something old, something new

here are a few pics that Joe got put on to disk when we were first together, 10 years ago.


Here we are at WEM. Our first vacation.
My crazy self....sanguine of course
Pregnant with Caleb, on our first christmas
Me, 2 weeks before he was born.....now there's a house!!!!!!
Daddy sleeping with Caleb....he was so small. and now he's so BIG!
Hey dude!
Me and baby
Ninette at age 13!
Joe and I in our first Duplex. Wedge road. That couch behind us had beetles in it once!!!

Back when we could carry Caleb around! My hair was so long!
that's it for now

I screwed up, but God lifts me up!

Yesterday,........i threw up.......sigh, blush, (hang head.....)
Today I woke up and didn't shake it off. I started off the day with eating 3 croissants loaded with jam and felt like crap. Tempted to get rid of it again, I decided that I'm not going down a road that takes me to death. I made a bad choice for breakfast, and I'll have to live with those choices.
As the day has gone on, I have chosen not to turn to the One who can save me.
Don't you hate that! When your in desperate need for Him and you run away!!!

Dependance dependance dependance
Why do we so badly want independance? When all that gives us is a mess?
How did I get here? Our pastor's wife said once, "you walked there."
But really, I haven't spent time in the word for over a week, I haven't soaked in His presence.
What's really happening is I"M STARVING!
Spiritually, i am starving. So, to survive, I'm running to what I used to run to to make me feel better....food.
Note to self: I'm not starving physically....so do not eat food
I'm starving spiritually....so eat the word.....

Why am I doing this? Why did I loose all this weight? Why have a chosen to walk this way in relationship to food?

To show His glory through me
To Obey Him
Inwardly I am renewing myself, not outwardly
To take care of the temple He lives in (being a good steward of what he's given me)
To be an imitator of Him
To make a stand against gluttony and all the crap that comes with it!
To set an example to those walking around me
To show that through Him ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE
To show God that I trust him

I am not doing it .....

To get skinny
To be competitve
To be boastful
To look like a cover on a magazine
To be a size....6
To be a stuck up snobby skinny person LOL

Father, you are the lord, who has made all things. You alone stretched out the heavens and spread the earth. You've performed many wonders. The things You planned for us, no one can recount. They are too numerous to count.

I rememeber today that God loves me just the way I am. My worth isn't based on my dress size or phyiscal appearance. It's based solely on the fact that God loves my unconditionally. He simply loves me with a never-ending, wide as the universe love.

That is me today. I'm am hungry for some real food now
I'm am a little weary from walking in sin at the moment, but God is faithful and just to cleanse me from all unreighteousness, when I TURN TURN TURN from my sin and to Him. ANd that's what I'm doing right now.
Blessings

Weighing In

My faithful friends have started this blog quite a while ago. It is called, "weighing in". It is a group of girls that are on the journey to freedom in their eating habits. They asked me to join a while ago, but I guess it wasn't God's timing yet. I am now posting on this blog along with Crystal, Tanya and andrea.
You are free to come and encourage, join and be a part of our journey.
I am honored to have a place to honor God with these sisters and I pray it will bring glory to His name!
Blessings

50 pounds down, This is only the beginning....

God has done it.....
He has finished a part of the journey
He now has to take me into new parts of the promised land.
As God always does, we think we've arrived, and He again tells us we are only beginning!

