Going back to the law or live by the spirit

I did it. I weighed myself again. It's a hard balance between staying accountable and being aware vs. being totally focused on the number the scale says and letting that be your happy meter.

To be honest, I am glad that I weighed myself this morning. Walking this road with a heart of honor to the Lord and having your one desire is to glorify him in all I do, is very hard. But at least now I feel that I am walking TOWARDS the cross and not my own way anymore. Weighing myself is just another test of my heart's attitudes.

I am up 8 pounds! It's amazing to see my flesh jump right in and try to "fix" it.

-"I'm going to start counting again.....it worked before, it can work again"
-"I'm going to cut out more carbs....I know it's worked before, it can work again"
-"I'm going to up my workouts from running 3 times a week to 5, I'm going to increase my cardio...."

All these thoughts wandering my flesh makes me sick. The law never brings freedom. As I am gently guided towards not 'fixing it' and trusting Him by living life by the spirit of life, I realign my heart. I've been thinking of back when I didn't do a THING about my weight or health. All the struggles that I'm facing now-were not a part of my life back then. It was like ignorance was bliss.....but not really.

God loves me enough to challenge me to keep going. I know that if my old me 4 years ago would meet the new me of today, I would have considered myself a shallow person going after dumb things. In my "old head" I would have thought this would be such a waste of time. I can hear the 'old me' talking to me now, "who cares??? It's just a body! Start paying attention to things that really matter!!!" But this really DOES matter. This is harder on my character than anything I've had to go through!!

It reveals yuck in me that needs the Lord, yet, He nudges me to keep pressing through, to not give up. His heart for me is to find balance and freedom along with great health and a strong body to serve Him better. Being His hands and feet isn't just a "spiritual thing" it's a get your hands and get dirty thing. It's physically being there for the needy. It's physically being there for your kids as you mold them. It's living a life of self control and life through the spirit. Being aware of my weight gain is an opportunity to lay down my hopes and dreams once again and let Him lead me. Not to gather up all my human strength and try to fix it.

I don't want to be ignorant, but held accountable To repent of eating without self control. Lean not on my understanding and acknowledge Him.....He will make my path straight again.....

1000 blessings (26-36) AND A VIDEO AT THE END YOU HAVE TO SEE!!

26. My best sister. Thank you God for giving her to me as a sister. She's my friend, my blood, my laugh attack buddy, a source of wisdom, someone I look up to, and just an awesome gift!

27. The new river landing! We live in such a beautiful city. We went out there last week with my cousin Gord and Nin and her kids.

28. My sister's boyfriend, Eugene. He is such a caring, loving man. The kids absolutly adore him and SO DO I!!!! He has taken my sis on a MUCH DESERVED vacation. God bless this couple!


29. God's fireworks last night! Joe and I got to see a funnel/tornado last night. It was so cool! It didn't touch down, but it was half way down the sky. It dissipated just as I called my sis to tell her.




30. Here is a baby duck or goose that we found in our other window well on the same day that Noah flooded the basement. We took him to the zoo. They told us that he was only a couple of days old! They are caring for it and will let us know when it will get launched onto the pond! Thank you God for giving us an opportunity to learn and care for your creation!






31. The birthday BBQ was AWESOME! here is a clip of the highlight of the night! It turned on the women and children as Chris had secretly planned the men's backfire! He filled up a whole basket before the party and brought them out at just the right time!
NO ONE WAS SAFE! Not even Joe's 86 year old Grandma! We were all hit, even the kids!



32. I love the men in our family! They were such good sports...of course, they knew all along that they had their plan perfectly sealed and ready! From left to right : Joe, uncle Denis, my dad, Chris and Tom. Eugene was there too, I'm not sure where he is right now.33. I am so thankful for my uncle Tom. We even got him doing the hula!!! Now that was awesome. He LOVES all our kids, they are like his own grandkids. My auntie and him don't have any grandkids, so they "borrow" ours. What a blessing! Check out my uncle John in the big sombraro hat!! LOL

34. The family was hootin and hollerin as grandma bonnie and uncle Denis raced with eggs on their spoons in funny shoes. Check out my mom in the background!!! LOL

35. The after math of the fight as everyone's discussing their battle scars.
36. Joe's hobby has had it's ups and downs. I've honestly had a love hate relationship with it. Over the years, I've grown to like these fast little cars. Joe started his hobby about 8 years ago and in that time, he's found good balance and the fun of the sport. I'm thankful that God uses these things to stretch us and that he's used it as an opportunity for us to grow closer.

