Fruit that will last

On June 1st, Nin and I started a journey. We are running in the physical to learn in the spiritual. We are reaping blessings and rewards in the physical already, but the things we are learning in the spiritual are pretty cool!

We have a course that we started in our neighbourhood (which we have now lengthened) We use lamposts to break up the workout. We walk normal for some, power walk for some, jog for some and sprint for some. When we first started we mapped out our "main drag" for our jog that we would eventually lengthen. We first we able to jog for 2 posts and there was no talking, just concentration on not dying! LOL
Now our main drag has lengthened to 4 posts, which we can talk during and the recovery is by no means as bad as it used to be.
At the end of our course, nin and I turned the last stretch into a sprint. (this is where I literally die!! LOL) At the end of the course last night, nin had to coach me through breathing! But in time this will get easier too.THIS IS NOT NIN AND I IN THIS PIC...it's just a couple of girls I found on the net....(some people actually thought it was nin and I...)

What a journey. We find that as we approach our "main drag" where it's time to run the distance, we get intimidated. We are about to face our "giant" We gather up our courage, our strength, say a little prayer and take a step of faith...to run the race set before us.

The parables are fascinating. Everything from cramps to commitment, all ties into our walk with God.
I am mostly encouraged that 2 sisters, raised by a mother that never followed through with anything, has no idea to this day what a commitment means.....are sticking it out, are bearing fruit! Nin and I have a history in our pasts to fizzle out, to give up, to not go the distance. This is the curse that wants to carry on through the blood lines. I love being able to run along side my only sister and physically declare that we will not stand for this as part of our heritage...We run together and by every step we take, we are gaining more ground.....
and for us....this is NEW GROUND.

Usually, this is the point of a journey where I'm all pumped and emotional. But God is teaching me to stay steady....not hyped. I am encouraged, but focused. It's a race of endurance, not temporary fruit....but "fruit that will last"

tidbit and bit tid

Went to get Elishah weighed this morning and so far she's gaining well. The nurse was so encouraging and supportive. I am so thankful that I took that leap of faith and went after my dream. Elishah is exclusively breastfeeding now with a very occasional supplement through the tube. Her poop is smelling sweeter thank God!! LOL, those formula poops are pretty rank!

I just have to share this.....the last time nin and ran together yesterday, we decided that the very last stretch of the course would be a fairly fast run....so for the last 2 lamp posts, we sprinted as fast as our legs could take us to the finish line! It was sooooo hard! But it was sooooo good!!! I felt like an eagle, rising above the whole world! It's such an adventurous journey...

updates!!!!!

BREASTFEEDING UPDATE

Breast feeding is going increasingly better. I'm now on day 5 of some pills that produce prolactin in your body and pumping every 2 to 3 hours.
When I first started on day one, I was only able to get a quarter of an ounce out of the pump. At the breast, I had a little tube in the corner of her mouth, feeding formula through a syringe at every feed.
5 days later, I now am able to feed her without the SNS tube (supplemental nursing system) right and left breast and then pump up to 2 ounces after each feeding.
I'm not out of the woods yet. Only my little Elishah will be able to make the final decision as to whether she wants to continue. But I think bringing my milk back with this pump and the pills is going fairly well.

MARRIAGE UPDATE

I am so passionate about marriage and all God has purposed for it! Ever since Joe and I took a "love and respect" course (by emerson enriches) 2 years ago, our marriage is constantly changing for the better. It's mostly 2 steps forward, 1 step back. Sometimes it's 2 steps back...but for the most part, God continues to fire our hearts with walking a Godly marriage out.
Another amazing tool I've found is a book called, created to be his help meet. WOW, it really just speaks to the wives. It causes you to only look at yourself and challenges you to change yourself and to stop trying to change your spouse. There is so so so much blessing in walking in the purpose of being your hubby's helpmeet. and it's a double folded blessing, because your hubby becomes more and more free to hear and follow God, instead of all your expectations. Having our 5th child really rocked the boat on this issue, but God has been faithful to get us back on track and take us further and further than we've ever been!!

RUNNING UPDATE

Nin and I are still faithfully running. The other night, nin shared that she ran really fast without getting tired....makes me think of the verse in Isaiah that we will runa dn not grow weary!! We are learning more parables as we run and face obstacles in the physical, we are learning much in the spiritual.
Hebrews 12 is a total running chapter! It has been my inspiration for the last while!
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us."

