My bulemia story Part 1

Where do I start?

I guess I'll start when I started throwing up. I was 12. I actually didn't purposely throw up my food at first. When i started drinking and hanging out with older people, my nerves would cause me to get sick. The rush of running away from home, the adrenaline from breaking all the rules would give me an upset stomach. My friends knew that I upchucked my food all the time. I became known for walking along the road with my buddies and spitting into the bushes. They didn't flinch about it, they just knew that's what I did.
By the time I was 13 and experimenting with all sorts of drugs, my vomitting got worse. I was known for never keeping down my booze or my drugs. It got me used to a regular life of vomiting.

Ending up in rehab at 15, I had nothing to ease the pain anymore. I returned to my original comfort....FOOD. Checking into rehab at 110 pounds and pale as a ghost, I checked out 3 months later at 140 with gaining 30 pounds! During my stay in rehab, I continued to cry for help. I thought that becoming a bulemic would get more attention (since I was a huge vacant vacuum looking for love in all the wrong places!) I found that throwing up on purpose was a huge release for me. If I was mad, sad, confused, it was a way to "get rid of the unwanted" I found comfort in something new....food AND throwing up.
Little did I know that this was a deadly combination for the next 18 years of my life! 18 years of bondage, helplessness and little to no hope.

This was the start of this journey. These were the years as I was still growing (ages 13-16) that I developed extremely damaging body image patterns. toxic thought patterns and behaviors.

But God......