As of today, I am my goal weight. I have lost a total of 50 pounds!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I told Joe this morning, and he said, it funny, cause it doesn't seem that you've made many lifestyle changes....
Hmmmm, We realized that it's taken me 10 months to get here and the change was so gradual that it didn't seem so drastic. Looking back to 10 months ago, my relationship with food was totally different. I still overeat sometimes, and have the very odd, occasional slip with throwing up, but God really has changed me!
10 months ago, I was a closet eater. 2/3rds of all I ate was done in secret. I ate in the middle of the night and as soon as I got up in the morning. I would eat before we would go out to eat. I would eat my "leftover's" when we got home. I thought about food or eating all the time. I would get grumpy if there was no food, or if I didn't get my "time alone" with my food. Family trips were especially hard for me, because I would be too embarrased to eat the amounts I usually do infront of everyone. I would lay in bed every night and repent to God of how food over takes me. I would dream of all I would do the next day to change my habits. But the next day was defeated immediatly by biting into chocolate, or cookie dough.
..........It affected my relationship with everyone! My spiritual condition spilled over to everyone around me. My husband suffered becuase I was depressed with myself. Our intamacy suffered becuase of my lack of confidence, energy, and preoccupation with my issues. My children suffered becuase when mom needed "time to herself" they just had to deal with it. I was always tired, always out of breath, and out of shape. My extra weight made my feet hurt, my legs and i had many headaches. I hated the thought of stairs, long walks or knowing I forgot something and had to go back and get it.
........ When I write about it, I can't believe that I lived like that! And it fills me with gratefulness that God saw me worth it to come and help me get out of that pit.
I was telling my friend the other day that I feel "normal" She laughed. I don't think she really understood what I meant. Becuase I had such an unormal life, I've always longed to see food as just that.....food. I've wanted to go to a buffet and just eat till I was satisfied. I would look at "normal people" (people that had a normal relationship with food) and wanted to be like them. But didn't know how to get there.
(This post is the contrast of where I was and where God has brought me. Please know that it was very many baby steps of obedience and MUCH GRACE that has gotten me here.)
But now, I feel yucky if I'm over full. I have 3 normal meals a day. I make wise choices. I have room in my brain for other things! I'm not tired all the time. I have energy! I can run up the stairs 2 at a time! I can play with my kids in the park. And our marriage really has gotten better! I am at peace with food. I am at peace with God and with others....(most of the time) Compared to before, I feel like the yoke of slavery really has been lifted off! So, becuase of this, I am free to serve, love, worship, and just be my silly ol me!

I have really been convicted that gluttony needs to be called what it is. We use other names like "bulemia" or "compulsive overeating" as terms for "eating disorders" when most of the time it really is just sin. When I use the word "bulemia" in my testimony, please know that I do not have an "eating disorder" as what the doctors would call it. I simply used to eat to the point where i'd feel sick and not want to reap the consequences of the calories. So by my choice, I would throw up the food. Over time, it became a habit and a stronghold. But it all started with a sin. I misplaced heart that should have belonged to God. I have a deep conviction that women are being decieved. They are being told that their eating habits are because they are victims. We are all responsible for our every action. No matter what our circumstance, we are still called to have no false gods and are held accountable by God if we do.

The fruit is endless. There is much more, but don't feel free to share all of it yet. Maybe if you get me for a coffee, I can share more revelations that God has shown me. This just scracthes the surface.
All because my God gave His son to die.....for me......can I be really free.....
Thank you Jesus!

Women are called to respect their man....and that's what I want to do!

We just finished a class at our church on love and respect. Many marriages were blessed and challenged with this obvious, yet totally missed teaching out of the Word of God!

Our lives have been forever changed!
I have completely removed myself from my husbands authority. I really have been working hard at trying to submit to him and allow him to grow and lead, but there was just one thing from preventing that.....ME!!!!
God revealed huge things to me this weekend. As I poured out my fears, hurts and pains to him, he showed me really were my heart was........in sin......
Everytime I walked in fear in my marriage, I was blatently saying that God was not trustworthy, not faithful, and not worthy to be worshipped! In my brokeness, I repentented to Him and to my husband. Through this act of God, I have been freed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have a spiritually felt a HUGE weight lifted off my shoulders! I have been freed to truly be Joe's helper and not his guide. I have fallen into a deeper respect for him as I see how awesome God has made him.
I feel so good to say that I no longer have to hold Joe accountable....that's God's job! And God will do it well!!! I feel so good to say that I don't have to keep close watch on Joe's hobbies, I no longer have to make sure Joe has "guardrails" on his walk with Christ!! (Man, I never want to do that again! and if I do....I will know that I is MY SIN and not his!)
I feel so good to know that I'm only responsible for myself!
Joe is an amazing man! I absoulutly shouldn't have been scared in the first place! I trust Joe to lead us well, to be human, but to lead us well. I trust the GOD THAT LEADS HIM!
I know now that when Joe makes a mistake, I will be more free to help him now, then condemn and shame him.
I have let go of ALL expectations, ALL MY plans, and will let God finally do what He' s died to do all along ( pun intented!)

