When I wrote my last post, I was excited to walk the road of suffering.....must have been on crack! I know that the pruning and burning of the spirit is a good place to be....I knew that God's glory would be revealed.
Well, this week I've been praying more about this laying down my kids. I talked to Joe about it as well. I totally understand why God picked this. He is genuis when it comes to what He picks. He knows right where "that spot" is! And this would be it for me! Before I go on explaining, I just want everyone to know that this is my heart and I don't want to offend anyone! These are MY fears and do not place them on anyone else. I am not writting this to cause division, but to share the journey of suffering he is leading me on. Please if you comment, I don't want this to be a "to homeschool or to not" debate. This isn't the issue. Thanks:)
God gave me the story of Issac by no mistake. To get right to the point, to put my kids in the system would be to me like raising a knife to their hearts ready to kill them! Many of you will not understand what's going on or why I would feel that. But God knows. The thought of enrolling my little Noah into school scares me like you wouldn't imagine! I am realizing that me homeschooling is my way of controlling, my way of nursing my fears. It was soooo hard to comment to all your comments yesterday. I would type something and then delete, type and then delete. To die would be to have no opinion. Even now I want to defend my case.
The place that God wants in my heart is this....to come to the place where I am at total peace with putting my kids in school if He told me to. I need to come to the place where I am ready to walk down the street, and physically enroll him for Grade one if God said, "Do it". I am so not there.
So here I am, starting to walk the talk....Harder than I thought. I keep telling myself, "I will raise in 3 days, I will raise in 3 days..."
Love you all my family, I know you will walk with me and point me to the One that will guide my steps.
5 comments:
Care Bear,
I pray that you will have peace in whatever decision you make. It must be a hard one to make. The Lord will guide you and prepare you for whatever is to happen.
Take care, Tanya
Thanks Tanya! So, who are you and where are you from? God used you yesterday in all you said. Be blessed!
HI,
I'm Tanya Juneau (I had posted a comment on Carol's blog a while back). I know of Carol and her late husband, and Leighton as well. I can't say that we were ever friends, but I know them through school, etc. I don't really remember how I found her blog, but found yours through hers. So I read them, just to see how others live their lives, their thoughts, etc. I used to live in Stoon up until last fall. My husband took a job out here in Terrace, BC. So I'm out here, I still don't know alot of people, still trying to find a church family that we truly fit into and still trying to make this place our home. My whole family (parents and one sister) still live in Stoon. So I miss them dearly.
We used to attend West Portal. So thats who I am in a nutshell. I also have two children, Sydney and Rowyn. Sydney is going into grade three. She goes to public school, but there are alot of home schoolers out here, as well as a christian school. Every one of them has positives and negatives that go along with them, but for us, public was the way to go. But I do support the others as well.
Anyways I'm glad that I didn't offend you in what I said yesterday. It sounds like you have a real battle going on inside of you, and I really pray that you will find peace in whatever you decide.
On another note, you look so familiar to me, I'm sure I've seen you around, probably at a church function or something.
I just hope that you don't mind me reading your blogs, its nice to see how close you are with God and how you express your love towards Him. I myself have never been one to easily express myself when it comes to Him, but I'm learning.
Take care and I hope that helped you find out a little bit more about me.
Tanya
Wow, thanks for telling me who you are! I feel blessed to have you coming to my blog! You should start your own. God speaks through all of us through all our journey's. I'm sure we would be encouraged to read your journey as well. I just went to Carol's bridal shower last night. It was amazing to see God's faithfulness and provision! God is good, all the time, through all our sufferings and sunny days.
I was reading what you wrote about finding a church family. I am grieved for you, because I totally know what's it's like to "wander". Joe and I searched and searched, until God planted us right into Hope Fellowship. What we've learned in our church and on our "church shopping" journey is that God has a home for you. And when you find it, plant yourselves, stay there, be commited and married to the purposes of that body. We can't choose our earthly family, and they won't be going anywhere. So it is the same with our church family. I used to have the attitude that church was for me, and that it was there to meet my needs. North American church is so backwards. We are here to serve! To give our lives. Jesus said give and you will recieve. So I pray that you will keep that in mind when you are "looking". Instead of having the thoughts like, "I need this in sunday school for my kids, I need a good preacher, I need a church that fits into our schedule...." yada yada... You may not even have this attitude, you may know what I'm saying. I've just walked that journey, and wanted to share what I've learned. As you can see I'm very long winded. Maybe see your new blog soon??? ;);)
Come to my blog anytime you want! I enjoy visitors. Blessings to you and your family!
on the web....i think I typed "worship" on google images.
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