The whole chapter is amazing and worth to tie it around your neck and put it in your heart!!


BULIMIA UPDATE

Let's just say it's been over a week now and I have accountability in place to keep me on the straight and narrow!

that's all for now!

We are getting our milk back....hopefully

Joe asked me last night why I'm going through so much effort to breast feed my baby.

Yes, I have decided to fight for my milk.
My friend that had a baby just after me, phoned me to console me. She so graciously offered to pump and give me her breast milk for my baby.....
Let me just say that it was salt on the wound. "I can feed my baby and have so much milk that I can feed your baby too!!!"
I know she didn't mean it that way, she is a sweet heart and I have to admit that I've actually offered "my womb" to my sister inlaw just in case she needed it!!! (I was 18 when I said that, and I've wanted to take it back as soon as it left my mouth!!)

So after her lovely offer, I had a huge MELT DOWN. Bawling my eyes out with intense grief. A big part of my melt down was wondering if I had really done enough to save my milk...and knowing deep down in my heart, I DID NOT do everything I could have to save it.

This is probably my last baby, this is my last chance to fulfill this dream. If God gives me back my dream....THANK YOU!!! If not, I will have peace. Knowing that I did my part, I will take His answer.

So I went off to borrow a big huge pump from the breast feeding clinic, got some prescribed pills, and for the last 24 hours, have been fighting for my milk back.....and I feel great about it. Honestly, whatever the outcome, I know I need to do this.

So I will keep on truckin, leaving the outcome in the hands of the dream giver, waiting the answer that He will give me. Will I be able to nurse to a year....???? Only time will tell.

Breast feeding has come to a sad end

Grieving the loss of feeding my baby has been tough. The week before the wedding, I dried up.
(Caleb was unable to nurse due to his severe CP)
Child #1: Noah....I dried up at 4 months
Child #2: Isaiah...By 3 and a half months, we were on the bottle
Child #3: Faith...I was able to breastfeed her till she was 7 months old!

I thought that the problem with my first two kids were due to the birth control pill. Since I wasn't on the pill with Faith, I thought that I'd found the root of the problem. I came into the newest #4th baby with high hopes and dreams. I had a beautiful picture of me nursing my one year old, going from breast to cup. Something I've never experienced before. This was a huge let down to find out that the inevitable was taking place. Powerless to stop it, I feel so so sad.
Feeding a foreign substance into my tiny little helpless baby has not been easy. I've finally been able to put words to how I'm feeling about this.

There is a nuturing mother in me, given by God to want to love, nuture and give to my little babies. I feel that a part of this has been taken from me. The chance to be able to pour my all into my helpless ones is very important to me.

I know this may seem silly to some, and that's okay. I am okay with my strong desire to want to mother and nuture my babies. There's nothing funny or strange about it. It's just the way God made me.

Now after all that is said, I deep down trust that God knows best. That He is the giver and the taker. I feel blessed to have been given the chance to nurse them at least this far. I also know that God blesses me to grieve. So I will grieve......grieve the loss of a BIG DREAM.....and place it in the hands of the dream giver.

bored and looked like fun

A - Age: 28

B - Band listening to right now:Casting crowns/Lifesong

C - Career future: Can't see beyond diapers, legos, markers and laundry...

D - Dad's name: Rick the Lip

E - Easiest person to talk to:Nin my sister

F - Favorite song: The voice of truth (casting crowns)

G - Gummy Bears or Gummy Worms: Neither....gives me a tummy ache

H - Hometown: Saskatoon

I - Instruments: Serving spoons and garden tools

J - Job: a helper "wanna be" to my hubby and a mom that hopefully is training her kids to be just like Jesus

K - Kids: 5...2 boys and 3 girls

L - Longest car ride ever: Vancouver

M - Mom's name: Mary, Irene, Preema, kokum, mother figure...

N - Number of times you've been in love: One, true love...with Joe....the others, I THOUGHT it was love...but twasn't

O - Optimum time of day to work: late evening...when my 5th wind kicks in

P - Phobia[s]: fear of losing control, driving on the highway, heights, my kids dying, cancer, bugs in my food, a flat tire, getting pregnant again....

