The story of us

Joe and Sarah are lovely couple. They were married at 18 and 20 and had their first child 3 months after their wedding. After 5 children, 11 years, a death of their first born and many many many other issues, they are still working things out, very much in love and can't wait for what the Lord has for them next! Marriage does not come without trials. Sarah realizes yet again that she is hindering where God wants to take them...Here is a glimspe into their marriage in the last few months:

So after many months of harboring little thing after little thing, Sarah's mind, body and spirit started to ooze more and more. It all came to a head on the night of their 11th year anniversary....

It started by a simple conversation Sarah was having with Joe.
"So I'm a little frustrated about the picture situation...."

"oh so you are frustrated with ME?"

"that's not what I said, I said, the situation....we still have not handed out our family pictures and they were taken 5 months ago!"

(At this point, Sarah is trying really hard to remain calm. For those of you that have seen the "Love and Respect video series, will know the next phrase...)

Then after 5.2 seconds, they we were violently spinning on the crazy cycle and had retreated to our corners becuase she did not feel loved, and he did not feel respected.
Knowing the crazy cycle well, Sarah was confused in herself. With a million emotions and desperate need to find peace, Sarah looks inward......
What does she find?

With her in her room, lying alone, she beings to pray

"God, what is WRONG with me? Why am I SO ANGRY????
I'm so furious about ____ and about ______ and about __________!!!!"
She starts to well up in anger about little things that aren't even a part of that night!
"I just want peace. The peace that only you can give! I know your peace Lord, I know how precious and priceless it is! I need you to help me! Show me what I need to do...."

The Lord begins to minister to her spirit. She beings the battle in the spirit realm.
Her flesh cries out for justice--Her spirit cries out for mercy
Her flesh clings to all the things that have made her angry and hurt--Her spirit wants to let it all go and forgive
She feels like she's in a maximum security prison in her own spirit! Who will win?
Her sinful self wants to stay in prison, holding on to all the hurt! Her spirit wants freedom, freedom in their marriage and most of all freedom in her heart!After being literally ripped apart, Sarah starts to feel the Lord winning the battle. The more she lets Him in and speak, the more the darkness is silenced. Finally after clenching her teeth, making really tight fists and a whole lot of crying......Her heart begins to soften. It's time to let it all go. It's time to lay down her rights. It's time to forgive. It's time to be washed with the blood the heals....WIth the help and strength of the Lord, she does, and peace is again restored to this couple.

Knowing the the testing comes right after a transmormation, Sarah braces herself for some opposition. She stands firm in the work God did in her heart. She will not look back. She will not become a bitter woman, she is determined to fight for forgiveness and not personal rights. It's not worth it to save your flesh, your rights. Sarah has been locked up in that prison too many times. She purposes in her heart that she will lean on the forgivness Christ has given her which SHE so desperately needs.


But after all of this, she ponders.....how did she get here.....AGAIN!????
She's been here a million times, only to go through the gut wrenching battle within. It's a slow process. It's starts ever so subtle, ever so minor. In her thoughts. Reminded to keep EVERY thought she has to the cross of Christ, she writes this blog to hopefully help and remind other wives to not fall into the same trap. It's not fun locking yourself and your marriage in a dark, dank prison with nothing but pain.....

Praise God! For the work He completed on the cross that I can be set free with a simple prayer!

PS Joe finally posted! :)

been a while

many waves in the last few weeks....

Too much to catch up on....

Reader's digest version:

Caleb's death anniversary was Oct 27th. Reliving all the memories of his death and sickness. It was a hard week. I crashed bad on Thursday and had to take 2 days off school. I couldn't function. The very cool thing about going to his grave was I laid out all his tubes, meds and suction cathaders. It was comforting to know that he is free from all that sickness. I am truly thankful that he's with Jesus. His life would have only gotten worse. His scoliosis in his back was going to take putting rods in his back, more surgeries.....he can run, talk and eat! (not like there's food in heaven, but i like to think of it that way!:))

We went to his grave and listened to his song 'lifesong' by casting crowns.
I wanted to take pictures, but it just seems so odd to take pics of the grave. I can't do it yet.