1000 blessings list (15-25)

15. A calm summer morning with the smell of my flowers in my backyard with my cup of coffee and a whole new day ahead of me.

16. My baby's new word, "pee pee" when I change her diaper, she pats herself and says,'pee pee'

17. My nephew's new word, "DVD" I could watch him all day and smile

18. thankful that the BBQ is finally here! tomorrow our family will be here fighting with water balloons, relay races and eating summer treats!

19. I'm thankful that I no longer throw up my food. I should take the time each day that thank God for delivering me from that. I cried for so many years for that to be gone and now, on Aug 5 it will be 6 months!

20. That my baby knows and obeys the command, "come" it all starts from these simple commands of obedience.

21. My neighbour across the street spotted my baby on the road and she probably saved her life because as I was going after her, she was on her way on the road just as a car was coming...

22. two fifteen year old boys called me today to tell me that they found all of joe's ID in a ditch by the city dump! I am so thankful that they called us! Now we don't have to replace all our cards and we know now what exactly happened with my purse!

23. Thankful that the thieves didn't take our credit cards and were only looking for cash.

24. LOL....thankful ironically that we don't have anything to steal!!! LOL

25. Thankful that the thieves are loved by God just as much as He loves me. And that just like the thief on the cross next to Jesus was saved that very day, there is hope for everyone...

1000 blessings

7. My 7 year old daughter eagerly cleaning the bathroom. washing the floor with the swiffer mop, windexing the mirror and taps and even cleaning the toilet!

8. My 15 month old sitting quitely playing the nintendo DS...well, she 'thinks' she's playing....

9. My rug and underlay successfully dried after the flooding from my sanguine son.

10. Paul Wilbur's heart of worship and the sweet offerings that come from his music.

11. Sweat dripping down my face and back while running on my the treadmill. How God created our bodies to detoxify.

12. God's natural highs called endorphins

13. Listening to "I'm gonna fly" by Amy Grant as my cool down song, reflecting on all the things God has planned for my life.

14. My kids (and Jonah) playing out in the backyard on our new play structure! THAT THING IS SUCH A BLESSING!

1000 blessings list

Flowerlady has been building her list of things to be thankful for. I've been reading it faithfully since it started. Between her, and my friend Nelda, God has broken through my heart this morning! it feels so free to have your focus back to where it needs to be! I've decided to help my heart stay close to the Father, I will start my 1000 blessings list as well. Thanks Lani and Nelda for being faithful in sharing God's love and peace.

1. sitting with my two youngest girls in the kitchen as they gently feed our guinea pigs and my baby learning a new word, "nice" as she pets one of them.

2. Enjoying the old amy grant CD. Enjoying soaking up the heart of being yourself, being real and being loved.

3. Coffee and french vanilla creamer in my favorite pink mug that says, "believe"

4. To know that there are new mercies every morning and newness always available for us to be washed clean.

5. My hubby. Who is calm, relaxed, steady and a constant in our home. One who calmly handled a flooded basement that my son accidently turned on the wrong hose for 3 hours!

6. Lani and Nelda who have been modelling their love for Jesus. God has used the two of you in my life these last few days.

on to better things

i don't like leaving such a hard post like the last one up, so i thought I'd give a little update.

Moods are calmer, but God is doing somethings that are deep and painful. he's revealing stuff that needs correction, healing and attention. So it's all good, as long as I trust and obey (there is no other way to happy in Jesus.......)

I've been having this WICKED heartburn! for the last month. my doctor gave me these samples called nexium. at first i wasn't going to take them becuase there were 3 pages of side effects! But it kept getting worse and worse. i couldn't breathe, it was really affecting my life...it still is. I have to tuck myself into "bed" on my couch with pillows sitting up! and sleep that way! Even in the morning I wake up with such burning pain and there's nothing in my stomach (accept acid of course!)
I am still clean from my bulimia. It has been 5 and a half months. (ML, I'm holding on to that)
I guess it was about time for me to reap the consequences of throwing up my food for 18 years!!! I just didn't think it would happen AFTER I stopped. I know it's not your "normal" heartburn. I must have done some serious damage to my insides!