Q - Quote: "you can't change what you don't acknowledge" "being 'right' is awful lonely"

R - Reason to smile: Because I am free, I just need to walk it out

S - Song you sang last: "you know better than I" from the movie "joseph king of dreams"

T - Time you wake up: Too late these days!!! about 9am

U - Unknown fact about me: I used to chew my toenails

V - Vegetable you hate: TURNIPS!!! yuck!

W - Worst habit: chewing off all my nails till there is none left, then chewing off the skin around my nails that aren't there, then making them bleed, then picking off the scabs and making bigger scabs, then taking the nail clippers to my mutilated fingers and making way worse......

X - X-rays you've had: ??

Y - Yummy food: Pretty much anything loaded in firey spice that gives you cramps and diaherah (however you spell that!)

Z - Zodiac sign: I liked my sisters answer....I don't place my destiny in the stars but the one who MADE the stars (good one nin!)

update

Yesterday, I ran a total of 7 lamp posts
A total of 5 unmissed walk/runs for 2 weeks
Today, I fit a new pair of jeans
I can walk without being out of breath
I haven't thrown up my food since Sunday
I won the battle yesterday....almost fell, but "fought the good fight of faith" (That verse is in Timothy somewhere)

Now being a helper to my husband........sigh.....there's a whole nother battle ground.......
LOL
I have to learn to give up control. I desire to be there for him.
He needs me...
God's not done with that one either. And I will trust that someday, I will be a wise proverbs 31 woman and helper to my husband!

You know better than I

A dear friend reminded me of this AWESOME song this morning( click on the previous link for the video)!!! She just found out that her father has cancer. In these tough times, God's love for us is our foundation. It's from the movie "Joseph, King of Dreams" Click on the link to see the trailer of the movie.

This will be the song in my heart for a while. Enjoy and let God work new levels of trust in your heart...For God knows, I am weary in this moment....please pray for me tonight!

Faith has made it easy to see the best thing I can do is put my trust in you
You know better than I
you know the way
I've let go the need to know why
for you know better than I

If I let you reach me, will you teach me?
I'll take what answers you supply

Running the race set before me....

My computer has been down the last week or so, Joe has painted Caleb's room (which is where the computer now is) I still call it Caleb's room. Some of the family members call it the "office" now...which I guess it is....

Walking with my Father has not been a boring dull walk these last few weeks. I am encouraged in so many areas, but struggle with faith in my one area that has haunted me for 16 years. Bulimia. Will I ever be victorious???

Deep down I know that I will. There's this song by casting crowns that i've been singing all the time, called "In me"

"Cause when I'm weak, You make me strong
When I'm blind, You shine Your light on me
Cause I'll never get by living on my own ability
How refreshing to know You don't need me
How amazing to find that you want me
So I'll stand on Your truth, and I'll fight with Your strength Until You bring the victory, by the power of Christ in me"

The bold words are the words that I really sing out. There's this sign at a store called twisted goods in the mall. I saw it last night and I WANT to buy it. It says "believe" And this is where I am at. Do I believe? I really can sense God digging in my heart. I do know that He is transforming me, layer by layer. I just keep pressing through, pushing past fear, doubt, and failures. Fighting the good fight of faith. Standing on truth, till He brings the victory. I asked my sis the other night, "do you think there will ever come a day where I'll be able to say, 'I haven't thrown up my food for years!!'?" She said, of course! And deep down, by the power of Christ, yes, I will....

The tiny little battles that you think are not significant, are the most important thing you can fight for, because, the more little battles that you overcome IN HIM, before you know it, He wins the war for you.

For me this is a huge thing. Some people that I know have the most amazing will power. They can put their minds to anything and just do it. (I could never understand those people! LOL) I am the opposite of this. I say that I will do this and that, but then never follow through.
These are 2 extremes of the SAME THING. STRIVING IN THE FLESH.
....For one, we just give up (that would be my pattern)
....For others, they just do it alone
BOTH DO NOT HAVE FAITH IN GOD

I am encouraged. I do believe God. I know my daddy enough to know that He never breaks a promise. That He never changes. That He is the same.

I am reading a series of verses on running. God is leading down a path to teach me a spiritual truth through a physical picture....running. There is much to be learned about persevering, staying the course, not giving up, not giving in......