My mom has been very sick. It's hard to watch her die. Her body is really throwing in the towel. All the years of abuse have officially caught up with her. She can't get through a day without 16 hours of sleep and if she leaves the house it can only be for one hour or so and she needs to use the wheelchairs provided at the stores.
She won't quit smoking.....I really can't explain how hard this is.

On a more positve note, school is going really well! I am proud of myself. We work very hard and have a ton of fun while we do it! We have covered a ton of material already! Isaiah is half way done her grade one math program already! and it's only the beginning of november! the marks they are getting are unbelievable. Isaiah has scored 100% on 3 math books and 95 on the other 2. Noah has not scored lower than 92 and there are many 100%'s in various subjects.

I am thankful for my kids, I am thankful that I can stay home and teach them. I am thankful that by His grace, they are learning a foundation of his word and of who He is. We have bible stories everyday. I just know that GOd is confirming this path for us as a family.

That's it for now.
take care everyone, and thanks for stopping by!

My son

ahhhh, my son......

He has challenged me more than anyone I know. His heart is so good. He is sincere to the very core. But he's a boy and he's a sanguine. what this means is:

He's constantly moving and making some kind of noise.
He's usually in someone's space
He's either talking to you, to himself or to nothing
He will, out of the blue, jerk his body, yell with his tongue out, or throw whatever is in his hand
He acts first-thinks later

I love my son, just the way he is. Just the way God made him. Somedays, I really wonder why God made such a breed of human, but then I see how he brings balance to our home. His joy is overflowing, always ready to make us laugh. We can choose to embrace his gifts. Or get frustrated that he is not like us.

God has made us each so individually unique. I hear God saying today to celebrate the differences in those closest to us. Take today to appreciate the things that usually annoy you. Without those people in our lives, we wouldn't have opportunity to grow and learn new things.

My God is AWESOME.

God....

He is the potter

We are the clay

Some people aren't comfortable with being shaped, pounded, remolded at best, let alone thrown into the fire to bake!
That would be me.

But I find peace in the process because I know my Father. He is love

When you are pushed to uncomfortable limits, you grow, you learn, you are stretched and you are humbled...

I am thankful for the bitter/sweetness of God loving us to new levels, new heights, newness

I am singing in my soul again.
My soul sings of hope. Jesus-THE HOPE OF GLORY- living in me

Hope does not disappoint
Even tho life can wear you down, stir doubt, and plant worry....
I choose to trust, obey and sing
God is into renewing
rebuilding
repaving
rebirth
returning
reassuring
and remembering His promises He has made

He is Redeemer

God give me the grace to REcieve all your gifts. Everything has come from you. May you shine through me in seasons of cloud and darkness.

Stewardship

EVERYTHING we've been given is a gift from above. A gift from the Father of lights.
He has entrusted us with these gifts and asks us to do and give our very best with what we've been given.

Our children
Our husbands
Our homes
Our vehicles
Our bodies
Our spirits (that's where He lives!)

Lord help me to cherish all that you have blessed me with

What do you feel thankful for and feel called to take extra special care?

Our faith

I must repeat what a friend said in my comments.....

Our faith is like the moon...
Full
Half
Quarter
and New

That speaks to me today.

from weariness to truth

It's so hard to see my mom like this.

She can't breathe, she's in lots of pain. She can barely sit up for long periods, let alone shower, or go to the bathroom. She seems so fragile. Life seems so fragile. Her heart condition, they say is mostly related to stress. I've been trying to wrap my head around the fact that stress can put you in this kind of physical spot. Jesus was right when He said to cast our cares on Him. He was thinking of us in love when He told us to not worry about anything, but pray about everything.

Then I've been wondering are you ever too old to change something in your life.... They say that the longer you hold onto a habit, the harder it is to break. The longer you allow patterns in your life to form and take root, the harder it is to uproot them. I think of 2 generations older than me. My grandparents. I watch how my granny is totally set in her ways. You can't really tell her anything, because she already has it made up in her mind. Even though you know that there are more blessings that God has for someone of that age, they just can't seem to see it, recieve it, or believe it. Is there a point where you say in your spirit that "they are just too old, at this point, they can't understand...." It's almost like you "give up on them" That's how I feel. I don't want to give up on my mom. But she's been doing certain things for a long time. Her thought patterns are more than set. I see that she wants to change, but doesn't know how. I think of myself and how I want to change in certain areas and it seems even me at 28 years old, I am set in my ways and it's hard for even me to break free from certain thought patterns. how can my 55 year old mom do it? I see my grandparents and how I honestly can't ever see them stepping out of their little world as they know it.