I want to share with you a piece of fruit:

Last night, Joe got a shipment in of a radio control car that he ordered online. Normally in the past I would have totally resented the car and have grumbled just enough to let him know I was not impressed. And I had a new heart! I went outside and watched him drive it around and had a really good time.
After wards, Joe said, "you know, the only time you've ever come out to watch me is when we've had company"
That really spoke to me....alot of things.....
I have missed out on so much of my husbands life, all because of fear.....but I am thankful that God reedems the years we mess up...


There is so much more, But that is the heart of what has happened. Thanks for listening.

oh me gosh

Please pray for us....

The Waldherr's have been sick with the flu for a week. I am feeling like crap now for the 4th day. Fluish.....yuck...

We need healing here....

Today....

Today, I'm cleaning my house

Today, my feelings are following my spirit

Today, Noah and I are going for a bikeride

Today, my sister has taken Faith for the day

Today, I'm going to water my grass for the first time this season

Today, I'm thankful for exactly the way God made my husband

Today, I want to embrace all that he can offer me and be mindful of how he completes me

Today, I am praying for a dear friend that is on my heart

Today, I want to be all that God has created to be!!!

The word talks ALLOT about "today" God knows that anything outside of today is out of our power. Today is our only hope....


What are you doing today???

Time to try some thing new and plant some corn!

Growing up, we never had a yard. We always lived in apartments, town houses and such. Our grass was always freshly mowed and walks shoveled. When Joe and I got married, we rented a duplex for the first year or two. Or yard was......pittiful. I had no idea where to start....
Our second home was also a duplex and we got a little more ambitious! I planted a 3 by 3 foot garden LOL
I planted, watched it grow, looked at the weeds that grew in the midst of it, then it all died in the fall without me touching it for the whole time.
The next year I planted about 3 strawberry plants and probably ate only 3 or 4 actual berries!
Then we moved to where we are now. What a nice yard! So I decided to officially start "gardening". My next one was still pitiful, but we ate at least some carrots, peas and some onions. The weeds were taller than the veggies....
3 years after that, I am feeling alot more confident in what I'm doing. I'm excited to start composting this year, and expect a great harvest.
This makes me think of actually walking with Jesus.
You learn by DOING.
You just keep trying and trying again.
Each year you push yourself into new and intimidating things you have learned but have never tried.
My sister said I should start a corn field. (which is funny becuase my "corn field" would consist of one row of corn. She said that then my kids could go and play in the "corn field"......
I just imagined them running through the one row......LOL
The other thing about this is our attitude.

It's important that we don't get overwhelmed with these new things and don't beat ourselves up when we don't do it like someone whose been doing it for 20 years!
It really takes time to master, but God doesn't care about mastering as much as our hearts and efforts to pushing through.

That's it for today
Blessings

Night out for the girls

I got to go out with Crystal last night for a coffee.....but she had a coke....
It was nice to just be alone with her without any kids. She tried humus with me which I was very proud of her for!!
Her daughter babysat for me and was great. After our coffee/coke, me and her and her daughter sat and talked till 11:30!! They are great people.....
I will post pics of the passover as soon as i can get them off the camera!!
Toodles...

Passover

Tonight my family and extended family is celebrating passover. It's such a neat time to fellowship, eat and remember God's wonders. Although, I don't know in depth much about it, I still am so blessed to take in and soak in the ceremony of it all. The whole family has a part from the youngest to the oldest. We go through the exodus story where God sent the 10 plagues to free His chosen people. My kids and I colored all 10 plagues. We even looked up images of lice on the net....they were so glad that they weren't egyptian!! Each year I notice a little more soak into each of my kids. Noah has really grown spiritually in the last few months. I'm so proud of him.

I got to make Matzo ball soup!!! YUMMY! There's games for the kids, treats, and a seder plate to pass around with items on there to remind us of salvery and freedom! I can't wait. Each year I take in new depths of it and can't wait to hear what God will say to me this year! Post pics later....

Our house is almost clean!!.......GROAN.......The kitchen is a bomb, and I'm tired....
I got all the winter stuff put away. That's a load off.
Ate kraft dinner for lunch......feel sick
I'm getting a composter this year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Super excited to make rotten stuff turn into nutrients!!!

Um, we watched "fun with dick and jane" last night.....it sucked. I love jim carrey and he had his moments, but over all, i wasn't impressed....

