My bulemia story Part 2

I've been pondering my story and "part one" I've realized very definitely that this isn't about my problem with throwing up my food...
This is the story of my addiction TO FOOD. It started LONG before I first threw up my food. It started as a child, in school.

Coming home after another day of teasing and "girl abuse", there was only one thing that could make me feel better.....a big yummy snack. These were the years that developed a strong EMOTIONAL tie to food. I was solidifying pain and hurt with consoling myself with rich tastes on my tongue. I often ran into a problem. My stomach could only handle so much volume. If I wasn't emotionally done eating, my stomach was! So I remember feeling even more empty after my snacks. There was no more room to eat, so I developed strange eating habits, like licking a handful of parmasan cheese, just to keep tastes washing over my tongue. Spoonfuls of peanut butter, even munching on uncooked spaghetti sticks! As long as my mouth was happy, I was "somewhat happy".

Before I started running away from home and experimenting with drugs, food was it. I was 8,9 10 years old and going to open the fridge every few minutes. Looking at the same things on the shelves, hoping there will somthing else there to satisfy me. Opening the cupboards over and over only to find that it hasn't changed since 5 minutes ago.

When I would go for sleepovers, I would wonder why my other friends didn't care about the snack foods. The bowls of chips would just sit there, untouched....when that was all I could think about. Having some social skills, I knew that to obsess over the snacks in front of them would set me apart. I remember sleeping over at my good friend Morgan's house and I would often stay for supper. Her normal family would serve ONE pizza for the whole family!!!!!!! Morgan would pleasantly eat her one piece...sometimes two and then peaceful and satsified would leave the table. It was gut wrenching having to pretend that one or two pieces were enough for me! I was still STARVING!!!! All I would think about is the movie snack that would be coming in a few hours. The big famous brown bowl of popcorn!!!

One time, when I was around 10, we stayed at my parents friends in Edmonton. They were our pastors and had been key influences in my parents lives. I stayed with them for about a week. On my last day, I was horrified and totally embarrased to have been caught with about a dozen fudge bar wrappers under my bed! Every night in the middle of the night, I would sneak into their freezer and take 2 sometimes 3 ice cream fudge bars and eat them and stuff the wrapper under my bed. This habit of eating in the middle of the night was formed for a couple of years already, I had trained my body to need regular sugar highs every few hours!!! My body was very addicted to sugar.

Surprisingly, I actually never had a weight problem as a child. I was average build and still quite active. My weight didn't actually become a problem until I had my first child.

BUT GOD.... was there through it all. An encouraging word given to me, "It is the Lord that builds our testimony"
This story WILL bring glory and honor to God. This is for Him, I will choose to use my story to help others in the same painful bondage......