I want to believe
I want to have faith
I don't want to give up on my mom
I want to pray
I don't know what to pray for
My faith is weary
I feel like the weeds are choking me out
I feel like the ravens have come to snatch my seeds
I feel like my soil is rock


I take comfort in knowing that God never changes.
I take comfort in knowing that He isn't interested in performance
I take comfort in knowing that He is God over all this cloudiness and that this season is temporary
He knows my thoughts before they leave my mouth and he loves me just the same He understands
He is strong in weakness

Just like David COMMANDED his soul to worship, so my lips speak of His greatness
I look up I will step out of the boat again.
I will walk to Jesus on the water again..... In time.......

Speaking of homeschool

This year is very different. I am truly amazed at how things have changed. Even though this is our 4th year, to me it's seems like this is our first.

I've been rattling it around in my brain, pondering the ways that I've changed, that ways that my family has changed and broke down the last 4 years of our homeschool lives.

Year one:
Noah was in Kindergarten. He wasn't allowed to be officially registered, since you must be 6 years of age or older. This was my "test" year. I followed all the legal rules by keeping records, logs and writing out my philosophy. My goal at that time was to get the hang of it all. Learn the system, familiarize myself with how it works and teach myself a system for our home. For me, at that time, I was stretching myself with organization, discipline and routine. I struggled, but also impressed myself by proving to myself that I CAN do this.

Year two:
Noah officially in grade one. In the actual system was a bit intimidating. Caleb was 8, Noah was 6, Isaiah was 4 and Faith was 6 months old. I look back on that year and wish I could have been more structured. I was SOOO busy with all 4! When I think of that year, I think of how tired I was. I was learning alot of new things personally. That was the year that I lost all the weight. Having a baby crawling around made it hard to stay structured, but I also personally struggled with staying disciplined and following through in my tasks.

Last year:
Where do I begin??????????????
We started off strong. I knew that with Noah being in the second grade, Isaiah in kindergarten, I needed to once again take it up a few notches. My goals for last year when it first started was to stay focused, not burn out and stay disciplined. To take everything that much more seriously, to stretch myself that much more, to do that much more in every area. I wanted to excel. I wanted to finish with a bang. Of course, in the middle of October, Caleb got very sick and by the end, he had passed away.,... I still can't believe it sometimes. All our sanity as we knew it went out the window. By the new year, I was able to gather up some courage to give it one last shot before our little Elishah was to be born. Knowing that I was due the beginning of March, I hoped to cover another big chuck of our school. When the whole year was said and done, was had "official school" from September to middle of October and January to end of February.
Of course, I know that we did much more than "official school" in that year as a family. It was tough. And without God, we wouldn't be here right now!

This year:
I am so optimistic. I love the materials, I love our schedule, I love my kids. They are doing so well! This year also started with a storm when my mom was admitted to hospital with a heart condition. It has got me thinking on a whole new level. It takes endurance and vision to stay the path. When my mom was laying in her hospital bed, there were moments that we thought we would actually loose her.......But my kids were always on the back of my mind. I believe that God is speaking to me through all of this as it relates to our homeschool. I have no regrets about last year and our school. I did the best that I could with what I had. But you can never predict tragedy. Our lives will be full of storms. I've realized that no matter what is thrown at me, my kids are still depending on me. As a homeschool mom, I need to pick my battles. (I guess this would go for anyone, no matter what you do) I can find many reasons to "put off school". To drive someone here or there. To help this person or that person....But this is my job. I may not get paid in a form of a cheque, but this is my job. I take lunch breaks like everyone else. I may not even answer my phone.
Maybe this is a "duh" for others, but something that is really upfront for me. I need to keep going, purposing to do what God has called me to do. I pray that God will give me HIS strength to pick my battles, and stay on track all year long!!

