Laziness

A very old and destructive pattern has been a part of my life for many many years. Those that know me well, know of the painful history of this struggle. Fueled by depression, bad habits and lies that tell me I'm going no where in life, I have a hard time pressing forward sometimes.
A tiny bit of history: When my mom was a girl, she never got to play (had to haul water, chop wood) that sort of thing. When she had kids, she swore that when she had kids, they would NEVER work. So when I turned 12 or so, my parents decided it was time to give me chores. What the heck is a chore!? At that stage, it was quite the fight to get me to do any sort of work. I would come home from high school to find my bed freshly made and even powdered. My make up was all cleaned up and dresser and mirror windexed. The next few years were spent skipping school, drinking, druging and avoiding all responsibility all together. I figured since I was failing everything anyway, I might as well quit school. (smooth move EX LAX!) Besides, that would leave the whole day to party! Then came drug rehab, a few relapses in there, the 12 step program, and then came Joe. Joe and I were married and with child in 16 months after our first date. NOW WHAT?!
Strife was the main brain of our house until I was pregnant with Noah. I knew that I had better smarten up or I'm going to have seriously screwed up kids! It seems my pregnancies have growth fertilizer in them, cause everytime I have a baby, some big change happens in me....hey!! I have an idea! I'll just keep having kids, so I can be a better person! (just kidding...dad don't have a heartattack!) During my pregnancy, I was able to keep my house clean for an entire month! Now that was call to celebrate! The pendulum swung way to the point of "NEAT FREAK!" Okay, now, find your balance....After Isaiah, I spent so much time with them, I neglected my house. What started out as a healthy thought, the bar swang too far the other way! I wanted to be with my kids, to have fun and not worry that my tub wasn't shining everyday! My house got messy again. Well, After a few years, knowing that we were called to homeschool, I had some organizing of my life to do. Life had become chaos again, without the fighting of the beginning. But none the less, life was a mess. As I was plugging along, making new routines and habits, guess what??? Were having another baby! AAAAHHHHH!!!!!

yeah, so, now we really have to kick into high gear! Noah starts kindergarten next year and baby will be born in 8 months! God is faithful. He faithfully brought us through the things we needed to learn and do before our baby came.....hence why we called her faith! All though out this journey, there has been one common lie trying to defeat us. "you nothing! you will always be nothing, you are still that lazy, irresponsible druggie girl that will never go anywhere." It's been quite a battle to stand against these retarded lies. Usually fought with, "I know the plans I have for you..." The lie comes and goes depending how vulnerable I am and if I have my armor on. As time goes on, I find more and more victory in this area. I walk closer to the divine order that God intended for my family. Regardless of my past, the choice is still mine. I don't want to "use" my past as a crutch, I was just letting you get to know me a bit and where I come from.

When faith came, I obviously needed more rest. Middle of the night feedings were for sure exahusting and getting up with the rest of my kids during the day. They adjusted to "mom is napping now....shhhhh!" and Noah learned to serve his little sister cereal. There is no laziness in this equation whatsoever. But after 6 weeks, faith started sleeping through the night and routine started to come back. Homeschool started up again, and life goes on....Well, it's been hard for me to really get back to walking towards self discipline. I mean, really pressing forward. I have been sleeping past my alarm, and Caleb's been missing school once a week. Joe and I have made a comittment to getting up at 7:00am every morning. Some of you may be thinking," that's nothing! I get up at 6!!!" Well, to me it is...I love my sleep. And I want to grow in this area of getting up on time. Once Caleb is done school, I won't "technically have to get up" But I still want to...all summer. Usually in the summers my whole family, kids and all stay up till 11:00pm and don't get up past 9:00am. (well joe would to go to work)

So, for the next month, I am going to write a short blog each morning between 7-7:30am to say I'm up and going. You have my permission to rag me out if I'm not on! SATURDAYS DON'T COUNT!
Bless you, my friends