So I have begun a new journey by the leading of the spirit....running. We'll see where He takes me in that.....

Just so that you know....by me sharing this, is a huge risk. It is a leap of faith by telling those that know me, is another way to show that I believe God will finish what he started. I am scared. Scared to fail, scared to give up or that I won't make it. But that's okay. I am choosing to push past all of it.

Psalm 18:10
The name of the Lord is and strong tower. The righteous run into it and they are saved.

bulemia, compulsive overeating, being overweight

I wanted the title to grab your eye. These words mean different things to different people.

For some, bulemia may have struck someone you know, or maybe, you've read about it in a book. Maybe this is something that you really struggle with.

To some, the word "overweight" is you. You've wrestled with weight all your life. Or maybe you've been slim all your life and you watch others around you wrestle.

To some, the words "compulsive overeating" may cause you to think. "Am I a compulsive overeater? Am I normal? Do I have a problem with food? Maybe you already know if this is you. Maybe some of you may think that we "ALL" have struggles with food, while others feel very isolated believing that they are alone.

This is my story, praying that my life will point to God and all He does for us:

Being severly bullied as a child, I came home from school to find that the food in the fridge brought me comfort. It was a time to unwind, forget, and relax. I could enjoy the taste of unhealthy foods to ease my pain. When I turned 12, I discovered drugs and alcohol were much better suited to fix my pain. Food went on the back burner....but only for a short time.

I was admitted into a drug rehab at 15. Let me just say that we were fed WELL! I gained 30 pounds in 3 months. It was a physical picture that I had switched one addiction for another. Quitting drugs, I returned to my first comfort of food, but learned a new technique.....vomitting. This way, I could eat LARGE amounts of food in a binge, and not have any consequences.

After rehab, I met Joe, got pregnant, married, gained 60 pounds in pregnancy!!! Now I had something else to fuel my problem.....a weight problem......

Totally powerless over my addiction to food, I continued in my daily binging and purging. All the while, losing any hope that I would be normal. After my second child, I found myself lying on the kitchen floor, sobbing infront of my fridge, begging God to help me. To take away my desire to eat.....it never happened.
I prayed constantly for deliverance. Went to church leaders, confessing my closet eating patterns.
I fasted for a few days, only to find a severe binge waiting for me on the other side. My sizes kept creeping up, my self esteem kept dropping down, all the while losing more and more hope.

Depression, fueling my eating, eating, fueling my depression.
Cycle after cycle of this deadly sickly thing called gluttony.
Feeling like a victim, helpless to stop it, I give up.....

Years go by and I am only bigger, but numb. I now ignore my binging. It's part of my weekly life. I just accept that I will always be this way. My spiritual walk is stunted, my spirit is weary and defeated. I try to grow in all other areas of my life. Marriage, parenting, being a house wife, reaching out to my neighbours, praying for the lost, reading the word more.....

But I know that my eating affects ALL areas of life!
How can I glorify God when my outward body speaks of a life that's out of control to gluttony?
How can I truly experience freedom in my marriage when I am not confident in my own skin?
How can I model self control to my children, when they are daily witnessing a mom a slave to the fridge?
How can I share the hope of Jesus to my neighbours when I have no hope left for myself???

One day, I jump off the cliff.
I take the greatest leap of faith I've ever taken.
With nothing to loose, I join a weight loss group. Through my journey I lost 50 pounds and 10 sizes. BUT THIS IS NOT THE POINT PEOPLE!
God taught me about fighting the good fight of faith.
My deliverance came in the form of believing in faith in every moment that I am victorious!
Not giving up
Clinging to His word
Everyday, making that choice to believe what He says about me, not matter what is going on around me.
I was looking for a quick fix, that one prayer to "set me free" But all the while I never realized that I WAS FREE, I just had to WALK IT OUT!!!!!
I have a HUGE heart for those in bondage to food. I've been there. I KNOW what it's like.
I'm not perfect. I don't have it all figured out. But God is with me and I walk with him, THROUGH MY FALLS and through my victories. Ron shared an AWESOME message this morning on faith. Everything done apart from faith is sin. He shared that if the spirit of God left the church, 80% of it would still carry on as usual. That's how much we've walked away from faith! We either do it on our own, or sit on the pity pot not having any faith.