Our homeschool

I can't really explain the passion in my heart for schooling my kids. Not many people ask me about it, and that's okay. My dad called me from work and asked how school was going and that was nice. I guess every year that we do it, the more I realize how much us Waldherr's are built for this way of life. We thrive together. I am so thankful for the relationships that are being glued between the silblings and the parents.
I am blessed by the resources that I have this year. I feel like I know what I need to do, what I need to accomplish before the year's end. It's also nice to have Isaiah in the first grade, knowing that I've done this grade before. Even though her learning style is very different than Noah's, I am familiar with the material and can present it in a way that fits Isaiah.
Here are some pics of the first month of school....

Isaiah learning to read

Some of Isaiah's creations


I will go up to the six fingered man and say, "Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die"



noah doing a new curriculum this year curriculum this year called, Learning Language Arts Through Literature. We love it. Bought it used at the book fair last year for 20 bucks!



Time for a bath after finger painting!!



Elishah is so good! I couldn't ask for a better baby. She sleeps well and is happy as she follows us around all day!

Things rattling in my brain

-sensing another big wave of grief coming on with the one year anniversary right around the corner....

-in my journey of faith....i'm searching for the true God, the real thing, without it being dressed up with pretty language, duties and expectations.

-Wondering where God really wants me to go from here

-feeling very disorientated in my journey of faith

-Totally loving school with my kids and excited to see all where God will take us as a family this year

-Scared, yet excited to lead a small group.....asking God to fill in the MANY gaps that I will have in being able to do a good job.

-Many things in my brain like my mom's new heart condition, my relationship with my inlaws, my neighbour across the street that just lost her kids (they were apprehended) my hubby starting his awesome new job today, keeping a close eye on my kids and all that they need to learn......

-Maybe God wants me to be all disorientated, maybe not.....usually I know where I'm going and where I've been. It's hard to related to life without Caleb. It's like my relationship with God was really tied together to Caleb. Now that he's gone, I'm having to relate to God without Caleb being like a porthole....sounds weird, but that's what it seems like.

thanks for listening.

-

finally, some pictures!!

You can click on any of these pics to get a better look!!
I'll start with a few updates on our basement...
We have a new bed set!! If any of you know what actually happened to the old one !! (hint: it involves a two year old and a huge jar of vaseline)


After living in our basement for 8 months, we finally have doors! YEAH FOR PRIVACY!
We've done it! We've taken the plunge and got 2 cute little guinea pigs! Isaiah named hers Pixie, Noah is in bed and I can't remeber the name he gave his little one.
Here they are all scared on their first night in a new home

These are our two little frogs. Noah caught the brown one and Nin found the redish one by her house. The red one has no toes on his right foot.
Our homeschool has been going really well. This is where we keep our workbooks and there are drawers for keeping the stuff they've already done. Keeping good records is very important.
Our new "managers of their homes" schedule. This layout is from an awesome book we bought at the convention 2 years ago. It works very well for our family.
This is our schedule broken down a bit more. Even little faith has preschool everyday! It's so fun!!
Last but not least, a pic of Elishah. She blesses me to no end. she is so full of joy. She brings so much to the rest of us, even though she can't even talk yet!

Well, that's it for now. I really want to walk through a day with the camera with each kids and lay out what a day looks like for each of them. I'm sure no one would be really that interested, but more so for me to look back and see.
blessings to all

Super quick update

Still off track with sticking to the body for life diet.
Back at running....feels great. It's been a great stress reliever
I rushed my mom to the emergency room on tuesday night with heart trouble. We thought she wasn't going to make it! Super stressed, super hard, lots of memories. Being called at 5 am rushing to the hospital while it's still dark......(like I said, lots of memories)
She's getting better. She was diagnosed with "broken heart syndrome" She needs months of rest.

My homeschool started off strong, I am thankful for the grace God has given me to tackle it all. I positively without a doubt love being home teaching my kids. They are such a blessing. Of course in the middle of the year, I will need to remember the energy I have now!! I told nin that I wish I could channel it and use it when I loose the umphf.
I'll try to get some pics up.

Got sick, stopped running, and then fell off the wagon with my eating.....

I never thought I would miss running so bad! I will be 2 weeks on Sunday since I've ran. I came down with a nasty virus with a cough. Any kind of cardio would throw me into a coughing fit, so I've been waiting it out....of course, in this time, I've completely fallen off the wagon with my food diet! GRRRR

I can't wait to get back out there. I was up to running 2.5 km without stopping with a great sprint at the end of the run. That's a big deal to me. That's running from mac's along Diefenbaker all the way to the church on the corner of Laurier Dr. and then all the way back home again. which is off of steeves. My sis has had no one to run with all this time.

