I did it. I weighed myself again. It's a hard balance between staying accountable and being aware vs. being totally focused on the number the scale says and letting that be your happy meter.
To be honest, I am glad that I weighed myself this morning. Walking this road with a heart of honor to the Lord and having your one desire is to glorify him in all I do, is very hard. But at least now I feel that I am walking TOWARDS the cross and not my own way anymore. Weighing myself is just another test of my heart's attitudes.
I am up 8 pounds! It's amazing to see my flesh jump right in and try to "fix" it.
-"I'm going to start counting again.....it worked before, it can work again"
-"I'm going to cut out more carbs....I know it's worked before, it can work again"
-"I'm going to up my workouts from running 3 times a week to 5, I'm going to increase my cardio...."
All these thoughts wandering my flesh makes me sick. The law never brings freedom. As I am gently guided towards not 'fixing it' and trusting Him by living life by the spirit of life, I realign my heart. I've been thinking of back when I didn't do a THING about my weight or health. All the struggles that I'm facing now-were not a part of my life back then. It was like ignorance was bliss.....but not really.
God loves me enough to challenge me to keep going. I know that if my old me 4 years ago would meet the new me of today, I would have considered myself a shallow person going after dumb things. In my "old head" I would have thought this would be such a waste of time. I can hear the 'old me' talking to me now, "who cares??? It's just a body! Start paying attention to things that really matter!!!" But this really DOES matter. This is harder on my character than anything I've had to go through!!
It reveals yuck in me that needs the Lord, yet, He nudges me to keep pressing through, to not give up. His heart for me is to find balance and freedom along with great health and a strong body to serve Him better. Being His hands and feet isn't just a "spiritual thing" it's a get your hands and get dirty thing. It's physically being there for the needy. It's physically being there for your kids as you mold them. It's living a life of self control and life through the spirit. Being aware of my weight gain is an opportunity to lay down my hopes and dreams once again and let Him lead me. Not to gather up all my human strength and try to fix it.
I don't want to be ignorant, but held accountable To repent of eating without self control. Lean not on my understanding and acknowledge Him.....He will make my path straight again.....
10 comments:
i really really really like this post. the honesty hits the nail on the head. this describes most of us, if we can admit it. totally!
flesh: "i'll try this, i'll try that, i just need to this, i just need to do that..... maybe if i could just "insert good work here" then i'd "get it, then i'd be there"
it's all about Him, it's all about making Him Lord.... everything else is for nothing, in vain, that will not produce fruit. you might think, well, if i do it this way, i WILL lose weight, and thats fruit right? no it's not, not if its not accompanied with REAL fruit, self control in our eating and excersize....patience to see our hopes and dreams come true, patience that He will finish the work, that its never a quick fix.....love, for ourselves, and others.......peace....
man, i like this post.
i once was lost, but now i'm found, i've got my feet, on solid GROUND!!
THANK YOU LORD!
MAKE IT HAPEEEEEENNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!
haha, good times.
IF YOU BELIEVE WITHIN YOUR SOUL JUST HOLD ON TIGHT AND DON'T LET GO OO O O
YOU CAN MAKE IT.....
MAKE IT HAPAAAAAAAAAAAAAN
YEA YEA YEA
MAKE IT HAPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN
gonna make it
gonna make it
MAKE IT HAPPAAAAAAAAN
I DON'T UUUUUUNDERSTAAAAAAAAND......
why you GOTTA BEEEEEE
why do you need to be.....
so o oo cold sooooo
SOOOOOOOO COOOOOLLLLLLDDDDDDD.
(super high pitched scream here)
(PLAY PIANO HERE)
UH......YEA....UH OOOOAAAAAYEA.A
all while going 35 km an hour down steeves and around the block so that we can finish the song......haha
with a car trailing my bumper....I was wondering why she was so close, until I saw my spedometer!!! LOL
LOLOLOLOL
I saw that car before you did, but I didn't say anything cuz I was too in the mood.
MAKE IT HAPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
not more then three short years ago i was abandoned and alone without a penny to my name so very young and so afraid without proper shoes upon my feet sometimes i could'nt even eat! i often cried myself to sleep, still i had to keep on goin...
never knowin...
anyways.
i bet that person could see us....
i wish i was in that car for a second or two.
or three,
as in years.
as in three short years ago
here, I was all excited to see all these comments and it's just us fooling around in the comment box!!
Yeah, next time, we'll have to bring barenaked ladies and sing 'box set'!
#9 baby
I am still trying to understand the four legs of the table. Does your weight really connect to the spiritual? And the house work and the marriage really inter relate? I feel like mentally I was here all summer, physically my motor was on full speed. I just want to have Christ as my guide and have the fruit.
there was a mistake in the last mentally I am not here. about being a mom I was okay but I couldnt think for my self I had very little time for God. I just don't really understand that the number on the scale says you are loosing it spiritually. Could you be saying that fat people are less spiritual then you?
God made us as physical, emotional, sexual and spiritual beings. Each one is equally important. they all connect to each other. This journey that God has called me on has been a long story. It started back when I tried on a spiritual dress (A dress that I wore for one of the concert of the hearts) I danced a song about no condemnation...then a couple of years went by after the concert and I decided to try on the dress for fun. IT DIDNT" FIT! I couldn't even get into it!
God spoke to me in that moment and that's when my journey to loose weight and become healthy really began for me. I realized that my 5'2 210 pound frame didn't really speak of God's fruit of self control and trusting in him....but my body spoke of gluttony and a lack of self control. My life was in bondage! I was a slave to my fridge! A slave to food! And it showed! I'm not making any judgements on anyone else at all....this is my walk. And when God led me to become healthy and free of bondage, I want to follow.
Of course, I'm hitting many many bumps along the way. I'm dealing with my pride, selfishness, distractions and learning to believe that I am a new creation, no longer a slave to the sin of gluttony.
Overcoming my eating disorder was a huge part of this journey. Now I have to take responsibility for my weight gain instead of using the quick fix of binge eating and purging.....which is EXTREME BONDAGE!
I'm not saying that if you have a weight problem, that you are not spiritual. I am always, always encouraged by you colleen! I am always in awe of God's living spirit in you. Whenever I am with you, I am blessed. I know that you struggle with weight. That doesn't mean for a second that you don't love God! Everyone that knows you...knows you LOVE HIM WITH ALL YOUR HEART!!!! When God chooses, if He chooses to lead you down a path that will guide you to become more healthy, you will be ready. Just be open to listening.
The 4 parts of us and I've been walking (trying to walk it) for about a year now, are very important. To take care of our physical bodies is God's will too. The natural consequences of extra weight aren't good. We all know that good nutrition and exersise is good for the heart and gives you more energy. We know that poor nutrition and a lack of exersise leads to heart attacks, high cholesterol, diabeties and a whole bunch of nasty stuff.
I'm coming to realize that to have the physical part (ONLY ONE OF FOUR) as part of my life, I find more peace, more energy for the kids, hubby, family (emotional)
I have more confidence with joe (sexual) and taking care of the body God gave me in obedience to Him, obedience brings freedom (spiritual)
They are all connected. I hope this makes sense. Please, if you have any more questions, please ask. We could do a coffee too. Love you so much, you are so special and God has so many great things for your life and your family!
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