I just had another baby. I gained 50 pounds this pregnancy. I really struggled with food in my time of trial. (My son died when I was 5 months pregnant)
Now having to loose all my weight again, I'm not giving up.
This IS NOT ABOUT WEIGHT.
This is ALL about a life given to God IN FAITH!
There is so much more on this I could share, it's getting long. I'll have to share more next time.
Let's all rememeber that we can do all things through Christ who gives us strength.
There's soooo much more in my heart, but this is where I need to stop for now.

Mommy's day

My blessings
Mr.Caleb

Noah

Isaiah

Faithfulness

Maybe last, but not least....Elishah

After celebrating Joe's mom and my mom, we always take a day for just me. We call it mommy's day. They take me to the Saskatoon Asian for supper and then after that it varies. Last night I got a nonfat-sugarfree-no foam-hazelnut latte. YUMMY!
Later on (probably sooner than I think) I will be officially burning fire from my butt. (I can't resist the spice there) Hopefully, my darling little baby will not be too badly affected!

My kids are really great. Noah learned how to use chopsticks. (He can't wait to show auntie nin) He did really well. We all just had a great time. I love my family.
On our way to the restaurant, Joe says, "do you think we're done having kids?" I had to laugh really loud. We always do this! After we start to get our feet back on the ground, and all the kids are being their sweet selves, we usually start to say that we don't think we are done. I didn't say that this time. I'm keeping my mouth shut. I just want to do what God has planned for my family. I know that I feel done, I want to be done. But I'm not closing any doors, until God says it's time. I sometimes pray that he agrees with me, but just as a joke, cause i know it doesn't work that way.

I'm going for some quiet time now, (the kind where kids are all over, being loud! LOL)
Have a great day everyone!

picture post

Feel free to enlarge any of these pictures...

Isaiah wearing Elishah in the cuddly wrap!My beautiful girls!
Joe and Elishah having a cuddle at the piano recital
This is one of Isaiah's church friends. Rachel, better known as rachy
Rachy, Isaiah and Joah
Now dad is wearing the baby in the cuddly wrap
Our awesome slime green bathroom!
This is our trip out to Beechy SK. Our very good friends Kelly and Lani are now pastors and farmers! It suits them well. It was such a fun time to be with friends. Sitting around the fire, singing, eating and laughing. What would we do without brothers and sisters!!!!!

Kelly the grill man and Chris, his assistant

There a couple of kids missing here, but these are 21 kids to 4 couples! 21 children and 8 adults.....let me just say it was a blast! the kids had a blast!
Mia, Isaiah, Abby and Faith on the trampoline!
Me wearing my baby!

Isn't she the cutest ever!!!

Daniel's first official sunburn....of course his mom and dad carted him around all afternoon, garage saling!!!!
Last week our family went out to Caleb's grave. It was very healing to go and be there with him. We all had some good cries, thought of good memories and wept over the last days of his life. May Caleb's lifesong sing throughout our lives.

This is my mom with Noah, Faith and Isaiah
Just looking at this picture seems like a dream, like how could I really be sitting at the side of my son's grave? At that moment, it was very real, sitting there, touching the dirt that was over top of him.
It's so healing to have my Elishah close to me. I feel like there will be a connection between her and Caleb, even tho they never met, I knew that Elishah in her spirit felt what was going on in my womb at the time of Caleb's sickness and death.
My mom bought me a rocking chair!!!!!!!! I was SOOO excited! i now rock with her in her room and sing to her
Fits me perfectly!

Dr. Phil's famous quote...and a few of God's quotes too! :)

You can't change what you don't acknowledge

Joe's been saying the last few days
"it's better to be broken on the rock than to be broken by the rock" (our pastor shared that a few weeks ago)

This is my life the last few weeks....repentance....
In isaiah it says that repentance is your salvation and peace.

What is repentance?
-to turn FROM your sin and turn TO God
-to take responsiblity for your actions
-To make amends wherever you need to

But what really changes the heart?

I've been wanting fruit in my life so badly, I want to stay broken on the rock.

The more I take ownership of my actions without excuses
the more I repent right away as soon as I fall
the more I ask God for His strength instead relying on my own

The more my life changes
This isn't rocket science. This is basic christianity. This should be the daily life of every believer. I feel kinda dumb that this simple basic truth that should be modelled in my life; is ONCE AGAIN a big light bulb in my life.