We are doing a dance for a concert with our church in October. I'm not going to tell details, but the heart of it is breaking generational curses. Going against the stream and flow, swimming upstream, fighting for all the best that God has for us. Fighting a battle against defeat, fear and sin. But in the last 2 weeks, I feel like I'm losing the battle. If I'm not going to walk the walk, then of course, I will get seriously wounded.
There's a saying that I have been clinging to and a verse that goes with it,
"You don't succeed because you're perfect, you succeed becuase you persevere."
"He will complete the work He started in me"

I have to keep going, brush the dust off, turn from my sin and walk towards the light. He can restore me.

School starts tomorrow!

Well it's that time again. Time to jump off that cliff. It's time to jump and wait for the Lord to catch me...
I think to myself that if I were a grade one teacher, I would learn the material after a few years. I would probably get myself in a groove. After 4 of 5 years, I may have it down to a science. Of course, I have never been a school teacher and have never taught 30 kids at one time!!! (that would be a challenge to say the least!)
But I start each new year (this being our 4th year) with totally new challenges.
-My kids keep changing their levels
-New children keep arriving!
-The schedule never ever looks the same from year to year.
-I need to learn a whole new grade!

It's fun and exciting to watch them grow and mature, but it can seem overwhelming to me at the same time....what an AWESOME RESPONSIBILITY! WHAT AN HONOR!
The responsibility of raising Godly children has been placed on my shoulders by God himself! I am thankful, fearful, and in awe all at the same time.

I pray for strength, courage and wisdom to do this job well.

My battle cry

super fun people!!!! super fun....

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
an hour ago....
3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
I actually do!
4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
cajun chicken breast
5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
many
6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
I would.....I love to laugh, yes I love to play, that's me with toopy and benoo
7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT?
yeah (hang head) My mom used to talk sarcasticly with us as kids and I hate it when I do it to my kids "I'm not a horse!" (mom voice)
8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?
who would honestly care if I still had my tonsils? so i'm not going to tell you!
9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
I thought I would say yes, but I think it's a sing of aging....I think not.....sigh
10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
cinnamon toast crunch, fruit loops, and shreddies
11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
I do! I have brand new REAL "running shoes" now. I want to take good care of them!
12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG?
today, I don't feel strong. But the voice of truth tells me I am....
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
hmmmm, the winner out of 20 different flavors would be......pecan blizzard!!!
14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
The way they hold themselves. If they are confident or shy, or trying to get attention.
15. RED OR PINK?
I am a pink girl
16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?
my forgetfulness...I let people down too often because I forget
17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
Caleb
18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU?
It's fun and I wouldn't mind reading what others would fill in.
19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
Jeans and socks
20. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?
a yummy delicious juicy fuji apple and sipping on water with a hint of real lime juice
21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
Noah in the back ground asking me repeatidly to use the computer to play battle for middle earth.....
22. IF YOU WHERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
ALL OF THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
23. FAVORITE SMELLS?
First and foremost, when Elishah's toes get all sweaty from being in her sleeper!!
My new coconut shampoo, breast milk and coffee in the morning
24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
Lloanne, we prayed together. I LOVE praying on the phone
25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU?
I STOLE it from a stupid daikini while he was taking a pee pee!! (Willow quote)
26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
So you think you can dance, america's got talent and america's funniest home videos...are those sports?
27. HAIR COLOR?
Other than me going bald from having a baby, It's just boring dirty blonde...nin, if you want to dye my hair sometime, let's do it!
28. EYE COLOR?
gray, green blue.....somewhere in there
29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
Someday I am going to try contacts to change my eye color
30. FAVORITE FOOD?
It keeps changing!! What am I suppose to do??? (labyrinth quote)
but seriously, It does keep changing. I really am enjoying this new way of eating and really have been not craving as much junk....which is super awesome! I really feel like the food addiction is slowly over many years being healed!
31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
happy happy joy joy joy (ren and stimpy quote)
32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
parts of emperor's new grove....BOOM BABY!
33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
black....but who cares?
34. SUMMER OR WINTER?
i love how we have both then we appreciate each one all the more! I try not to wish it was the opposite season when we're in it and just enjoy the heat/cold.
35. HUGS OR KISSES?
hugs for sure, I'm sure Joe would prefer me to like kisses more
36. FAVORITE DESSERT?
Oh, my gosh, I never use to like sweets, but now it's a pecan cluster blizzard which I'm definitly having on my free day!!!!!!(large!) haven't I already mentioned this blizzard once ?? Obsess much!! (Ace ventura quote)
37. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
Hopefully many will do this it's pretty fun!
38. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
People who are poopers
39. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING NOW?
Body for life, intercessory prayer, the book of 1st kings and no greater joy volume 3
40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
don't have a mouse pad
41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON T.V. LAST NIGHT?
america's funniest home videos and laughed my butt off watching people wipe out on water skis!
42. FAVORITE SOUND?
my MP3 payer blaring in my ears while I run, worship music, and listening to my baby girl swallow breast milk
43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?
neither....pink floyd all the way!!
44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?
prince george BC for a tae kwon do tournament which I won gold for both sparring and patterns!
45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
is juggling 4 kids and a hubby a special talent?
46. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
Winnipeg!