Summer is always hard for me with the lack of schedule. to find the balance from work and holidays. In order to enjoy the paddling pools and parks, your work has to be done. I do notice that each summer gets better and better, which is encouraging. There's just so much more peace with order than there is with chaos and that is the motivation that drives me. plus there is twice the work! the grass the garden, the flowers and yard....

How's everyone summer? does any stay at home moms struggle with this balance?



Here is a pic of the new play structure that joe and chris built!! the kids have been really enjoying it! At this point there are no swings on it yet, but I'll get another picture of our new back yard up in the next few days. I love my yard!

Grief or exuses?

So up and down. I actually took a pregnancy test yesterday! I felt sick yesterday morning and I do this morning again. The test said negative, but what is with me? It's hard, becuase I can't pin point anything it seems.

Yesterday, Noah's camp called and said that he had a fever and he needed someone to come and get him. On the way there to get him, I was totally overcome by guilt. I felt so guilty for sending him to camp (even tho he was fine in the morning) I realized that it reminded me subconciously of when Caleb got sick and the school called me to come and get him. This morning, I did send Noah to camp again, but he had one dose of advil last night and the fever never did come back. I really felt scared to do that.....

I feel stupid for always pointing my mood swings to a wave a grief, but I'm just so jumbled inside. There's so much of Caleb these last two weeks.

My sister sang his song last Friday.....total meltdown.....it was beautiful....

Went to his grave on Sunday night with the family.....my sister in law drew a picture of Caleb that was better than a photograph.....the details were AMAZING......meltdown.....

I've found someone in blogger land that had a daughter that passed away 3 months ago with CP, we've been emailing back and forth about grief and memories......writing the emails have really made me emotional.....

My really good friend, steph, has a daughter with CP. Her name is Sophie. She is 6 years old. She learned how to walk this last week. She's been saying new words everyday. I've been spending lots of time with her the last couple of weeks. I'm so happy for her! SO HAPPY for all of them.....is it evil, cruel, selfish of me to be jealous?


I hate grief. It makes me look like fool. I can't hold it together. I feel like a freak.
Maybe it's not grief, maybe I'm just fabricating all of this up, as an exuse to be a freak.....

All suface stuff, what's underneath???

I have been struggling. I had a complete meltdown this week. for 3 days, i was either crying or feeling totally out of it.

It all started when I stepped on that blasted scale....I hate that thing! I had committed myself to staying on track with my diet (which is my downfall) I am pretty consistent with my workouts, just becuase i love to do them so much. I cut down on my carbs a bit, snacking after supper and had a couple of protein shakes to compliment my new strength training I had added a couple of months ago....everything was looking up....i was going to shed another chunk of body fat......or so I thought.

Nothing! Of course giving up and eating anything and everything wasn't the answer. Waiting is so not easy! It's like as if 2 weeks was SO HARD...??? Man, my flesh is so impatient! We are so trained by society to not wait for anything. Put things on credit, go on crash diets, work out for only a couple of weeks only to give up because nothing is working......

I am at a place after the last week, where God has brought ONCE AGAIN back to the place of letting it all go. He has again revealed to me how much I want control of my life. There are many things in my heart that needed correcting. First off, I'm chasing after the wrong thing. I loved a message that I heard that Wayne spoke on waiting in faith. It just brought me right back to the original dream, the original picture, vision and heart.

Wayne LOVES TO WORSHIP! He loves guitars.....he loves the fact that he can use the guitars he loves to worship the God he loves! But after travelling down a path of impatience, he found himself worshipping the object and losing the heart of worship! He was shopping for the "perfect guitar" and forgot that it was just an object to worship WITH! I want to glorify God! As He leads me down the road of fitness and health, I want my body to be a tool for Him! I want my physical body to come into balance as he calls us to balance. I want to obey him as he leads me down the path of spiritual fruit. The life of self control and peace, and one of patience in waiting in the Lord. I want to run into MY STRONG TOWER. I want every time I put one foot in front of the other on each and everyone of my runs to be in worship and reverence to the Lord.