I've eaten a ton of choclate eggs this week, gotta stop that!
Well,
hE HAS RISEN, HE HAS RISEN INDEED!!!!!
WE SERVE AND VERY ALIVE LORD AND SAVIOR

No time to blog

sorry readers, my life has picked up dramatically. I barely have enough time to check my email!

I hope you still check in from time to time to see if I do post something......
It's swimming day today, so were off to splash in the pool and do the waterslide!

blessings to everyone

Praise God for His wrath!!!

This sunday, Kelly shared his heart on repentance. The joy that the Lord gives us new mercies every morning. Although we don't like to think about this part, God's wrath is also there and it is coming.

God's wrath is just another amazing quality that my God has! Our God is so loving that He is going to bring justice to all the wrong doings someday. I hear allot of people say that they don't want to believe in God because He allows bad things to happen to good people. They say that there is too much suffering in the world and that if He were God, He wouldn't allow that to happen.
As time passes in this world, we are given a gift.....free choice.
Without free will, there is no love. Without any choice, there would be no way to chose to offer peace, love, acceptance, forgiveness, joy. What a gift that God has given us. Through my free will, I am able to give Joe a huge squeeze to show I love him. I can chose to phone a friend when she's in need. And others can chose out of their own choice to show me how much they care for me.
Of course, with this gift, some people (actually ALL people, the bible says that all have fallen short of doing right) abuse this from one time to another. We use this precious gift to hurt one another, to fill our needs instead of others. Most of us have good intentions, but some do not.
Those that have been making bad choices for many years, have allowed their conscience to be seared (Hebrews 12) Once they have hardened their heart, these people can hurt alot of people.

God loves us so much that He will one day bring justice to all the wrong. That makes me feel secure and safe. There's a part of me too, that wants to make sure I'm in line so that I am not in the path of His wrath. You know what I love about all this? I love that I don't have to be the judge. It's hard being a judge! Let me tell you!!! Trying to break up my kids's fights and trying to bring them justice is very hard! Cause I wasn't there to witness it half the time! I'm only human. And I know that allot of times, I do not bring my children proper justice. But God sees all! He knows all and HAS PERFECT LOVE!! HE IS PERFECT! So I feel so incredibly safe to know that a PERFECT GOD will one day bring perfect justice! Now that's a load off my back!
When my neighbour harrases my guests for parking in front of her house, it's not for me to judge her.....it's my job to love her and let God do the judging.
When someone cuts me off,
When someone gossips about me
When someone backs out of a commitment on me
When someone steals from me
When someone smashes in my window.........
God will judge....and I don't have to

I was reading in Psalm 94 today. It's a psalm full of truth that God will pay back our enemies someday. and in the middle of the passage it says, Blessed is the man who God disciplines, for when trouble comes, he will be will find rest.

So there is always that choice.
Do we recieve His discipline.. and allow it to change us....which is for our own good and cause He loves us?
Or ingore His commands and pay for it later?
I think I'd rather have rest when trouble comes than strife and have Him take me out for hurting people.

God's laws are there for one reason only......
To love one another!!!
that's it!
And when you break those laws....you are for surely hurting someone, which will in turn ask for justice.
The beauty of having Jesus as my Lord and savior is that I recieve forgiveness through the price He payed on my behalf. He recieved the nails that should have been nailed through MY hands! And now through God's PERFECT plan of salvation...
He can turn all things to good....even my mistakes.

What an awesome God we serve!!

Joe has something to share

Please read the heart of my hubby....
It is beautiful

"A tribute to a Godly man"

Blue skies

I am need of some blue skies.
I've had a tough week.

Making some choices based out of fear. Fear that I won't be loved, that I'm not loved....
All those stupid lies.

I need to refocus. ALL ON JESUS
And when that happens, all is well. My spirit can rest.

On days of gray
When doubt clouds my view
It’s so hard to see past my fears
My strength seems to fade
And it’s all I can do
To hold on, ’til the light reappears
Still, I believe though some rain’s bound to fall
That you’re here next to me
And you’re over it all





Lord, the sky’s still blue
For my hope is in you
You’re my joy
You’re the dream that’s still alive
Like the wind at my back
And the sun on my face
You are life
You’re grace
You are blue skies
You’re my blue skies
When nights are long
Seems the dark has no end
For waiting beyond
Where the morning begins
Is the dawn, and you’re mercy anew
Oh, to believe we’re alive in you’re love
There is so much to see
If we keep looking up

Some pics for fun.....enjoy

My dad giving us some lovins....awwwww





This is our church 5 years ago. It's still as awesome as ever!