Go for it!~ comment on mine then go do it yourself! I'll see you in your comment box!

paralized

facing the once a year homeschool giant...

Every year at this time, I am usually paralyzed. Looking and thinking of all that needs to get done, all that I need to prepare....one more day goes by...another....another week goes by and the dead line approaches.

I keep thinking that, once my house is all clean and all the kids are in bed, I will crack open the 2 new curiculums that I've bought for this year and go over them with candles and relaxing music in the background....HAHAHAHA .... yeah like that'll ever happen!

My sister Nin, has helped me through the day, phoning every hour and getting the progress reports. Cheering me on. Hopefully she doesn't read this blog and see that I'm on the computer, blogging!! LOL SHHHHH.....don't say anything!

So I've got to gather the laundry, tidy: Isaiah's room, Elishah's room, our room and downstairs. Then I have to vacuum. Then I'm pretty much done. I hope to really make a big dent into my school books tonight.

Thought of the day

On Dr. Phil, there was a couple in serious need of help in their marriage. She was bawling her eyes out saying, "I'd do anything! I'd do anything for him! Help us!"

Dr. Phil hit the nail on the head with his reply......"You won't shut up.....you say you'd do anything for him, but you won't let things go....you won't shut up...."

He was right. We convince ourselves that we are walking a path righteously by lying to ourselves with phrases like this woman did. When really, we are doing the very opposite of what we are setting out to do.

Constantly dripping water on a rainy day is like a quarreling woman (proverbs 27:15)

It was eye opening. Sometimes in my marriage, I think I'm doing the right thing by bringing things up, but maybe it's not even something to battle over and maybe my mouth needs to just stay shut. Not to "settle" not to "compromise our marriage" But to honor and respect my husband. This is honoring to God. Pray for him instead. Love him, show him that you trust him, believe in him....like you did when you were dating.

In our Love and Respect class, something popped out super far for me this time. He said, "He will never be the man you want him to be" That hit me like a sharp knife because it pointed the finger right at me. KEEP YOUR HUSBAND UNDER GOD'S PLANS, NOT YOUR PLANS. It was very humbling.

Someday, we will function gloriously together, showing the world the beauty and mystery of how God gave His only son for the world. Joe would die for me and I follow him wherever he leads....

Prayer

Our church has a program this summer called kids summer church. We were asked as a body participate in a choice of many areas. You could serve in the snack department or help be a puppeteer or join a prayer team. I asked God which one He would have me join. I was led to the prayer team. It seemed like a great idea! I'm going to join the prayer team and surround myself with wise, old, prayer warriors and learn from them!! I know that I need to grow in my prayer life, what better way than to sit beside those that have been doing it for years and years!

Haha...the joke's on me....

I approached the leader of kids church and told her I was interested in the prayer team. She said, "Since no one else has come forward, would you be interested in leading the prayer team?"

...Not what I had in mind....

But 4 weeks into our little group, my world is being turned upside down... Prayer....
You need to be courageous person to pray

I feel wounded from battle. Having a severely disabled son for nearly 10 years has taken it's toll on my prayer life, my faith and my endurance.
It's ironic, that God has led me down this path of running. He is showing me alot about perseverance and running the race. Now he has asked me to open my heart to Him once again in prayer.