I feel like I'm coming out of the cave. I feel like deeper foundations are being laid.
Romans 2
I don't want to take for granted the paitence, the kindness and tolerance of the Lord. I truly is becuase of these things that I repent and want to follow him.

A Terrible Accident

Before

After

Although I doubt anything is permanent, the temporary disfigurement may cause some social problems.

I had to put this on my blog....Joe wrote it, but i just needed to steal it!!

Sarah needs.......

Google your name followed by "needs" and see what comes up!!!

Sarah needs a cold shower
(holy, I'm not a man!! LOL)

Sarah needs pencil shavings
(um.....for my composter???)

Sarah needs to kick him in the nuts
(I've thought about it, but i'm not about to do it!)

Sarah needs help
(I guess that's obvious!)

Sarah needs to play
(I totally totally agree! I get too serious at times)

Sarah needs your manly vote
(no comment)

Sarah needs social support
......add your comment here....

Sarah needs no explanation
(she's already drawn her educated guess...which is her hypothesis...(i know, big word :) )

Sarah needs a loving playful home
(I think God is really trying to tell me to lighten up!)

Sarah needs to watch out
(Or she'll trip over the 100 and one things on her floor)

Sarah needs to set up her experiment
(har har har....(insert evil laugh here))

Sarah needs medicine
(Okay that was supposed to be private!)

Anyone else if your as bored as me can do this.

Faith vs Vaseline - The Movie

Joe uploaded the video.

Inner healing

Last year Joe and I took a course at our church called "Love and Respect"
The simple biblical truths did more for our marriage more than any advice, counselling or teaching we've ever recieved In our 10 years together. It brought revelation knowledge that rippled healing, joy, peace and freedom in our marriage. I felt like a totally different person!
Well, 18 months has passed and alot has happened since then. We've lost our oldest child, we've had a new baby, we've bought out house, we've renovated our whole basement, Joe has switched job's, moved positions... Through the weight of life and trials, I have lost focus.

God is breaking me to a wonderful place. He is getting through my walls of fear and I am taking more and more steps of obedience that's bringing more and more peace. God is opening my eyes to rebellion, fear, doubt, lack of faith and sin in new lights, and giving me wisdom on how to plow through it.

I keep wanting to share the details, but feel that I'm not supposed to share the details right now. I'm a sanguine, I like to count my chickens before they're hatched. But in this case, I need to keep on truckin' towards bearing some fruit. I pray that I will be soft and sensitive to God's work, voice and hand.

I am thankful today. My desire is so strong to glorify Him.
I hope I'll get to share more in time. But for now I guess I just need to process this work and be paitent for fruit.

The choice is MINE, the consequences are MINE, MY choices, no one else's....NO EXCUSES!!
Even wounds, even though someone caused me pain, I am 110% responsible for how I react! Fear is not an excuse! Fear that I will be hurt again...fear that i'll fail.....

THis plain, blunt truth is simple and takes alot of the confusion away. Instead of your issues being your husband's, your kids, your famikly, your friends, your church, your job....all of a sudden IT'S JUST YOU. makes it alot simpler, but yet harder....but a "good hard" cause you know in your heart it's the right thing.

My night last night!!!

Last night, I'm feeding my baby.
Faith is in my bed and the other two are playing quietly in Noah's room.
All is well
I'm enjoying some quiet time for myself, soaking in my lovely new basement atmosphere.
I get to watch Dr. Phil that I've recorded earlier in the day
My 15$ on sale fountain is trickling in the background
My mood lights are turned down to just the right mood..........


All of a sudden, this shiny figure that resembles my 2 year old daughter comes out into the living room.
She stands there quietly, waiting for a verdict.....

In shock....I stand to my feet put my hands over my mouth and stare and what lies infront of me...

My 2 year old, COVERED in what looks like to be at least a half a cup of vaseline!!!!!!
Her hair is standing in a mohawk. Her eye lashes are gooped with beads of it.
Her hands and arms are covered
her face is shining like the sun.

I start to laugh

Then cry.....
and laugh....
faith had no idea what mom was going to do.....

I pray for strength, breathe in nice deep breaths, and gently lift her and put her in to my tub, so I can investigate the rest of this crime scene.