This is Isaiah when she was 1 year old! She had the most beautiful eyes....still does of course!




Noah trying to choke my sister!




This perticular day, I decided that it would be fun to unravel 3 rolls of toilet paper (double rolls) And have the kids play in it.....it was a blast.



Isaiah and Jonah on our swim day. I wonder what kind of relationship they will have as adults???




My sister having a moment......LOL




We forgot to bring Noah's bathing suit, so he had to swim in his gitchies!




My Amazing friend, support, laughing buddie, pilates partner, lighthouse forever!


Faithfulness with her first ponytail.




Playdate with Chancelle. She comes over to help me sometimes. She's great!



Another toilet paper shot......Glad that's all done.

Blessings!

blah blah

Have you ever said any of these things?

God has opened my eyes to some things. Even tho, we are continually learning....and sometimes, we RElearn the same thing over and over. That same thing, could be learned in many different ways, with different circumstances in our lives.

Even tho these things are serious, and commanded of us.....
Our God still has a great sense of humor and has made me chuckle over the nature of mankind!

Have you ever found yourself saying any of the following?
(I have reworded it, so that you can obviously see the irony)


"I can't believe you didn't forgive me for that! What more can I do? I've said I'm sorry, I'm only human, you need to have more mercy in your life!!! I don't think I can forgive you for not forgiving me....it just hurts too much!"

"HELLO......(talking to drivers on the road) You're cutting everyone off! Your going to cause an accident! You could certainly learn some patience!!!"

"Oh yeah, use some sarcasm.....that will really be useful!!"

"Why don't you listen to me, I mean I'm with the kids all day and I have no adults to talk to and it's so busy and I get really overwhelmed.....blah blah blah.....How come you don't spend time listening to me....it's not like I ask for much, just a lending ear.... I mean, You have no idea what I put up with during the day and you just don't listen....blah blah blah"(Did it ever occur to you that you aren't listening????)

"You are being so judgemental! I can't believe that in your heart, you are thinking these things! How can you be like that!???"

"KIDS!!!!COULD YOU PLEASE STOP YELLING!!! YOU'RE BEING TOOOO LOUD!!"


The only reason I can quote these is becuase I've said them all....I'm sure God is going to point out more as I'm watching for them. Just thought I would share that with y'all.

whole hearted

Life’s ambition occupies my time
Priorities confuse the mind
Happiness one step behind
This inner peace I’ve yet to find

Rivers flow into the sea
Yet even the sea is not so full of me
If I’m not blind why can’t I see
That a circle can’t fit
Where a square should be

There’s a hole in my heart
That can only be filled by you
And this hole in my heart
Can’t be filled with the things I do

Hole hearted
Hole hearted

This heart of stone is where I hide
These feet of clay kept warm inside
Day by day less satisfied
Not fade away before I die





That's a song by Extreme. It was done in 1990. What powerful words. They echo in my heart and spirit today.
God water the hole in my heart.




I am now
whole hearted
whole hearted

Joe's day off

We've had a great day.

First we all layed around in bed together. Then Joe made french toast. THe kids ate 12 pieces! I can't imagine when they are teens, and I thought we were broke now! We dropped off baby faither at Joe's sister's so that we could all go tobaggaining. Joe and I went down together and he landed on me.....figures....

Now he's going to work for the evening and I am going to go on my cross trainer, do my pilates. Plan some school work, and vacuum my house.

God is good.

My God

What do I say....

I think to when God met me.
In my little room in drug rehab.
Sitting on my bed crying. nowhere to turn.
He met me through a small bible in Psalm 121. His love FLOODED into my soul. It opened up a whole new world I never knew. A world of hope, peace, forgiveness and joy.



What if I were deaf and blind, what if I were mute
what if I could play the music, couldn't sing the tune
I guess I'd sit beside the palace gates
Hear the rumble of the church brigade
and have only my love to offer You.....

These lyrics go through my head all day for many days now....

God's uncondtional love is unmeasureable.
It's invaluable
It's unfathomable
It's overwhelming
It's my source of life

To live a life of worship is my only response to all that He is

Those are my thoughts today!!