I pray....I pray about myself, about how I can change...It's easy to pray about yourself, but to pray to move mountains in other's lives is something else. To pray to see a nation born again and revived for God's glory is way out of my ball park! I prayed for Caleb's healing for 10 years. I prayed with faith, I prayed without faith. I tried the "pray everyday like the old widow beggar" I tried fasting (although could never do it) Caleb was never healed. If God is going to do what he's going to do anyway....why pray????? If He is all soveriegn, all powerful and all knowing, why pray? What would our prayers do to change anything???? How could someone as small as me make a difference? And here's another big question.....Aren't we supposed to pray HIS WILL???What if we don't know His will???? To pray for healing for someone...what if they aren't supposed to live?????

Only in chapter 4 of "Intercessory Prayer" God is unravelling lies rooted deep in my mind about prayer. He is jackhammering a poor foundation of mistrust, lack faith and courage. It's been painful, yet exciting. Extremely challenging, and scary....

I came to the conclusion that God didn't need us. This phrase can be a play on words. Many people could debate this sentence forever. What I think I'm learning is that God WANTS US. He set it up so that we could be friends, partners, so that He would flow through this earth through our prayers. We were not designed for production, but distrubution. He delights in moving through us. He does NOT want to move APART from us. He wants to be co laborers with us.

This is mind warping! The God of the universe, that is holy and self sustaining.....WANTS US SO BAD that He SET IT UP so that He would not work, move or love apart from us!!

I've realized that the pink paragraph above was a comfortable place. There's no responsibility, no mission, no real purpose. But that isn't God's plan. We DO have a responsibility, a mission and purpose....TO PRAY.

I can quote many scriptures on prayer in the word. I've known in my head what the word says on prayer. that as believers, we do need to pray. The word is very clear that prayer is extremely important. But head knowledge and heart knowledge is a huge bridge that needs to come together! My circumstance in life wounded me. Experience showed me something else.
But the word of God is superior to all things!! EVEN MY EXPERIENCE! it is perfect and flawless (psalms) So that means that I did not walk according to His word. That means that the conclusions I made through my experience were wrong because they did not line up with God's word. His word is final. We need to walk out His words THROUGH FAITH, AND NOT BY SIGHT> In Caleb's case, I focused on what was seen, and that is not the definition of faith. Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we cannot see. What life "showed" me was not accurate!!


THere's much much more in my heart. I'm trying to summarize this without typing a book. But this is the journey i'm on. God is faithful. I know He is near. I am thankful for His peace and promise that He will never leave me alone.

I'm quitting weight watchers!

Time to start planning my next school year. I always start out quite intimidated, but yet, I have an element of excitement. I'm excited about new growth in myself to take it to new heights, excited to spend good quality (and quantity) time with my kids, teaching, discipling and having fun. Not like we aren't doing that now, but in a routine schedule, it runs smoother and more efficient.

I am going to go to one last meeting of weight watchers and then I just can't justify anymore to go step on their scale for 15 bucks a week. I don't even have the option of staying for the meetings anyway, and I have a scale at home. To be honest, I'm tired of counting points. And I've always said to myself that I didn't want to spend the rest of my life counting.

I have found "body for life" through witnessing someone close to me work very hard and achieving some amazing results, I have decided to embark on a new, yet same road.

Body for life focuses on getting rid of the fat content, while replacing it with fit, fat burning muscle. To make for a healthier, fit and toned body. Instead of counting everything, it's simple....a carb...a protein....each the size of your fist and any veggies you like. Eat many times a day (up to 6 depending on how much you are working out) I am only eating 3 basic meals and 1 to 2 small snacks, because I don't have the weights to do the weight portion of the program yet.
It's so simple for me (and for anyone)
6 days on...one day off. I have appreciated the information about eating more often. It has curbed cravings and leveled the high and low spikes of my blood sugar levels. I am looking forward to a bigmac, icecream and a twix bar on my free day!!! with no guilt...

This is my new thing....but yet, something I've been kinda doing already.....
yet, it's not a new thing to come and go. But am really enjoying the fruit of a healthy LIFESTYLE. not a diet, but a way of life.