How did I get so side tracked? Stepping on that stupid scale. thinking that the goal is x weight, and x percent body fat. and x inches, and x size and x km, and x how much I can do in my own stupid strength! BUt the goal is HIM, to be in His presence! To live a life of love just for Him! The prize is the bridegroom! the prize is JESUS!

I was crying to Joe sulking at the lack of inches lost and the lack of weight lost.....and he said, "why are you doing this? to obey or to get a body that's wasting away?" I just kept crying because I have 2 choice at this point. Turn from my sin of impatience, and unbelief, repent and keep going on the road God has set for me? Or give up? Sheesh, I cried because Of COURSE I"M NOT GOING TO GIVE UP!

Tonight is my running night and i don't even feel like going. I need you God>......God, please bring me right to the place where my heart is changed, where mercies are renewed and I can soar like eagles. Bring to that place where I can run and not grow weary and walk and not faint...... I will not refuse, I will not delay.....

This is WORTH watching!!! SUPER GOOD

Continue to delurk yourselves from my last post please!!!!!!

Click here! tell me your thoughts on this video!

Okay.....who are all of you???

I'm very curious to know who reads my blog. I get the regular commenters, but I hear often from others, "I read you blog" but have never seen a comment!

So if you read my blog, please drop a comment, and come out from the shadows!!!! Who are my readers???????
(I have made it possible for those that don't have blogs to still leave comments. This blog is always open everyone! So no excuses!)

Canada day

These pics are a bit out of order. So think of it as from finsih to start..... This is my mom on the walk home, she was pretty tired, it was a little more than her body could handle....but she had fun!
This is my cousin who recently accepted Christ as his Lord and savior. His girlfriend Vangie too! It's so nice to have him back part of the family!
Us, right before they shot off
My awesome in laws! new to the Waldherr's is Eugene...super nice and so good to my sister inlaw!
They steal kisses whenever they can.....so sweet
The best surprise in the world!! my good friend lani (flowerlady) showed up with her 6 kids and hubby! Thanks for coming!!!!!!! you guys are a blast!
Can't do a family thing without a "sister photoshoot!"
Here's the kids just arriving with their fresh tattoos on their faces
Elishah is ready to go!
Here is our secret parking spot! (i'm not going to say where tho!) We were all "NOAH NOAH NOAH......" and noah got all embarrased and ran away! Very cute!
More sisters



Here is my dad getting attacked with silly string......the other videos were too dark and didn't show up.....

so that was our 2008 adventure!

4 runner personalities

The warrior: Is a total serious runner into times, personal records and getting faster all the time. real advanced warriors run marathons more than once a year.

The socializer: Running is way to meet people, be with people and make friends. The more the merrier. They will join running clubs and will prefer to run with a buddy.

The purist: Running is to feel good. They enjoy the wind in their hair and waving at others as they pass eachother. They are in their own little world when they run. Destressing from the day, thinking of various things. It's all about the after glow feeling that they run for.

The exersizer: This runner runs towards a goal...inches lost, body fat burned and a more toned body. They don't run for the 'feel good' feeling, but for the results that they will get.


My sis told me about these 4 runner personalities a couple of weeks ago. It was REALLY COOL!
Can you guess which runner I am??? And if you are a runner...which one are you?????

Happy Canada DAY!!!!!

I love Canada day! I love my country. We were at Caleb's grave the other day and the kids were able to see all the war vets from the Great War. Faith says, "did all da bad guys kill dem at night?"
Our children have no idea how they received the freedom they have....

Today is the day that the Waldherr's get all dressed up in red and white, put canada tatoos all over our bodies, including our faces! Even the babies get a big flag across their forehead!

We load up with bug spray, frisbies, blankets, snacks, glow in the dark necklaces (so we can keep track on the kids in the dark) and a whole lot of spirit and head out to the diefenbaker hill. We sit right in the front row. I can't wait! There will be pics to follow

Here are some pics of other years...One year a huge storm blew in, and my native mother built a tent out of one tarp in 60 seconds flat!
Click on these links to see our other canada day adventures!!!

2007(from my blog)
2007 (from my sister's blog)
2005 (the year of the storm)

Stay tuned for more!!