In my room, my pillow, my bed, my bed skirt, my comforter, my quilt....are all COVERED in grease!
My books on my bedside, my dresser, and some of the wall.........

This is when I loose it
Call joe at work, tell him it's an emergency....COME HOME NOW!!! Baby is crying, faith is still waiting in the tub.
call my sis...no answer
my mom....no answer.....

AGHHHHHH

half an hour later, Joe is home, Faith is bathed (3 washes with dish soap and she's still greasy)
And baby is happy.

Final verdict

One bedset in the garbage
One mom who will never EVER leave vaseline (or maybe ever even buy it!) out again!!
One greasy kid
A half hour of work time that Joe needs to make up
A lot of prayers gone up to our Father for help and grace
An answered prayer,
us all coming out alive and a promise that His mercies are new every morning!

Super funny!! Go to my hubby's blog, I was just there, we typed the same thing without realizing it!
only my story was told better...wouldn't you think????

believe

Acts 20:29

The work of God is this: To BELIEVE in the One He sent

Believe....what is the meaning? How does this apply? How do we walk out a life of faith and believing in the One He has sent?

Our pastor spoke on this on sunday, which has echoed what God and I have been working through...
I looked up the word believe in the dictionary and it says this:
-to have confidence in the truth, the existence, or the reliability of something, although without absolute proof that one is right in doing so:

-Only if one believes in something can one act purposefully.

I SO BADLY want to walk this, model this!! I desire for my Father to see I believe Him, believe IN Him....but sadly, my actions continue to model otherwise.
It seems this root is deep and very hard to uproot. My doubt...

again.....I have to BELIEVE that He will complete the work He started
I have to BELIEVE that He is doing a new thing, springing life up from the desert
I have to BELIEVE that He that is in me is greater than he that is in the world
BELIEVE that I will do even greater things than Jesus!
That I have the way, the truth and the life......IN ME!!!

I need to BELIEVE that if I persevere, I will bear fruit.
We sang a song on Sunday, "For the work that God is doing within me, that I cannot see.....AMEN"

Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we cannot see.

Joe and I talked a bit today about how I'm doing,
I have 4 kids, and I continue to struggle with feeling inadequate, like I can't keep my head above water, like I'm failing. I run to him, I am calling to Him and I know he's there. I couldn't imagine going through this feeling disconnected from Him. I know and BELIEVE that He is there for me, no matter where I'm at, or how bad I'm doing. I cry out for His grace, His power....I don't know how many times I've said, "I can't do this, you need to help me!! God I know you can help me, give me your heart, your patience, wisdom, grace to get through this" It just seems like I'm going from moment to moment crying all the time!!! Does this get any easier? Is my faith and belief actually growing? Am I really getting stronger???
I would have to say, that I don't feel like I am.
I feel like I'm spinning my wheels.
Is there something I am missing?
Being a stay at home homeschooling mom is so hard right now.
Faith whines alot these days
baby wants to eat
isaiah's papers and markers and scissors all over and Noah being Noah!!

At the kid's piano recital last night, Noah was bouncing off the walls (of course the large strawberry milkshake that my mom bought him last night didn't help!)
and he got an envelope of money as a reward for practicing (which wasn't much) and he complained about it. so out of overwhelmingness, and frustration, I took his quarter away.
my sis laughed at me, rightfully so. It wasn't helping the situation. I just get so drained.


Any wisdom? encouragement? Prayers?

ok, so real quick....

while i have 2 minutes....well i don't really have 2 minutes, but I'm just gonna post those pics really quick....
I wanted to follow up on the last post how child #1, 3 and 5 are alike and how child #2 and 4 are alike....
you saw the striking similarities in the 1,3 and 5
here is noah and faith....maybe #6 will look like them too!!!......................HAHA not in your life!!

Noah was also born in the age of those camera's that have film....Joe still hasn't scanned his baby baby pics which would be better, but these are all i have....for now.


noah in his favorite blue's clue's pj's
This is faith about a year ago....I have one of Noah in this same chair and you can't tell them apart!...but it's the "old school" pic that's not on the computer yet....
Faith and Isaiah...
You can tell who is who...
Faith at 5 months. A little noah
my noah.....eating celery and raisins
Noah.....a little faith
faith....a little noah
Noah greeting caleb after school.....still missing him. feels empty today without him.....
my mr.caleb man.