized that alot of my identity was in my eating disorder too....

2 of the greatest pieces of me have died in the last year. My 9 year old, disabled son. And my 12 year old addiction and disorder known as bulimia. I've always thought of myself as "bulimic" .... I've said so many times this year, "who am I?"... I've been asking God to root me firmer, deeper in HIM, so that when these life storms come, I am not shaken like I have been in this last year. God knows who I am, He tells me who I am. God, plant it......may I recieve it full measure. May I believe it just like a child.

Holy moment

was this a coincidence that I stumbled on to this long ago post?......
I think not.........

Click here to see what God spoke to me today, THROUGH MY OWN WORDS