I have been struggling. I had a complete meltdown this week. for 3 days, i was either crying or feeling totally out of it.
It all started when I stepped on that blasted scale....I hate that thing! I had committed myself to staying on track with my diet (which is my downfall) I am pretty consistent with my workouts, just becuase i love to do them so much. I cut down on my carbs a bit, snacking after supper and had a couple of protein shakes to compliment my new strength training I had added a couple of months ago....everything was looking up....i was going to shed another chunk of body fat......or so I thought.
Nothing! Of course giving up and eating anything and everything wasn't the answer. Waiting is so not easy! It's like as if 2 weeks was SO HARD...??? Man, my flesh is so impatient! We are so trained by society to not wait for anything. Put things on credit, go on crash diets, work out for only a couple of weeks only to give up because nothing is working......
I am at a place after the last week, where God has brought ONCE AGAIN back to the place of letting it all go.
He has again revealed to me how much I want control of my life. There are many things in my heart that needed correcting. First off, I'm chasing after the wrong thing. I loved a message that I heard that Wayne spoke on waiting in faith. It just brought me right back to the original dream, the original picture, vision and heart. Wayne LOVES TO WORSHIP! He loves guitars.....he loves the fact that he can use the guitars he loves to worship the God he loves! But after travelling down a path of impatience, he found himself worshipping the object and losing the heart of worship! He was shopping for the "perfect guitar" and forgot that it was just an object to worship WITH! I want to glorify God! As He leads me down the road of fitness and health, I want my body to be a tool for Him! I want my physical body to come into balance as he calls us to balance. I want to obey him as he leads me down the path of spiritual fruit. The life of self control and peace, and one of patience in waiting in the Lord. I want to run into MY STRONG TOWER. I want every time I put one foot in front of the other on each and everyone of my runs to be in worship and reverence to the Lord.
How did I get so side tracked? Stepping on that stupid scale. thinking that the goal is x weight, and x percent body fat. and x inches, and x size and x km, and x how much I can do in my own stupid strength! BUt the goal is HIM, to be in His presence! To live a life of love just for Him! The prize is the bridegroom! the prize is JESUS!
I was crying to Joe sulking at the lack of inches lost and the lack of weight lost.....and he said, "why are you doing this? to obey or to get a body that's wasting away?" I just kept crying because I have 2 choice at this point. Turn from my sin of impatience, and unbelief, repent and keep going on the road God has set for me? Or give up? Sheesh, I cried because Of COURSE I"M NOT GOING TO GIVE UP!
Tonight is my running night and i don't even feel like going. I need you God>......God, please bring me right to the place where my heart is changed, where mercies are renewed and I can soar like eagles. Bring to that place where I can run and not grow weary and walk and not faint...... I will not refuse, I will not delay.....
6 comments:
keep pressing on sarah! during times of struggles it's sometimes hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel...but it's THERE! i promise!! may Jesus go with you...
I have been reading a book based on worship, and on thing the author of this book said is to worship through everything. Praising God in all circumstances. Pressing through our flesh so that we can come before God. God is taking you through something so personal, and he desires you to come to the threshing floor, into his presents. So that he can complete his good work in you.
Take heart, with every valley there is a mountain top.
Blessings,
R
Oddly enough reading this post motivated me to go for a bike ride tonight. I totally can relate to this post. I have been eating right (mostly) and excersizing (sometimes) and the weight has not come off. (I just judge by the way my clothes fit; I don't own a weigh scale). Yes it is frustrating, I try to tell myself I will see results. But thanks for reminding me it's all about glorifying God and not the other stuff.
You my dear are so raw and real. It's refreshing as so many people refuse to be honest with others and let alone themselves.
The other day I noticed pics on your sister's blog and I thought, "wow, Sarah is sure looking good these days." Work out to maintain balance and be healthy but a body that is wasting away is not healthy. Love ya.
Thanks so much for all the awesome comments! Kamelle, that's awesome that you went for a bike ride!
Thanks rebekah for those words. you are right, to stay focused on the right thing.
R, Living life in worship.....ahhhh, that's what i want!!!!!!! But your right, that is only true worship when it's through all the valleys and mountains that make it real and honest. I am holding on to the mountain top coming soon....
and the light at the end of the tunnel..... this is when the character is built.
Just remember loosing fat is a bit different then loosing weight. I'm certain that you are doing well where it matters and the scale will show some down the road, but internally things are going much different then what the scale might show. I was talking with my Fiancé and what she does (as she and myself are also trying to trim the fat) is the measure inches where you want to loose. Also if you want to measure actual fat content try vernier calipers. It's a big special clamp that measures fat by pinching your skin. It measures your body fat percentage. Don't worry and let God manage that. God bless you on your journey.
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